When the Jehovahs Witness Come to Call...

"No, I'm not interested in salvation... but 
can I interest you in a glass of wine?"

I know I am living in the real world. The Jehovah's Witness ladies came to call this morning...before I was even dressed. It has been so long since that has happened that I was surprised they still did that! We exchanged a very few words and we were done. It was kinda nice!

See, I have lived in upscale condos, 55+ neighborhoods and even an RV resort with a guard. The Witness people don't usually visit in those places.

Now we live in a middle class neighborhood with townhouses and people, young and old, that work hard. There are no gates or any upscale anything. It is just real people living in a real place.

I like that a lot. The real world works for me...even when the Jehovah's Witness get me out of bed. I probably sleep too much anyway.

Where do you live?

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Retirement: What are you striving to become?

Oh my gosh, I just discovered the YouTube video called Older Ladies .  Donnalou Stevens is the vocal artist and wrote the song. It is just hilarious. But more interesting yet is the story behind the woman that wrote this delightful little ditty.



I discovered the video on a website called called Boomerology Revealed TV and a segment called Viral Videos with Baby Boomers #18. The YouTube show is hosted by Shahar Boyayan, a professional speaker, author, business owner and show host. Steven had given an interview with Boyayan for the website.
Stevens had been in pain for 30 years of her life and it could consume her I think. Then she discovered that pain is a lot different from suffering. Pain is something we all have but many of us do not suffer from that pain. It was during that interview that she said something so wise and wonderful about writing music for her audience.

I never wanted to create art that perpetuated my pain. I always want it to be whimsical or poignance in some way, not only for me but the the people around me.  

I honestly believe that is true of any type of writing or art or even life...the creator can chose to perpetuate the pain of their situation or to talk about what they are striving to become.

So I invite you today to watch this video, have a good laugh and then create a vision or a poem or a song or a picture of what you are striving to become.

Just a thought!

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Thank you Patrick Roden PH.D of Aging in Place for bringing my attention to this video. He can be found on twitter @aginginplace.com or on the web at Aging In Place.

Taking a Risk...thoughts on Aging in Place by Patrick Roden, PhD

No matter how steep the climb, it is not impossible!

Sometimes an aging person needs to be reassured that taking a risk is worth the cost.  I have always worried about the cost to my children if I were to make a bad choice.  Would the risk be worth the resulting problem?  That is what a post written by Patrick Roden over at Aging in Place did for me.    The story was called The Up-side Risk of Aging in Place.  Dr. Roden reminded me that life is a risk.  Young or old, we know that being alive and leaving our bed is risky. It always will be.

Why is this on my mind today?  Well, my daughter's mother-in-law, Darlene, was moved into her home on Friday to live out the remaining days of her life.  She is suffering from cancer and in hospice care. She is 84 years old .

But that is not the story. The story is about this beautiful woman that is blind, widowed for 35 years and independent.  Her son, now 50, is sharing his home with her because he was raised with an example of courage and risk taking on the up-side.

In Darlene's case she lived alone in the house her husband had just completed when he suffered a heart attack.  Her son lived 40 miles away and her daughter lives in the midwest.  When her blindness and a heart condition began to be a real problem and she could not shop anymore, she moved to a 55+ retirement community that provided meals.  She had her own apartment, continued to wash her own clothes and took care of her own daily needs.  He grandson sorted her pills each week.  She attended church, played bingo and sat at a dinner table with people she enjoyed. Her days were full because she ventured out as much as she could and took some risks.

When this final illness came to call, her children did not rush in and take control.  They talked with her in the company of her pastor and the hospitalist.  She was treated like an adult and given choices that they could all live with.  Even at this stage, in her son and daughter-in-laws home, she is taking a risk.  The children and grandchildren will all be better for having come together at this very difficult time.

My point here is that we set an example in every stage of our life.  The choices we make are reflected back on us in so many ways. Aging in place has it's risks and there are those that feel we should not ever put ourselves at risk by aging in place because we might fall or become ill in our own home.  The commonly held thought is that parents and children switch roles and the parent becomes the child.  I am here to say NO!  Please don't do that.  Adult old people may make some bad decisions or fall or even get a little lost in the city. But who among us does not do those things?  They are not children even though they may need your help.   They are adults doing what they have always done...taking risks and living.

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Aesthetics for Seniors or PLEASE PAINT MY WORLD YELLOW!

I read an article written by a young woman about her grandmother's last years.  Grandma was living in a nursing home or some other institutionalized environment.  The question the young woman was exploring touched a nerve for me.  She could not understand why it was so hard to go and visit her grandmother and talk to her.  I think she wrote the piece so she could come to grips with her grief and guilt.  One could see that she felt it should not be so hard to spend some time with a person you love.

What caught my interest specifically was the paragraph about the appearance of the place her grandmother lived.  Wall were painted that institutional color that sucks all the light of halls and room.  Uncombed hair and a room devoid of personal effects left the young woman feeling alone and slightly afraid in the presence of this loved one. I wondered how others related to this same situation.

Bring life into our life!

Then I paid a short visit to a website calle "Aging in Place" where Patrick Roden writes.  The article Dr. Roden wrote about sex in the nursing home just jumped from the page.  He spoke about ridicule from the staff, loss of privacy, single beds...not a place that encourages what older people need more than anything else.  Human touch.  But the institutions didn't take the beauty of their patients and their situation into account.  Even an old person is more beautiful when they are clean and perfumed.  A hug is easier to give in such a case.

I was taken back to a concept I discovered several month ago that dealt with the importance of aesthetics in the life of the older person.  The name of this blog betrays my belief in the importance I place on the beauty of the things that surround me.

In all of this time I had never once thought about my family or friends and how the appearance of the place where we live might influence their willingness to visit and stay a while.  Young people are not aware of why they don't want to come but could it possibly be that even the color of the paint on the walls is important? Dr. Roden thinks that the "aging in place" concept supports the humanity of the elderly.  It is not only the size of the beds and the privacy a home allows.  It is a sanctuary for the whole family.   It is a good argument for in home care and all that "home" means to the family that makes such arrangements.

As a young senior in good health, I with my husband have moved into a house that is on one level, wheel chair friendly with access to the outdoors and lots of light.  We even have enough room for a live in helper.  We are making this home as beautiful a possible so we can enjoy the years to come surrounded by an aesthetically pleasing atmosphere.  Hopefully, it will serve us well for many many years to come.

And yes, we are painting some of the rooms yellow.  I just thought you would want to know.

Be well!

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Related articles

• Opinion: How Medicare Fails the Elderly (nytimes.com)
• Making our house a home! (retireinstyleblog.com)

Why take a walk? Your mind needs the exercise!!

     I wanted you to know how important it is for you to leave your very small space and go for a walk.  Go out and get coffee or just visit with the neighbors.  I don't care where you go...just go! 
     Why?  Well, the thing is your mind needs the exercise almost as much as your body.  You know I am a great proponent of small space living.  We don't need huge houses to wander around in.  But, it turns out, restricting our whole life to that small space or even that big house will lead to some pretty bad stuff.  For example, here what I read this morning in MD News:

 An individual with a life space restricted to their immediate home environment had almost twice the likelihood of developing AD (Alzheimers Disease) compared to an individual with the largest life space. 

     The definition of "the largest life space" would be all those spaces OUTSIDE your home.  Social interaction is evidently very, very important.  So, if you decide to live in a small apartment or age in place, be sure to keep the world as your living room and get out everyday...please!


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Do You Believe in Fairy Tales? Moving reality!

Have you ever known someone that moved quickly?  Their house was sold for cash, they found a new house in one day and the movers came in, packed for them and took them to a new house.  Does this ever happen or is it just an urban legend floating around out there like smoke in the air?

I love those stories.  It is so much fun to hear a good fairy tale but don't expect me to believe.  I am funny that way.

Condo Memories!

How about the "Karma" stories?  Do you believe that somethings are just meant to be and others not?  Do you roll over when things go badly and shrink in fear of what might happen next?  Bad Karma and change is frightening.  But let me tell you, you can overcome it.  I know.

We are moving.  There is only one more line to be signed before we are totally committed.  And it has not been easy.  A buyer made an offer and then the inspector found that our condo building was not perfect.  They wanted to hold us responsible for the whole 10 building complex.  The buyers representative was even doubtful about writing an ammended offer with the demands.  Thankfully, we had an experienced Realtor working for us.  She didn't even blink.  She just forged ahead.  Write it up! she told the agent.  We responded, worked with the HOA board and resolved the problem.  We are very near to an agreement.  I don't know if it was her tenacity or our unwillingness to roll over and give in to "Karma" but we have managed to over come a big obstacle. This is not a fairy tale move.  This is just plain hard working reality!

We are packing and visualizing this next step in our lives.  We are making the move to overcome the physical obstacles of a condo three stories high.  The move is not a necessity prompted by illness or injury. We did not want to wait until it was.  We are both feeling positive about this new path.   I still walk about in the condo space gazing out at beautiful views and mountains in the distance.  I will miss the lofty space but a change is good. We like to think that this is going to be fun.  We will have a tiny yard and a very light space.   Life is good! We will move in a little over 2 weeks.  This is no fairy tale...this is a true story.

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Hot in Retirement Land...Monday Connections

Here's what I found on the web this morning...hot in retirement land:

• Top Retirement Blogs from Online MBA
• Fresh Links to Satisfying Retirement by Bob Lowry
• Coming of Age in our 50's and 60's by Kaye Healy Kaye has written a book about transition to retirement life and the blog post is well worth your time.  
• Tiny House Blog  Take a look at what you can do with container housing.  This is a blog about very small houses.  (Very much like the one we live in during the winter!)
• Aging in Place...sometimes not good news but still very insightful information!
• MSNBC...Six Ways to Get Income During Your Retirement
• Technomadia...one of my favorite RV meets technology blogs.
• Retirement News from Topix

Have a wonderful week!

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Related articles

• Seniors embrace aging in place (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• During retirement: Paying it forward (the-military-guide.com)
• 3 Reasons Renting Beats Owning in Retirement (money.usnews.com)
• 5 Tips for the First Year of Retirement (money.usnews.com)

Should we AGE IN PLACE or Are There Other Choices?

Retirement Bliss!

When my husband and I moved into a condo with several flights of stairs 9 years ago, a friend asked me what we were going to do when we got old.  My goodness, I thought, this is not even my second to the last move.  I won't be aging in place.  Not on your life!

Aging in place is a phrase that is thrown around a lot these days.  Young people have the idea that their life and life of their parents will be simplified if they just widen doors and retrofit the sink, etc.  The children can come home to the house they were raised in for Thanksgiving and MOM/Dad will have the same bowl they ate out of when they were two.  I know that is what I thought when my mother was facing her eighties.  She asked about the possibility that she might need to move because she could not do the things necessary to maintain the house.  I remember being flip with her and talking about aging in place.  I regret that now.

But as time passed I changed my mind!  Communities are different now and older people are so isolated in a neighborhood where everyone works night and day.  I have come to the opinion that we are better off seeking a community that surrounds us with age mates and lots of activities.  Living is what we need to do...not age in place!  Even the blog called Aging in Place talked about the "context" of aging in place. There are no rules or directives.  We just need to remember that making the bathroom door wider is not enough.  Your parent is not going to be happy because they have a big bathroom door...your parent is living the last part of their and the life should be full and beautiful.  So, if that cannot happen in the house they have lived in for 40 years, then there needs to be a positive change.  If children do it right, the parent will be delighted.  It is all about the context of the suggestion. Here some things I have learned:

• Living with my age mates is a good thing.  I did not realize how much younger I felt around people my own age until we began spending our winters in a 55+ RV Resort here in Arizona.  I actually felt alive, interesting and even young...by comparison. I have learned about being active in my old age and I saw good examples for living a very long time.  
• Try it on first.  It could be that those of you that are debating about your next life choice could benefit from trying the lifestyle change your debating before you make the leap.  Cohousing, condo living, 55+ communities and even Retirement Housing may not be the life you are seeking. That is what we are doing now.  I have learned that resort living is lots of fun and I will seek something that mirrors the life I have here...but with a little more help!
• Take the lead.  I would like to have figured it out before my children have a chance to take over. If we are to get just what we want then we need to begin finding how and where we want to live.
• Transitional change?  As we age the stages of life are playing themselves out.  I hear people in their late 50s talking about moving into something forever.  My friend calls it her "forever house".  I am beginning to think post retirement is a good time for a transitional home purchase.  Like The Three Bears home,  the house should be "not too big, not too little but just right".  Boomerang children are discouraged from coming back to nest but they can visit for a short while but not get too comfortable.  We can get rid of part of our stuff but keep enough to satisfy us and we can learn to share the space with a little more room.  As we downsize gradually, we will adjust better.   It is just a thought!
• Stay Bendable! Here is the biggest challenge of all. Although we hate change even worse as we get older, we need to remain flexible if we can! I know...it is like changing the tides in the ocean. But still, it is absolutely the truth! If we don't see change as a good thing, we will have choices made for us and honestly, we will probably be cranky about them.
• Close but not too close.  I know that I will want to be close to a family member.  I do not want to ever move in with them...ever.  Even if I didn't see them very often, I would find comfort in the fact that we were breathing the same air.  

So there you go.  I just thought I could help you think this through with someone that is walking this road.  Come on out to play.  We could hold hands and giggle along the way.

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Related articles

• Seniors embrace aging in place (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Build the Home of the Future (everydayhealth.com)
• Senior Villages Take Root as Movement Matures (money.usnews.com)