Aging: I'm Sorry But You're Not Doing it Right

Aging is a full time job and I can actually say I like it a lot better than I did the jobs I did as a young person. But it seems that I may not be doing it right. It seems younger people, some of them "experts", have an opinion even though they have no real experience at being old. I think the final straw for me this week was the notion put forth on Fox News that we need to have our vocal cords fixed so we sound younger. Of all things in the world it had never occurred to me that my voice did not sound just fine. I like my voice.

Then I was read a post written by Chloe Jeffreys over at Chloe of the Mountain called Another War No Woman Can Win. In the article she talked about the battles that women just cannot win. Aging has been added to the list. But then doing it wrong is nothing new to a woman like me. Here is what Cloe had to say:

Spending my entire female life watching women emotionally and socially beat the hell out of each other over...being a feminist, maintaining your hymen until your wedding night, giving away the cow for free, giving head, showing your godliness by turning your head and thinking of England, homeschooling, putting the kids in daycare, staying with him, getting a divorce–and on and on–I find myself unsurprised that ageing is the next unwinnable female competitive sport.

Well Chloe, I for one am not surprised. I have heard the discussions from women my age
over graying hair, lifts and injections, exercise and yoga. I have even read articles written by women highlighted with pictures of old people with black hairy moles. In every one of those articles I hear a hint of fear. The idea is that, if you do all the "right" things, aging will not come to you. The truth of the matter is, you cannot escape aging anymore than you can escape growing up. It is just a fact of life. Yet even people like Chloe and I are doing our best to look good as we age.

Women fall into several categories. There are those that disdain the effect that the sun, dry air or even too much alcohol or coffee can have on your body. They plow through life letting what is just
be. In fact, the woman that do that are very happy in their skin I think. If I took every mirror
out of my house I could live like that without any problem.

Then there are those that begin angsting about wrinkles and sagging skin very early in their life. Cosmetic manufacturers love them a lot. I have no idea if it makes a difference. The only women I see that still have perfect skin are the ones that never go out in the sun, use tons of face cream to plump up cells and never change their expressions.

Then there are women like me that loved a natural look for most of their lives. I enjoyed the sun and being outdoors. My skin was wonderful and I would often comment that it did not one whit of good to get sick because I always looked just fine...no sympathy for me. I always colored my hair because I wanted a change once in a while. I too disdained the make-up counters and anti-aging creams. Then one day my daughter took me for a makeover for my birthday. The rest is history and now it is almost 20 years later. I still love my make-up, my dressing table and the time I spend each day pampering myself. I make no apologies for that.

However, I do not color my hair anymore. In fact, I embrace my white hair and all that it implies.

So, I am sure that Chloe would agree. Really, no one is doing it wrong. We all need to do what we think helps us feel good about ourselves. What is right for me is just that. You do it your way and we will both be happy. But above all, we need to face the realities about aging and find a way to be content with what we are gifted.

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Is your lack of Make-up Making you look Incompetent?

" Today, a new study from P&G Beauty & Grooming and lead investigator Nancy Etcoff, PhD., Assistant Clinical Professor at Harvard University and Associate Researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital Department of Psychiatry, confirms for the first time that using color cosmetics does, in fact, significantly alter how women are perceived by others, at first glance and over time.  (First-Ever Study Reveals Cosmetics Alter Instinctual Perception)"

Perception of Beauty (altered photograph)

This study done by Professor Nancy Etcoff and Proctor and Gamble reveals a lot more than instinctual perceptions of competence.  When women are perceived to be more competent if they are wearing colored make-up it implied that appearance always counts.   Even though the study was done on women 20-50, it plays into the fact that an aging face left without make-up can make us look less than smart.   In the study women, were photographed with varying amounts of make up.  It turns out the "natural look" is not as good as we once thought it was.  In truth, up to a point, the more make-up the more competent the woman was perceived to be.  It was only when too much make-up made the woman look like a lady of the evening that the participants backed away from the concept.

For those of us that are getting older in appearance, the implications are very plain.  In fact, I think you will find that most woman have had personal experiences that left them wondering what they had done that made people think they were incompetent or in their dotage.  A quick trip to the grocery without make-up in a baseball cap, followed by a drop in at a sale in the boutique next door can be a disaster.  In fact, going out with no make-up and stringy hair cover by a cap can be very hard on a woman's self-image.  Without realizing it, they have opened the door for clerks and other customers to brush them aside.  It is only worse in the lawyers office or at the car lot.   One can only imagine how bad it would play out on the job.

Women in the work place should be paying attention.  Twenty-five years ago we bought $500 suits for our daughters to apply for a job.  We believed that it helped them get a good job and in fact, we even thought that the clothing, hair cut and make-up would affect their rise to the top. The study confirmed the fact that the rules have not changed much. I think this study shows that, even in this day and age, women of all ages are being held to a "beauty" standard.

I for one am careful to dress as upscale as I can afford.  I like to be in control of my life and the world around me.  Current styles, accessories and even the shoes on my feet reflect how I feel about myself and others around me simply treat me with more respect.

It is just a thought.  I know it is shallow and that beauty does not tell how smart or powerful a person is.  The fact that the made-up women were perceived as being less trust worthy while being judged more competent was a puzzle.   Proctor and Gamble had a lot to gain with the release of this information and the study will be questioned by women that want to be free of the double standard. It could be that women have gone over the edge in their desire to free and this is a message for them. I know that retired women tend to let down their guard.  But the fact is that, in this case, the argument that women should not be required to make themselves attractive takes a real blow...instinctual perception wins again!

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Related articles

• Sagging underarm problems??? Shopping for the look! (retireinstyleblog.com)
• Could Gray Be the New Black? (psychologytoday.com)
• Are women paying the price for taking their husband's name? (bigthink.com)
• What's With the Whole Prom King & Queen Business Anyway? (beautyskew.com)

Fab Over Fifty (or Sixty?)

I am 69 years old...no lie!  In certain light I look every bit my age and then some.  In another I can almost find the young person I really am in my face.  Actually, I am not so in love with the mirror anymore. But if you give me beautiful clothes and a date with my husband to go dancing, the years fade away.  When I begin to feel down I remember what 69 looked like when my mother was that age and I am very content.  One of my favorite blogs called Fab Over Fifty published a post called What Fifty Used to Look Like.  Fifty now is what 25 used to be.  I guess it is all relative to how long we live.

One of my new and exciting adventures includes inclusion in a group of women chosen as Gurus for the Fab Over Fifty website.  FOF is a place for experienced women to gather and learn how other women in their age bracket are living their lives.  I have gotten to feel very at home there.  In my roll as a Guru I am asked questions about the Portland area or just about anything that someone needs an answer for and I get to throw my two cents worth of advice in.  It is a lot of fun.

I have a membership that I pay for each year.  In exchange I get to try the best beauty products and share my opinions about their effectiveness.  So far I have received a product for making the eye lashes grow called Lashfood Nano-Peptide Eyelash Conditioner and a filler by Clientele  designed to cover dark circles under the eye and act as a eyeshadow foundation.   I loved them both.  AND it has been so much fun to actually try those products.

As a result of this experience,  I am taking a whole new look at my face and my age.  I am actually embracing who I am with a lot more enthusiasm.  Why?  Because I have found that beauty is not about age...in fact age is not about anything when it comes to our appearance.  I have always been what and who I am.  Whether I choose to feel good about that has always been my choice.  Fab Over Fifty has given me some new experiences that I would not have had if I had not been my age.  How cool is that.  I am doing what young people are not allowed to do!

I feel fabulous and why not?  Get yourself on over to FOF and take a look.  It is a very interesting place to be.

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Do you need a hair removal professional...Smart Cowgirls find out with a Makeup Mirrors

     I don't ride horses but I do love to dress up in cowboy boots, jeans and a beautiful white blouse. Cowgirls are a little tough, a little girly and a lot glamorous. Here in the Old West horses, girls and sunny open spaces blend together like chocolate and cream. Here is the problem. I am a wannbe cow girl but I am oldish!
     The rules have changed a bit for me over the years. Now, at the age of 69+, I am more conscious of make-up, sun screen and I use a 10x mirror. Yes you heard me...I look at my face 10x's bigger than normal.  A friend with very good vision has been after me for two years to buy one. She could see things I could not but did not want to be the one to give me the bad news. She was always asking "Do you want to look in my 10x mirror?" I just ignored her.
     When I turned 69 I gave in.  So I went on a hunt for a 10x mirror.  Simple? Not even close. Mirrors, it turns out, come in many grades, styles, with and without lights, stands or wall mounts. It was all very confusing. Adding to the confusion was the cost.  Yikes! I saw small mirrors for less than $15 and really nice amazing glamorous styles for well over $100.  Of course I did really want the most expensive because the mirror and the glass was wonderful.  But.......

Wall Mounted Mirror

     What 10x Make-up Mirror  to buy?  My friend bought one good for travel very similar to those found on Amazon (images from Amazon).  She used it for several years before a grandchild broke it.  But what I really wanted was a lighted wall mounted 10x mirror.  I am still dreaming about that one.     We are leaving to travel home for the summer.  I decided to wait until I get to Oregon to buy the mirror of my dreams...no 7+ sales tax in Oregon.  In the mean time I bought a small compact sized 10x mirror.  Oh my goodness.  I was appalled to find black hairs on my lip, eyebrows running amuck and wrinkles....lot of wrinkles.  Hair removal by a professional was going to be an ongoing process for the rest of my life!  I will use the mirror to help with maintenance.   I could say "Why didn't someone tell me?" but I know it is my own fault. I hate when that happens.
    So, cowgirls, listen up. I don't care if you have NEVER been near a horse...buy one of those mirrors and see what you find. We cowgirls need to keep looking good! Oh, and don't forget the sunscreen...remember the wrinkles! Sigh!

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Makeup Tip of the Week...Tinted Moisturizer My Way!

Este Lauder Youth Dew?  I need some of that!

     Do you wear makeup every day?  I was just a little surprised at the question.  Really, I didn't think of my morning routine as "putting on make-up".  I have used a trick for years to arrive at the final destination in the face reconstruction part of my day.  I did not even realize that it made my face look a little made up...in a good way!

     I discovered early on that makeup was very expensive.  Cheap cosmetics did not give good results and actually made my skin feel creepy and dirty.  So I began buying very expensive "foundation" as they so logically call that stuff with the color in it.  I have used Este Lauder with good results for several years.  The bottle of makeup you see at the right is such a good deal compared to what I pay at the local department store...wow! 
     I know, you can now buy tinted moisturizer from vendors.  But I prefer to do it my way.  Now here is the trick...buy the moisturizer you would normally buy.  In the morning put a very small squirt of the makeup in your hand the with your moisturizer and mix them together. I think an all natural skin care product is a good choice for both the foundation and the moisturizer.  Remember, just enough makeup to tint the lotion.  You can use less or more depending on how "madeup" you need to look on that day.  (I don't waste the good stuff on a day when I wash and iron.)  Then apply the mixture like you would your moisturizer.  Wa la...you have accomplished two thing with one simple step.  When I am going to be in the sun I even add a little sunscreen to the mixture.  If you do this you can tint your moisturizer with different shades of makeup if you want to do that.  This is such an inexpensive quick way to start the day.  The foundation may cost you more than cheap stuff but it will last FOREVER!  Add a small amount of mascara, lip gloss and you will look wonderful...every day.
     So for the woman that asked me Do you wear makeup every day? the answer is yes...I guess I do!  A friend told me today that it is our responsibility to keep America beautiful...one tube of lipstick at a time!  I am just doing my part!  :) 

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PS I have to go now and order some of these products I have shown you today...I think I have been paying too much for good makeup...these prices are great!