No One Honked Their Horn!

My granddaughter is learning to drive! She had signs all over her car, STUDENT DRIVER  they say and her mother sits in the front seat monitoring her every move....so far. I did hear that her dad took her out the other day so that is different. We will see.

I have been relearning to drive. I do not have any signs on my car...where do you buy those "Old Woman at the Wheel" signs? Sigh!

Now I have a new goal for a successful day. When I told my granddaughter that I measured a successful day by how many people honked at me when I drove, she said that was because I didn't have any signs on my car. No honks was considered a huge success. No one honked at her.

Let me explain. My husband had done most of the driving forever. He hated it when I drove and in his last days of life, he let me know it. He didn't like that I was not coasting up to the stop sign or red light, etc. I had to drive so he had to get over it.

Now here is the deal, not driving leads to gawking and dreaming and surfing the net. When I stopped riding and had to drive, I realized the when you drive, you need to pay attention ALL OF THE TIME! It was hard. 

I am getting better.

The measure of a successful day is not huge for me. My life is now about making myself happy...well there are other things but in the end, in my spare time, I just make myself happy.

What is your measure of a successful day?

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That's How It Goes...Retirement Life

Texas

Mexico

Spain

Arizona Park Model

Shanghai China

My husband and I have been retired for 24 year...I know, how did that happen. For the last 16 years I have been writing about our life. All of those posts have been about travel, books, family and retirement. The first three are what we do. The last, RETIREMENT, is about our lifestyle. I have been selling "Retiring in Style", you know, living well no matter what you have or where you live. If you haven't bought in to the concept, you really should. Life is good.

Have things changed a lot? In 24 years? You can bet your life it has. In past posts I have written about stages of retirement and all that involves. From the first day my husband and I have been working through it. Thankfully, change is in our DNA.

It has been said that retirement is the third act of life and, if you desire, you can choose to find a new career or learn new things. That is so true but it isn't the big picture, the one that shows the patterns that older human beings follow in their old age.

I am sure that some anthropologist has written a thesis on this subject. I am just that person that lives out here in life, walking around with my feet on the ground. All I can speak to is what has happen in our stylish retirement.

In the very beginning, was filled with our children and grandchildren and all that a grandchild demands. 

We moved from one side of our state to the other so we could be closer to our family. That is I wanted...I am still not so sure that my husband wanted that but still...we settled for what we could do. It was good.

The adjustment to retirement didn't come easy. We were restless and bickered constantly. The rainbow that hung over our parade also had some pretty cloudy days. We just hung on for dear life.

When we did travel, I could hardly wait to get back home and my husband kept saying that he could stay gone forever. He waited until I worked out a way to stay away. 

I convinced myself that it was best for our children and their children. Phrases like "I let they learn to fly on their own." came out of my mouth. The truth is all three of our children are well educated and I think they did not regret it when we left town.  It was a good break for us all. At least, that is the way I would have felt at their age. 

Actually, as we grew older our income increased. Medicare and Social Security coupled with a very good retirement plan worked. We saved when we could, did without when we needed to and as we aged, our needs changed. 

We discovered the RV lifestyle and owned several different types. A resort for RVs became our winter home and we gradually turned into experienced snowbirds.

Life in a resort is very like going to college. A feeling of youthfulness returns. Because or our life choices, I really had never experienced being a young adult. I went directly from my home to being a wife and mother (with a college education thrown in). Life was busy and fill with responsibility.

When we were in the resort I just went back to those youth filled days and got it out of my system. We made friends, golfed, partied and danced (a lot). It was so much fun and I think we both have happy memories of those day.

THEN something happened...it was like growing up for me. My husband and I both knew that the resort lifestyle had worn itself out and we need to move on.

We had owned RVs and later a park model that we restored. We saw that, unlike what we had expected at our age (80 and 76), we were still very much alive and healthy. Work actually made us happy and improved our health. We moved out of the resort and bought a townhouse. 

After restoring the small townhouse, we sold it for a profit and bought a 4 bedroom home on a golf course. 

We actually have come full circle. An original dream was to have space so our children and grandchildren could spend time with us in the desert. Finally, we can have the whole family come to play with us.

Lately I have begun writing about that 4th act of life where age sneaks up on you. This stage is not a repeat of the other three at all. I don't know if I can explain. I am content to be where I am no matter where that is. I no longer yearn for things like I once did. I am quieter and softer than I was when I was younger. We are very lucky to be here to enjoy it all and are grateful each and every day. 

And, I like it a lot!

Thank you for reading and come back soon.

Let me know...how is your life unfolding?

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If you click on the tags you should see more posts on related subjects.

A Helpful Hint...if you click on a label under this post, you will be taken to other posts on the same subject. 

How To Be A Snowbird: Going in reverse?

 I've never been very good at backing up...posts and other people's cars should know better. It is their fault I think but then that is just me.

Now I find my life going that way...but in a good way. Sure there are posts and other people in my way but not to worry. It is all good!

When my husband and I bought a new/old house recently that was considerable bigger than the "small house" we thought was going to be perfect, we looked at each other in amazement...what were we doing?

In the end it turned out that our need to be "new" and "trendy" was gone. We just wanted what was comfortable and beautiful in a place we felt at home.

I think I wrote about this house we are turning into our new home earlier. It is located on the 5th green at the golf course we have played at for years. The first time I played here I wanted this house. When it finally came on the market, it was what we had waiting for all these years. In fact, we both wondered if it was not too late. But, we know that if you are going to make dreams come true, sometimes you just need to plow through. So that is what we did.

I find myself thinking that I wish we had had this home when our children were growing up or when most of our grandchildren were little. There is lots of room for all of our family...1800 square feet...yet we two can still clump together and feel cozy. The sun streams in from both the east and west and, in the winter when we will live here, the sun shinesa in our bedroom window almost all day. 

Like us, the house is not new. Built in 1973 it is coming up on 50 years old. What that is in house (dog) years I don't know. I shows its age in a few places but mostly it is a very nice golf course home. Good bones in every way.

So, we have decided that we like reverse and are going to savor every moment we get to experience. I will have my first party next week. A friend will be the guest of honor. We will have so much fun in our own way.

I wish I could invite you all...that would be a dream come true for me. I do love a party!

So what have you been doing?

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What does your word bubble say?

Or do you even have one of those.

Around the campfire the other night my daughter asked my granddaughter what her word bubble would say if we could see it.

I had never actually thought about my word bubble. But I am sure I have one because I know I am generally not thinking about what I am saying or doing or looking at. There would be a lot of words up there.

My granddaughter looked puzzled. She did not know what she was thinking. She was, in fact, simply living.

Living in the Moment

Meelie thinks about what she is looking at or saying...period. Adults have a hard time doing that. What she does is called living in the moment. Hard as we adults try, thoughts about past things or future problems fill our minds. Actually totally enjoying the moment is hard to do.

So, my thought is, in our effort to live life in the now, we need to take a lesson from an 11 year old. The tree, the cabinet or even the tv show is about the now...enjoy the now. The past does not exist and the future is unknown.

Just a little thought for the day!

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Did I Really Say that?

This is an updated post from 2014. It keeps getting better and better! 

I have to admit it. I can swear but I try to keep it a secret. I am a total fraud and Google knows it. I found that out after I wrote this article. Now I find out that Dame Judith Dench thinks my choice of words shows courage. Plus Rubber Shoes in Hell is not setting a good example for me. Wow!

I know, the word cussing is old fashioned but just work with me here. Cussing is what we called it back in the day. In fact, cussed (cuss-said) was a swear word back then. We would call mean old men those cussed old guys or a dog that bit that cussed dog.

I didn't hear many really bad words in my day. My mother said dang once in a while. But I must have heard some bad words somewhere. My mother claimed I said dammit over and over while I jumped up and down on the bed. I was in trouble for jumping and cussing. It was not a good day in my world. Then I claimed that my Auntie Ardella said it all the time. My Auntie was a saint and I am sure she never used a bad word in her entire life. I probably was guilty of lying too. I don't remember doing any of that very clearly.

Cover of Phooey!

My father always cussed in the basement when he hit his thumb with a hammer or cut a board too short twice. However, he was out of earshot at least as far as understanding the words were concerned. I did hear him call his bosses SOBs a time or two but since I could not spell it didn't matter.  That was as bad as it got. I don't think he would have been a "real man" back in those days if he had  not done that.

I was a teacher and the "f" word was never allowed. Student would be surprised when the parents were called but still, they did get a call. I can understand why they needed to spout off occasionally. But still.

I discovered that sometime things went wrong, I was frustrated. That was when I learned a few bad words...fiddlesticks, dog-gone-it, shoot, phooey and later what in the Sam Hill? 

I always felt a little guilty when I lost control but lose control I did! And my vocabulary became more colorful as time passed. I have spent a lifetime trying to overcome this very bad habit.  But, a bad word or phrase will slip out in normal everyday conversation. I am generally on the golf course. Dear me, I sound like a sailor or a person that was raised by wolves.

Now Dame Judith Dench, age 80+ says that maturity gives us the courage to say what is on our mind. Interesting I think. I'm not sure if it is courage or lack of self control. Sigh!

Rubber Shoes in Hell, one of my favorite blogs, uses phrases like,  "Oh dear god. Fucking hell."  the same way I say "Oh my. Darn". Same meaning, different generations.

As I age I want to become more of a lady not less. I really do. I think that dignity and modeling of good manners never goes out of style.  Oh My (smile) how I wish it were easy. But it is not.

I tell myself often that I do NOT suffer from a disorder that leaves me unable to control my language. I cannot decide if I should fight it or just embrace it. After all, if Judith says it is okay, who am I to disagree.

Unfortunately Google sees right through me. I was a little taken aback when I saw that they suggested f*__k as a label option.

Any thoughts

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How Do You Eat Your Elephant?

Imagine the feeling of weight being lifted from my shoulders when I realized what a load I carried as I was thinking about what I should be doing and not what I was doing.

I have been thinking about eating my elephant a lot lately. The creature is so huge and in fact is not willingly eaten on any day of the week. That elephant can pose a problem. The one thing we all know is that a normal person can not eat an elephant in one bite.

I don't know about you but when I was younger I did want to eat life all at once. I would try to do many things at a time, not doing anything every well.

So how about now? Well...most of the creature has been gnawed on at one time or another. Work, children, friends, homes, travel, books, hobbies and even spiritual stuff...they have all come to play a big part in my life at various time. The trouble always was that while I was gnawing away on one thing, I was thinking that I should also be working on something else.

Now, now...as I become older and wiser it has occurred to me that even now I am not thinking about what I am doing. I am always thinking about what I should be doing. If I am writing, I think about ironing. If I am ironing, I think about a book I need to finish. If is am reading a book, I am thinking about that other book, the one I need to read or have even started and the list goes on.

The sun was shining this morning so I drank my cup of coffee in our back yard. I wanted to save that moment in a blog post. Because ideas come and go rapidly, I needed to remember to write about how that felt. I was in the kitchen this afternoon getting ready for lunch and I was still thinking about it being the morning, telling myself to remember the idea! Why do I do that? I don't even taste my food because other things are on my mind. I think you would agree that simply jotting the idea down would have made a lot of sense.

Imagine the feeling of weight being lifted from my shoulders when I realized what a load I carried as I was thinking about what I should be doing and not what I was doing.

Later I thought about making my bed so I just did it. I didn't think about making the bed then sit down at the computer to write. I made the bed. The elephant was gone from the room and a feeling of joy filled my heart as I touched the blankets and tightened the sheet. Now I am writing now and nothing but the computer keys and my thoughts fill the room. WOW!

Do you do that? Are you trying to get so much done that you don't appreciate the joy you can get from doing those small things that are even mundane? Think about it and let me know.

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Is This Normal?

I often wonder at the joy that my family brings my husband and me. Because we hear most frequently about the problems and heartache that families endure, I wonder...are we normal?

This is a big week in our family and has been for more years than I can count. But this week it is even bigger and better.

Our grandson is home for the weekend with our beautiful granddaughter-in-law and THEY ARE SLEEPING IN OUR HOUSE! He is in the Marines so we are extra thankful to have him home. And...she is pregnant with our second great-grandchild.

Holy moly, it seems like a dream too good to even come true. We woke us this morning and there they were sitting on our couch. Before long our daughter and husband walked in the front door and we all had breakfast crowded around my round table.

Day after tomorrow our son and his family will fly in from Dubai. We will have a picnic that evening and our youngest son's wife (the professional photographer) will take a picture of us all. There will be twenty or so of us. We have been taking the group picture since the olders were the youngers.

So is this normal?

Have a wonderful 4th of July and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

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9 years ago

5 years ago.

4 years ago.

4 years ago

3 years ago 

2 years ago

2016

Hungry for Conversation?

It seems these day that everywhere I turn, people are hungry for

conversation. Gentle, warm, summery conversation about flowers or moving or children or even books.

It doesn't take much to start the conversation it seems. A simple "HMMM!" in the produce department at my local grocery will start a conversation with someone I didn't even know was there.

I love that friendly, connected feeling with those around me. There is nothing personal or even a commitment of time or space. Just simple lovely words that makes both the sayer and the listener happy.

Are you hungry for conversation? Who did you talk to today?

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What's Hiding in Your Ironing Basket?

I would rather garden than iron...wrinkles don't matter there!

If there is someone out there that likes to iron, I want to hear from them. I, for one, don't mind and actually like it...occasionally. The outcome is very satisfying and, yes, it is relaxing.

But, if you asked me to do it once a week or as the clothes came out of the dryer, I would simply pretend I did not hear you. Ironing is what the "housekeeping fairy" would be asked to do if she ever offered to come to my house.

When my daughter was in college I asked her once where the students in her dorm ironed. She paused, tilted her head thinking for a moment and told me she had never seen anyone iron! There you go...perfect!

Still, even in this day and age, wash and wear is not the norm. My solution is to either hang things up unironed in the hope that on the day that I decide to wear an outfit I will be in the mood to press the obvious wrinkles out or I stack things in the basket next to the ironing board until the pile is high and my closet is empty. Who knows, maybe the wrinkles will simply "fall out" and I will be good to go.

The ironing basket can become an archeological dig of sorts. Those clothes that need throwing away might go in there. My husband clothes that I don't like may hide under the t-shirts. Curtains taken down and that can't find a storage spot, arm covers for chairs and cloth napkins gather lint at the bottom of the basket. When I dig into it every few month I may find underwear, dish towels and that sock that went missing.

I have come to think of the ironing basket as a place to hide from myself. When I don't' want to face my future and past, I hide those places away for some future day when it does not seem impossible. Then for a few hours or minutes I deal with it all.

What are you hiding in your laundry basket?

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What can you control in your small world?

My own little world revolves around
family and friends. I try to make it
a good place to be.

My friend and I were talking yesterday about how hard it is to be civilized. Really, really hard. As civilization has evolved, man has learned that it is not okay to act like a caveman anymore. Living with other people peacefully has left us with tasks and restraints that our baser being does not want to obey. And, surprisingly, is it not the big things that get us.

It is our behavior with those around us, what we think as we look out our front window, feeling superior to those less fortunate and our tendency to act on our anger that creep up on us. Being a good person is very, very hard.

In fact those humans that wrote the bible talked about those instincts back when civilization was emerging  tells us how slow we are to civilize ourselves. They are not listed as such in the bible but do appear in Proverbs. From what I can find they may have been collected by scribes of King Hezekiah, who reigned from 715 to 686 B.C. I suppose they could be the root of all evil. They are:

Envy: the desire to have an item or experience that someone else possesses.
Gluttony: excessive ongoing consumption of food or drink.
Greed or Avarice = an excessive pursuit of material possessions.
Lust: an uncontrollable passion or longing, especially for sexual desires.
Pride: excessive view of one's self without regard to others.
Sloth: excessive laziness or the failure to act and utilize one’s talents.
Wrath: uncontrollable feelings of anger and hate towards another person.

These are not the big things that we think about in today's world. Notice there is no mention of terrorism or war or theft or shunning. The fact that we want what another has is not something we necessarily think of as a big thing. It is when we act on these impulses that we get ourselves in trouble.

But as my friend and I continued to talk, it occurred to me that making things better in our world is all about what we as individuals can control. It all happens in our very small personal theatrical stage.

Controlling our weight, keeping our space and ourselves clean, being less confrontational and angry, spending less money and giving up greed, being happy not envious of other's successes, remembering to never make another feel unworthy because we are prideful and last but not least, being virtuous in our personal lives are all situations that are very close to home. And no one else save our self can control those urges.

It really is all about our own little world. Could it be that if we actually did what we ALL could to be better as individuals, the rest would follow?

What do you think.

It is a thought!  

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Note: I just want to tell you that I am not a church goer and do not belong to any particular religion. But, when it comes to ethics and virtue, one cannot do better than study the world's religions. I just happen to be more familiar with the Bible than any other book on religion.

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• Dear Santa....I can explain!

Aging with Pogo: We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us

Back in the day when I was a young woman I would chuckle at the things my Mother-In-Law would say. She was living in a nursing home near us. My husband and I would go for a social visit on Sunday evenings and she would tell us about her week.

The stories were often about table mates or being excluded or the "crazy lady across the hall." Once she told about going to a birthday party in the big dining room where everywhere she look she saw gray hair, gray hair, gray hair.

That seems so long ago and I often puzzle about my attitude toward her life.

Today my husband told me we are seeing the enemy [aging] and he is us. NOW I get what my mother-in-law was talking about. Living in a community that resembles a college dorm more that anything is strange. We experience the same angst about friends and fitting in that we did back then. There are cliques. And finding a group to fit with takes time.

It is hard to make friends and it is very easy to lose them. They are more precious than ever these days. And to say that I treasure them is a great understatement.

Our life is progressing, changing, and coming full circle I suppose.

There is a tightrope we walk between keeping our little world happy and protecting ourselves. I am cranky sometimes so that is not good. It takes a lot of forgiveness and being deaf helps a lot too. I'm just saying!

I love my life here. These people are like my family...we may not always agree and we can talk about each other but we don't want anyone else to say anything bad about our community. After all, it is our "family"!

I have two thoughts for you to take away from this:

• You just have to laugh...it is a lot less painful than crying.
• Remember to watch for the enemy...it might be you!

Have a wonderful day.

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Related articles

• When you visit me in the nursing home....
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The Hoarder's Dilemma

We just made our journey from Oregon to Arizona. Several days on the road with my husband driving gave me time to think about things. For example, I am always a little anxious when we return to a house that has not been lived in for 6 months. Is it dirty? Did I leave such a mess of clutter so we won't be able to get in the door? And so on. Clutter stuck as I let it pass through my mind. I began wondering about people that are hoarders and how they can live in such chaos.

In the best seller book by Marie Kondo called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing the reader is asked to decide about their possessions. Do they love that flower pot an arrangement from the florist came in 15 years ago? And does the flower pot love being dusty and on the top shelf behind the can of nuts Aunt Phillipa sent a year later? If the answer is no and no, then out it goes.

I, for example, cannot keep clothes that don't fit or are obviously out of date. I get rid of dead plants and useless kitchen tools. I really hate rancid nuts.

Bottom line: I AM NOT A HOARDER!

But there are those that might not agree. I know people that live with very little around them. They don't want to feel closed in and live a very minimalist lifestyle. To them, I must seem like a keeper of useless things.

See, I do tend to keep things with memories. I have a wine bottle from Spain in the shape of a flamenco dancer that the wine evaporated out of 10 years ago. I have boxes full of awful jewelry that I wore to proms and weddings. I keep freezer wire baskets and clay pots and business cards and moss. When my minimalist friends walk into my house I am sure they cringe.

So I sympathize with the person that keeps gum wrappers and pieces of string. There is really is no accounting for what we treasure. I don't know if there is a cure for hoarding. I certainly hope so. All of us fight an inner hoarder I suppose.

It is just a thought (as I traveled).

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Fighting for My Good Barbara

We often say on the golf course that we have brought the wrong person along to play our golf game. Bad Golfer Barbara generally comes with me. However, I know that somewhere inside this body that is mine is a really good game of golf waiting to happen. Good Golfer Barbara will

Bad Golfer Barbara spends
a lot of time looking for her
golf ball
in the cactus!

score yet.

Even when I am on Facebook, I have to fight to keep Bad Barbara at bay. She can really be snarky and mean. I am sorry that she even exists but there you have it.

For example, today I found a post with the question that asked, "What do you think of the 'man bun'?". That would be a man with a bun on the back of his head to bring his long hair under control. Bad Barbara really wanted to say, "I don't care. I am too busy thinking about world peace."

I wish that people would use "I" at the beginning of sentence and "you or me" at the end, i.e. "Jenny and I went shopping." or "It was really too much for Jenny and me." See what I mean. If I were snarky I would take the time to point that I think that is a mistake. (I might add that I am not an expert so sometimes I wonder if I am right.)

But here is the thing about people like me that live in glasshouses, bad things happen when stones are thrown. You and I both know that.

So I will keep working to keep Good Barbara around. She is worth saving.

Oh, Happy Halloween!

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Time: It's All Relative!

 I read many years ago that a child's perception of time was based on how big they were. When my grandchildren walk beside me, because my stride is bigger than theirs, I will arrive at the corner sooner than they will. So it is with time.

Shayliana and Brayden. Does time go slower for her than
it does for her big brother?

The distance also appears further to them. When I look down the block to the corner, I am not overcome by how far it is. But for them that block looks like a mile.

As you can see time is on my mind today. It is going so fast that I cannot remember if I just changed the sheets or if that was last week. My thinking is always, "How could it be a week already?"

I suppose that has something to do with aging. Our time is short so it seems unfair that it is going faster than we care to admit.

Sue Mae is Hmong. She is very small compared to me.
Does time go slower for her?

In an article written by Belle Beth Cooper  she pointed out that "the funny thing is, by focusing on what you were doing, you actually slowed down time (or how your brain perceived that time, anyway)." The actual time that passed is always the same but it is all relative to how I spend the week.

Maybe that is why time is flying. We are just doing what is routine. It really has nothing to do with how big or old we are. It has to do with keeping our minds active and learning new things. Isn't that interesting?

What we do with the hours and minutes of every day is very important. Like a small child walking to the corner, we need to focus on every step, not fall and learn what we can. Time is our friend when we fill it to the brim with new experience. Otherwise, our life will slip away and we will have nothing to show for it!

Just a thought!

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