How Does Your Garden Grow?

The oldest known version [of Mistress Mary] was first published in Tommy Thumb's Pretty Song Book (c. 1744) with the following lyrics:

♬Mistress Mary, Quite contrary,

How does your garden grow?

With Silver Bells, And Cockle Shells,

And so my garden grows.^[1]♬

Now that you asked...my garden is growing quite beautifully, thank you!

When we bought this house 4 years ago we bought a wonderful house with a not so wonderful yard. My husband does not ever want a lawn so we set out to fill a fairly large lot with flowers and green plants of every sort.

Here is the before and the after.

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

The friendships that have grown in the process have been every bit as beautiful. When I work in my yard, people stop and talk. I am at my very happiest when someone asked me for a plant or even wants to walk my garden with me.

The after pictures were taken a few minutes ago. What a beautiful day.

How does your garden grow?

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Re-decorating: Kitty Bartholomew where have you gone?

I loved Kitty Bartholomew on HGTV! I know that dates me but I cannot help it. In fact, I woke up the other day thinking how much I missed those HGTV shows that inspired me to create and recreate. She made me feel at home in my home because the message was that little changes made a big difference. I could do it myself.

Kitty Bartholomew's Decorating Style: A Hands-On Approach to Creating Affordable, Beautiful, and Comfortable Rooms

I still watch HGTV but after a while every show is the same. If you have wasted enough time watching Property Brothers or Love It or List It, you know what is coming next because, in the end, every decor is the same. Nothing reflects the fact that anyone lived there. If you do it their way, a trip to the local big box store is  all you need to decorate any apartment or home. What each place is missing is the layers of life we bring to our dwellings. A home is so much more than furniture placed correctly or even the pictures on the walls. It is those personal items that make the difference.

Moving is a real test of your ability to make a home. Downsizing is a challenge in particular. All the "stuff" you have chosen to keep comes with you and now the task is to make a nest where you can feel as though it reflects who you are. But most people don't move with the thought of hiring a decorator...it is expensive to move. Yet we all want a fresh look. As a result, you have to take what you have and make it work. Someone told me once that when my husband and I moved, you could not tell we had just arrived. It was just us from top to bottom yet it all "looked" new.

The fun is in taking what we have and putting it together in a different way...like a recipe that is changed in small ways creating a totally new dish...familiar yet refreshed.  I love to take all of my wall decor, for example, and mix them together in different way. I do that several different ways:

• color combination, i.e. all black and whites or muted colors or genre
• texture, i.e. all antique frames or woods
• eclectic, i.e. a mixture of colors, textures, 3-d items (musical instruments, etc.)
• shapes, i.e. round, rectangle, square
• themes, i.e. travel photos, pictures of flowers, family photos, landscapes

I use this same technique when I arrange furniture or gather a table top arrangement.

I can use my formula for my home and it looks okay. But Kitty knows that a home is where you live. Every item in her rooms seemed to say that she put her hands on it and made it her own. I always had the feeling that each piece had a story and she could tell you where it was from and why she loved it. I want to be like her.

When you come in my house, you will know that what you see is what my husband and I love. My husband is the ergonomically correct person and he wants to have his things at his finger tips. I have come to love that. His clutter is a thing of beauty because it tells me that he is at home too. I suppose this fact explains why the walls are not pink and covered with flowers. Our home is a shared space.

So, Kitty Bartholomew wherever you are, thank you for making it okay to "live" in my little house with a cat that sheds and a husband that nests. Even as our home gets smaller we feel comfortable. In my eyes it is beautiful. You have given me a very special gift.

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You can always depend on Mr. Roger!

Many of my closest friends are retired teachers. They shared my love of children and are probably a lot like me in their beliefs. We look children directly in the eye and smile. Our lives were all about knowing that a small child has a very big life inside them.

My friend Meredith posted this quote on her facebook account. I don't think she would mind it if I share it with you:

From the album: Timeline Photos

By MoveOn.org

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news. my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." - Mr. Rogers.

I think we are all looking to the "helper" to find a way to take care of those that are afraid and in need of comfort. Take care that you are a helper. I will do the same.

b+

Myths and Realities of a Reverse Mortgage

The following article was sent to me by Reverse.Org and I am publishing it as information. I do not endorse reverse mortgages or any type of mortgage plan for that matter. I just think that being informed is the only way to go. I did not receive any financial consideration for publishing this.

I was actually surprised at the way it works.  b

Myths and Realities of a Reverse Mortgage

As with many financial products, reverse mortgage loans can be complicated and there may be a number of misconceptions about how the product works.

A reverse mortgage is a loan available for homeowners aged 62 and over. It  allows you to access a portion of the equity you’ve built in your home.  The loan proceeds can be used for a variety of expenses including car repairs, medical expenses, travel, debt, home improvements etc. 

Reverse mortgage loans are insured by the Federal Housing Administration (FHA), and are different from other types of mortgage loans because the borrower uses the loan proceeds to pay off any existing mortgage and does not make monthly mortgage payments.  

So what are the other myths vs. the realities?

• Myth No. 1: The lender owns the home.You will retain the title and ownership during the life of the loan, and you can sell your home at any time. The loan will not become due as long as you continue to meet loan obligations such as living in the home, maintaining the home according to the Federal Housing Administration requirements, and paying property taxes and homeowners insurance.
• Myth No. 2: The home must be free and clear of any existing mortgages. Actually, many borrowers use the reverse mortgage loan to pay off an existing mortgage and eliminate monthly mortgage payments.
• Myth No. 3: Once loan proceeds are received, you pay taxes on them.Reverse mortgage loan proceeds are tax-free as it is not considered income. However, it is recommended that you consult your financial advisor and appropriate government agencies for any effect on taxes or government benefits
• Myth No. 4: The borrower is restricted on how to use the loan proceeds. The cash proceeds from the reverse mortgage loan can be used for any reason. Many borrowers use it to supplement their retirement income, delay receiving social security benefits, pay off debt, pay for medical expenses, remodel their home, or help their adult children. You’ve worked hard for this asset and prudence along with budgeting should be the proper approach to enjoying proceeds received from your reverse mortgage.
• Myth No. 5: Only poor people need reverse mortgages.  The perception of the reverse mortgage as an assist for the “poor” borrower is changing - many affluent senior borrowers with multi-million dollar homes and healthy retirement assets are using reverse mortgage loans as part of their financial and estate planning, and are working closely in conjunction with financial professionals and estate attorneys to enhance the overall quality and enjoyment of life.

For more information on reverse mortgages feel free to visit the site reverse.org.

© 2012 Genworth Financial Home Equity Access, Inc. 10951 White Rock Road, Suite 200, Rancho Cordova, CA 95670. NMLS # 3313, (800) 218-1415 or (916) 636-0183. AK #AK3313, AZ #BK-0908847.  

For a complete list of licensing information visit: genworth.com/reverse/licenses

Did the AARP Invitation Get Lost in the Mail?

I laughed when Blue Orchid wrote the guest blog about receiving his AARP invitation when he was 48 years old.  His decision to pass on the kind offer seemed right considering his age, how long we will live, and the cheesy gift AARP was offering.  But I laughed even harder when my husband got his invitation in the newspaper this last Sunday....he is 74!  Did the invitation get lost in the mail?  You know, a person could get their feelings hurt.

The dreaded symbol of getting old!

The benefits are the same as those offered Blue Orchid...an insulated travel bag in red (AARP color) that is suppose to tip the scales toward the option to send $14 for membership.  Even though that included the $4.03 subscription to AARP The Magazine and a free insulated bag we have made our decision that we are not ready to join yet...maybe when we get old but just not yet.

Blue Orchid of Texas, I think we will just hang out with you and your Studio30 friends for a while longer if that is alright.  

Be well.

Barbara

Do You Believe in Fairy Tales? Moving reality!

Have you ever known someone that moved quickly?  Their house was sold for cash, they found a new house in one day and the movers came in, packed for them and took them to a new house.  Does this ever happen or is it just an urban legend floating around out there like smoke in the air?

I love those stories.  It is so much fun to hear a good fairy tale but don't expect me to believe.  I am funny that way.

Condo Memories!

How about the "Karma" stories?  Do you believe that somethings are just meant to be and others not?  Do you roll over when things go badly and shrink in fear of what might happen next?  Bad Karma and change is frightening.  But let me tell you, you can overcome it.  I know.

We are moving.  There is only one more line to be signed before we are totally committed.  And it has not been easy.  A buyer made an offer and then the inspector found that our condo building was not perfect.  They wanted to hold us responsible for the whole 10 building complex.  The buyers representative was even doubtful about writing an ammended offer with the demands.  Thankfully, we had an experienced Realtor working for us.  She didn't even blink.  She just forged ahead.  Write it up! she told the agent.  We responded, worked with the HOA board and resolved the problem.  We are very near to an agreement.  I don't know if it was her tenacity or our unwillingness to roll over and give in to "Karma" but we have managed to over come a big obstacle. This is not a fairy tale move.  This is just plain hard working reality!

We are packing and visualizing this next step in our lives.  We are making the move to overcome the physical obstacles of a condo three stories high.  The move is not a necessity prompted by illness or injury. We did not want to wait until it was.  We are both feeling positive about this new path.   I still walk about in the condo space gazing out at beautiful views and mountains in the distance.  I will miss the lofty space but a change is good. We like to think that this is going to be fun.  We will have a tiny yard and a very light space.   Life is good! We will move in a little over 2 weeks.  This is no fairy tale...this is a true story.

b

How to Move! Tips gathered from experience! +Info Links

We are in the process of packing to move...we hope.  Even though there are a few problems with the sale, the closing is is scheduled for July 22.  Talk about being the pickle in a sandwich...this has got to be it.

So we are putting things in boxes, sorting out and disposing of unused or wanted clothes.  We are trying to simplify our lives and make this move easier. We have moved in cars, farm trucks, pick-up trucks, u-hauls and moving vans.  There has been the dorm room to apartment rental move, apartment rental to small house rental move, small house rental to small house purchase move.  Moves up and moves down only to move back up again!  For most of those moves we have used old stuff from family or bargains I have found.  We have very few valuable things.

There are a few things I have learned as I traveled "around the block of experience."  Just in case:

Moving Van?
Image by Andrew Torris

1. When you hire movers, always buy their insurance.  Your insurance may say they will cover it but we learned the hard way that their exclusions were our problems.  A box of china  was crushed by careless movers and my insurance company would not pay!
2. Check on the movers carefully.  If you are storing items, insurance becomes more important that ever. 
3. Buy a package of boxes ( at Costco) that are sized correctly.  This makes loading a van easier.
4. Don't assume that bedding, towels and clothing are lighter.  Those boxes can be very, very heavy.
5. Mark all boxes carefully.  Note what order you want them taken into the new house.  Some things can be left in boxes for a few days (or until you move again!).
6. If you are moving with your partner or husband try to pack together. Both people should know what is in each box. This can be a stressful time and cooperation really helps.
7. I like to downsize before I move.  I do not want to do any sorting when I move into the new house.
8.  Pack suit cases as though you were going on a trip so you have the necessities on those first days.  
9. Accept that your storage areas and garage is very full of things. Allow room for those things.
10. Remember, when you think you are through packing, you still have a lot to do.  I once forgot how much room our gardening supplies could take up.  What looked like a pickup load turned into much, more.

We are not young and we are eating an elephant just one bite at a time.  The trick is to take it slow and easy.  Gulping does not work.

Just a thought.

b

Moving Day Checklist

Moving On....will the family and our ghost be happy?

In a perfect world it would all go...perfectly!  We would list our home and the buyer would come with cash, no questions and pay to have us moved out.  But we all know that the world is not perfect. At least not where I live.  Of all the things my husband and I have done since we were married 50 years ago, moving has got to be the most difficult.

I remember the first apartment...the one I would still be living in because I did not know how to move.  I was barely 20 years old.   Now we are planning for what I hope is our final move.  The house we have found is perfect and we will not get too old for it.  Our condo is going to a good owner so whatever ghosts that live with us are not throwing a fit....yet.  We have sorted and disposed of most of our junk already so the move should not kill us physically.  Still....

There are things that I just hate to do.

1. Fill out and sign forms
2. Wait
3. Worry
4. Decide
5. Work hard
6. Talk about finances
7. Sort
8. Clean top to bottom
9. Face a deadline
10. Worry (again)

When you are the member of a family, you know that everything you do has an effect on everyone else.  It is true in our case too.  We will move closer to our daughter (is that good?).  Our grandchildren only know us in this place.  Will they mind a new "grandma house"?  Are we being financially wise?  Will the move be a burden to our family?  Will the move kill us!!!!

It will all be fine.  We are very excited to be getting a home that has no stairs.  The house is the same size as our condo but it has a tiny fairy garden in the back and is landscaped front yard.  I will have an office so I can continue to write for you.  We will have a great room layout with no division between the kitchen and living.  I will also have a desk in the kitchen.  We will over look a tiny green space and our neighbors will all be retired.  We will be able to walk across the street to a neighborhood with walking paths.  We are within walking distance of the downtown here in Hillsboro.

It all seems good right now.  The ducks are all falling into a row and, good Lord willing and the creek don't rise, we will be moving by July 26th.  YIKES!!!  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

b

How to stay young! Spend time with children.

     I have always loved being a grandmother...well most of the time.  I didn't like to be in trouble with my daughter-in-law or my children.  I didn't like it when my grandchildren tested my powers or brought me to my knees with crying shrieks.  Still, when I look back to the beginning, I think I always loved it.  Now 19 years later my second grandchild will be graduating from high school.  How can that be.  When this child was born I felt very young, like a parent myself.  I thought of my children as my peers and I moved with the same energy they had.  I have come to believe that I feel as youthful today as I did then.  Maybe, just maybe the grandchildren are the reason.  I know they say laughter keeps us young.  If that is true, I will never grow old.
     This grandchild is the one that wanted to know when his grandfather and I were going to get real jobs like his mom and dad.  We were retired and he was worried we were lazy. Following this line of reasoning he decided one day that I could get a job at the "untying store" because I had managed to untangles a very long string that was connected to his lego set.  He was thinking there was hope for me after all.
      This is the grandson that would hang onto the timeout chair with all his life.  It was as though he thought it would fly away if he didn't.  He flew around himself and had only his own actions to judge the chair by.
      This is the grandchild that knew the value of a dollar.  I sent him to the dollar store one time while I shopped for fabric.  He bought three rolls of electrical tape.  He knew the power of electrical tape and called his mom to tell her about the good deal he had made.
      This is the grandson that bought me a water tight box for my ipod just in case I ever fell out of a canoe.  He valued my ipod a lot.  I have never been in a canoe and don't plan to be.  But just in case....
      This is the grandson that was sent home from the baby sitters because he wanted to share his new big boy underwear with superman on it. The sitter was upset when he pulled down his pants in the back yard.  Several years later he discovered the pee hole in his underwear and wondered if grandpa knew about that hole in big boy underwear.  It was the most convenient thing he had ever discovered.
      I took this boy to watch houses being built and made his grandfather stop so he could get a good look at big trucks and construction equipment.  I thought it was funny that he thought I was the one that would love seeing the houses and went along willingly.
      He and his sister stayed at home for several summers in a row with me and I drove him to the velodrome so he could ride bicycles there.  I watched him develop courage at speeds that blew me away.  I am very grateful I was the one that was allowed to observe him on that course.
      So you tell me.  Where did the time go?  He is 18 and I still feel very young.  Is it possible that we will enjoy adulthood together?  Grown up people living in the same world?  I am willing if he is.
      So my grandson E-man,  Congratulations!  I hope you have loved being with me as much as I have with you.  Thanks for the memories.

I love you,
Grandma b
     

Mother's Day at Home or Who Is Cooking the meal???

Image via Wikipedia

Listen up!  I want a basket like this!     

 
Who is cooking dinner?
     We joked for years about which of the men was going to make arrangements for Mother's Day.  Really, we were innocent enough to believe that our men were even interested in a holiday created by Hallmark. Sigh!  Let it be noted that we women are older and wiser now. We know that if we want something we had better stand up and be counted. We can vote, dance, work and buy our own gifts.  We may cook a meal for the family but we will be getting gifts!
     This Mother's Day will be a wonderful day for us. My daughter is running a half marathon, my son is working nights and I will fix lunch for everyone with my husband's help. I am so excited and am looking forward to having everyone gather in our home. I will fix my world famous chicken soup with homemade noodles, crudites and a flourless dessert (for myself). I will give gifts to grandchildren that had birthdays while we were gone.  AND I will give myself a gift!  Yeah!
 
What will I  be buying for myself?
    I have decided I am going to get myself a hanging basket.  In the northwest we grow beautiful Fushias.  I can remember the days when we could not afford one of the big baskets so I would buy small starts and grow my own.  This year I will have a big basket full of flowers growing by my kitchen window...even if I have to buy it for myself! One of the flowers in that basket will be a Fushia.  It will symbolize how far we women have come since I was married over fifty years ago. Happy Mother's Day to me!

Have a wonderful Friday!

b

PS:  Your mother may prefer a Kindle!

Related articles

• Five Fabulous Mother's Day Gifts Under $25! (923now.radio.com)

HOW TO BE A SNOW BIRD...senior living!

Cactus in bloom!

Questions
     "Oh my goodness.  Where have you been and what have you been doing?" 
     "Why haven't you called.  Surely, now that you are retired you can find the time?"
     "Are you mad at me?"
     "When can we have dinner?"
Answers:
      Senior living is full and wonderful.  What can I say?  I am living, I planned on calling soon, if I were mad at you I would tell you, yes!  Just to prove that I don't mean to neglect you here is how our season is winding down.
Spring is Here:
      In the land of the Arizona snowbird season, there is an ebb and flow. People that come and go settle into a routine in the fall when they arrive. They buy food, seasonings for that food and if they are like me, flowers to nurture during the season. The flowers grow and the people live. The evidence of the change that will be coming very soon is very like the one we see in the flower blooming in the fall. As the season draws to a close, the flowers burst into full bloom.  Here the people burst with energy.  We have to be sure that we get our sleep at night. That is what I have been doing.

Dinner with friends!

     A friend told me the other day that she was going to spend her last month here being on vacation.  No cooking, just pool time, cocktail hours and dinners with departing friends. During the season we work and live.  But when spring arrive, we savor each and every day.   During the last week we have been too busy to call or write.  I am so sorry.  I am sure you will understand when you see the schedule:

• Tuesday:  Spend day reading
• Tuesday:  Buy a new book for my Kindle
• Wednesday:  Golf
• Thursday:  Dinner at a friends house
• Friday:  Drive out to Agua Calienta
• Saturday:  Dinner for 8 at my house (buy food, prepare food, set table with tablescape :))
• Saturday:  Danced to the Sixties Garage Band
• Sunday:  Attended a pool party (buy food, prepare food)
• Monday:  Invited everyone to potluck personally (walk around a lot)
• Tonight (Tuesday):  Potluck for 20+ at my house (buy food, prepare food, set up tables, etc)

     Someone said the other day, "When I see people parked in the desert, I wonder what they do all day."  In my reply I said "They live."  That is what we do each day.  In this Arizona resort, if we get bunchy or even lonely, we simply walk out the front door and hollar into the neighbor's door "Whatcha doing?" If I were parked in the desert, I would find a bird or a beautiful rock.  My Arizona lifestyle is just what I make it.                                
     That, my friends is what we do all day!

b

Books (mysteries):  Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
             Girl That Played With Fire

Hot Charity for Grandparent's Donations and Volunteers...Kaboom (not the cleaning product)!

Have you ever gone shopping for a coat and come home with a set of sheets? That is kind of what happened to me this morning. I was out on my web, hanging by a thread, looking for my bliss. I was searching for an inspiration that would let me write about retirement.  I didn't find retirement but I did find a place that inspired me.  AARP Volunteers sit up and pay attention!  That place on the web is called Kaboom!  (At the bottom of this page you can follow my trail to a place called Kaboom!)  


KABOOM--why play matters AND how to fill the play deficit???? 
Kaboom is a non-profit organization with several functions.  One of those functions is to help parents/grandparents and communities organize to build play grounds for children in neighborhoods that are short of money but need a safe place for children to play. I found this question on the ask.metafilter.com website:

My daughter's public charter school, housed in a converted bowling alley with a small asphalt play area, has just received a KaBoom! grant to design and install a "dream playground." We're very excited! 

...Help me generate ideas for, and find images of, absolutely amazing creative, educational, inspirational and physically stimulating play spaces suitable for daily use by 250 kids in grades K-8! tidycat 

Kaboom I thought...what is that?  This is what I found.  The organization giving the grant (Kaboom) was founded by a man saddened by the loss of two children's life in a "playground" of abandoned cars. Children really do climb in car trunks or refrigerators or holes in the hillside because there is just no safe place for them to play.  He knew there had to be a way for grandparents, parents and community activist to make a safe places for children to play...and he did it!  The goal is for every child to have one of these spaces within walking distance of their home.  Businesses sponsor the projects and children, parents, community members work (physically) to make the dreams come true.


WHY?

Kaboom has gathered some very compelling reasons why play matters...we as grandparents will benefit from children in a healthy play environment now and in the future.  This what Kaboom had to say about play:

Physical impact:  Since play often involves physical activity, play is closely related to the development and refinement of children’s growth and fine motor skills and their body awareness.Kids who play are healthier. Kids who play are less likely to be obese and develop obesity-related health problems such as diabetes and heart disease. 

 Emotional and social impact:  Play helps kids feel more connected to their communities. Community playspaces have a positive effect on social cohesion, foster positive attitudes toward racial and cultural diversity, and help reduce feelings of isolation or exclusion.Kids who play, play well as adults. Kids who play build their confidence and learn the social skills that help them become happy, well- adjusted adults.  

Cognitive impact:  Research suggests a strong link between play and cognitive development. Play has been linked to student learning and academic performance. Play is a factor in improving attention, attitudes, creativity, imagination, memory, and so many other skills critical for learning.Kids who play do better in school. Kids who play develop the cognitive skills that are positively linked to learning and academic performance.

IN THE OLD DAYS!

We have all heard it..."I remember when we wandered all over town, and played with a shovel and a stick!  We didn't have any fancy playgrounds to play on...we can't even afford__________NOW!  Let parents provide a place for their children to play!"


I too remember a merry-go-round and hanging on for dear life.  I remember simple monkey bars and hop-scotch square made by scraping lines in the dirt.  We played with a shovel and a stick in the garden while our parents watered the plants.  We dug holes in the hillside...it scares me to think about it now because children die in cave-ins quite frequently.  I also remember no sidewalks and streets of dirt, abandoned houses and a school burned to the ground.  I remember peeping toms and child molesters and bad teachers.  The "Good Old Days" were not good.  True, I was happy and kind of safe but I would not want my children or grandchildren to go back to that place.  I returned to my home town a few years ago and found the streets lined with dead cars and garbage in front yards...that is what happened to the good old days in marginal neighborhoods where middle classed turns into slums.  If we want children in these situation to find a better life we need to find a safe place for them to play and show their parents how to make that happen.


NOW IS THE TIME!
Kaboom caught my eye because it made such good sense...donating to an organization like this, supporting schools and keeping our grandchildren safe...these are things that make everyone's quality of life better.  Great schools and safe places to play create healthy children, reduces crime and builds a better future for all of us.   I like that a lot...for me that is what "Retiring in Style" is all about!


b

Note:------------->FOLLOW THE DOTTED LINES!  gmail---->invited to link with a website----->BabyAccessorize.com link---->technorati for my bio---->back to BabyAccessorize form for link---->back to technorati to check my status (27000th on the list...share me with Technorati please)---->see who Technorati rated this morning---->click on link called Calling all Kids...and Kids at Heart! (ask.metafilter.com)----->find a website called Kaboom-----> sit up in amazement!  There it was...my bliss!

Donate:  Kaboom

Related articles

• Foresters, KaBOOM! & Volunteers Encourage Quality Family Time By Building New Playground for Long Beach Children (prnewswire.com)
• Trees Too Dangerous? That's What New Jersey Child Care Inspectors Say (news.change.org)

How to be a friend to your aging parents! Some common sense!

Now let's get this straight...your parents are not your children.  Old people are not children.  It really is demeaning when you treat an older person like a child.  Even a very ill old person deserves to be treated like an adult!  Because I am getting older all the time, I think I have a few words of advice for you. You can take it or leave it...that is your choice.

If they weren't my family, they would be my friends!

FOR THE YOUNG PEOPLE
I was eating breakfast at a local restaurant this morning.   My husband and I had just been seated when an older woman using a walker came in accompanied by her daughter.  Now this senario can go either way. The woman using the walker can walk just fine with her walker and the daughter can walk beside her or even behind her carrying on a normal conversation or the daughter can hover over the mother speaking in condescending and superior tones. I think you know what I mean.

Now the mother begins to talk.  She has things on her mind...apartment things, news things, nursing home/assisted living things.  She begins to talk about the woman that sits at her table at lunch every day. The woman is not nice she says....what should the daughter do?

• Shush the mother telling her that she should just ignore the other woman.
• Validate her concerns but not make any suggestions.
• Give advice on how to handle the problem.

Now remember, you are not the parent...you are a friend.  If you think of your parents as adults, you know that they do not want you to tell them how to behave nor do they want your advice!  I have been the daughter in this situation and really I was beating my gums giving advice all over the place.  As I look back on this I know I was wrong on so many levels.  I realize now that all my mother wanted was for me to understand.  I want you to know that your parents want your support for the decisions they make.  If they need your help with intervention where they live you need to do that.  But ask first.  Some things cannot be changed so don't leap into the void.  Let her call the shots!

As you are leaving the restaurant your mother remembers that she wants to go shopping for a red sweater at her favorite shop north of town.  You had not planned on spending that much time with her today.  What do you say?

• I just don't have time for that right now.
• We will think about that later.
• I've been wanting to get some things there...what day can we go?  
• We will have a field trip later Mom.

You are not the parent...you are a friend!  Let her call the shots!

Even if your parent is suffering from dementia or has reached that time in their life where they have transcended the everyday wants and prefer to reflect on the past, please treat them with the respect they deserve.  Sometimes all you need to be is a good listener and conversationalist.  Who knows, you may learn more than you ever expected.

A real friend enjoys my company.  A real friend treats me like an equal.  A real friend goes places with me unexpectedly.  A real friend loves me in spite of my faults and failings.  A real friend makes me feel important and needed!  A real friend lets me be in charge...they let me call the shots!

Older people do not want to be called sweetey or honey nor do they want to be called "youngsters on a date" like it is a joke.  Really, when someone says that to us we want to laugh...they have no idea how much we enjoy each others company and no joke, we do go on dates.  I know...it sounds nuts but older people are not old inside. Please treat us like an equal and show a little respect for our age...we do like to be treated as though we are wise.  And we like to call the shots! Try that.

FOR THE PARENTS!

My husband and I are a little outrageous sometimes...we say things we shouldn't just to see if we can get a rise out of our children.  We get in trouble...but we are not intimidated by their scolding.  Remember if we are to be treated as though we are wise and strong, we really do need to act the part. We are still teaching our children how to behave even as we grow older!

Finally, be sure that, when you ask for advice or help, it is for the right reason.  Older people will act helpless when they are hungry for attention.  Going to the well for help can actually invite a perception that you are helpless and even childish.  You are a grown up senior citizen.  I am sure that you can find a better way to get time with your children.  In the end we must have a life of our own...our children are not our children anymore...that is why we need to foster our friendship with them.  After all we love them more that heaven can tell.

Have a wonderful day!

b

Park Model Living....coffee hour with the girls!

I love to have company.  A perfect Blue Berry Scone + coffee made with beans freshly ground...the beans must have a slight hint of chocolate.   I am in heaven.  Add a couple of friends on a sunny morning sitting on the deck in the shade.  Topping it all off is a set of coffee stirring spoons I found online at Amazon.  What can I say....

b 

Image from MoMA

Don't forget to visit Fab Over 50!

Wendy's Blueberry Scones
Serves 10
Ingredients:
1 cup all purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
3 Tbsp. sugar
1/4 cup unsalted butter, chilled
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 cup low-fat vanilla yogurt
2 Tbsp. low-fat or fat free milk
6-8 oz. fresh blueberries
Directions:
Preheat an oven to 450*F (425*F for convection ovens). In a mixing bowl, toss together flour, sugar, salt, and baking soda. Slice up butter into cubes and add to flour mixture. Using a pastry blender, two knives, or your fingers cut butter into flour mixture until the butter is the size of peas. Mix together yogurt and milk, and add to the flour mixture. Do not overmix! This is key to making any quick bread. Add the blueberries carefully. Pour mixture onto cutting board sprinkled with flour. Knead the mixture gently 2-4 times. Pat into a circle about 1 inch thick. Using a knife or dough cutter slice like a pizza into 10 wedges. Place onto a baking sheet and bake for 8-12 minutes or until golden on the edges. Serve with fresh fruit!
  From Edible Nutrition

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It said "USED RECREATIONAL VEHICLE FOR SALE"...their dream is coming true!

Marcia and Leon

The Cactus Wren forever making a nest!

It's all about the nest....retiring in style that is!  Those of us that live the life style love to see others working toward the day when they too can enjoy all the things we love.  That is what we were privileged to do yesterday.

My husband and I were treated to a visit from a fellow blogger; Marcia (RV Poetry) and her husband Leon. It really is amazing how much we knew about each other even though this is the first time we had been in the same room/state/part of the world!  That is the way the blogging community works. 

They live in Fort Lauderdale, FL. but have ties in Washington State where they recently sold a home. This was their maiden voyage in the small recreational vehicle.  They have been on the road for six weeks, visiting Washington to take care of business.  Now they are making their way back home and visiting other bloggers/friends along the way.  We were very lucky that they chose to stop overnight here in our RV resort in Tucson, AZ.

Leon and Marcia are in a business that allows them to work on the road part of the time.  So, when they made the leap and bought a beautiful used recreation vehicle (Class C) recently, they could hardly wait to begin making the coach look and feel they way they wanted.  They are very creative people and once they are done, the manufacturer may want to follow their example in a future design.

We talked for several hours, ate dinner at a gorgeous authentic Tucson, AZ restaurant and this morning, I invited myself to their coach where I took some pictures and got a vision of what this small RV "doll house" on wheels was going to look like.

The ultimate in small used recreational vehicles!

It seems the manufacturer of Lazy Days RVs built this wonderful small Class C recreational vehicle to last.  The addition of a new sink in the kitchen required the use of a crow bar to remove the old sink.  

The area normally used as a bedroom can be converted to a living room during the day!

 The design was very unique too.  Features included a lounge like bedroom area.  They had removed the old bed setup and installed foam mattress that were free of all odor emissions but were still fire proof.  The beds slide apart and convert into couches against each wall.  They have added a wall mounted flat screen TV so the area becomes a perfect living area during the day.  Marcia and Leon decided on this crisp blue and white color scheme that make the area look so clean and beach like.  Because all the curtains can be removed, they can take advantage of the views.  I like this a lot.  I can't tell you how many times the actual scenic view is out the small back bedroom window especially in the back-in spots in camp grounds or RV resorts.

Cab Area is curtained off while parked and stores clothes!

Marcia had several ideas for how to use the cab area when they were parked.  Because they need office equipment and have much of that stored in what was once the clothes closet, they decided to convert the cab area into a closet/storage area that can be set up and dismantled in matter of minutes.  A closet rod was attached to the cab over bed area and did not interfere with their movement when the clothes are moved to a small rod in the back of the vehicle while they travel down the road. She had also thought of a drop down desk for this part of the coach but decided against it.  The over cab bed will be used as storage. 

They will be back...I hope.  Leon can golf with my husband and Marcia and I will visit Tubac or go up do the art galleries in the Catalina foothills.  I will be anxious to see how this beautiful small recreational vehicle has evolved as they use it more and more!

So, like the wren that works on a nest in the cactus next to our park model, those of us that travel are always making a home out of whatever we can find to use....I think Marcia and Leon have found just the perfect nest making material for their life style.  I wish them well!

b

More Information on buying a used RV:

The Rv Rating Book, 1990-1999: Best of Used Motor Homes

I thought this little Christmas tree ornament might be the perfect gift for the RV enthusiast in you life!

We are always concerned about covering our RV when it was stored.  This is a very good solution.

I just thought this Pimp My RV would be a fun gift too.  We are looking for ways to make our RV just a little different.

6 Small Kitchen Storage Ideas + get your recipe published here!

Wine bottle with a spout.  Image via Wikipedia 

I  love kitchen tools...micro planes, food processors, beautiful chopping boards, a wonderful whisk, a wooden spoon and even a great pair of orange salad servers are in my collection.  I did not break the bank collecting these.  Antique stores have some very useful kitchen tools that have survived the test of time.

Here in Arizona I have one beautiful knife I use for chopping plus a great pairing knife.  I have a very small kitchen but I have beautiful small kitchen tools. The trick is finding a place for everything.  I have a few hints for those of you that live in a small space. These can help with your kitchen storage and function...even in an apartment. 

STORAGE

1. Don't keep anything you do not use.  Box it up and store it in the garage if you must but, if after say a year, you have not used it,  give it away.  If you don't have a garage give the extra stuff away now. You never will find a use for it.
2. Use every wall you have.  If you buy beautiful kitchen tools hang them in plain site.  On Apartment Therapy you see peg boards used frequently.  In a apartment you need to keep in mind the rules about that sort of thing.   Think of the space you will free up by getting big items out of drawers and how handy everything will be.  
3. Find a place for a pot rack...a very simple pot rack...and hang your pots up in plain site.  You can free up so much space by doing this.  My husband put a 1/2 inch copper pipe hung between the two cabinets over my kitchen sink. You will need to make a visit to the hardware store to find hooks.  We found black rubber tie downs with hooks on the ends and removed the hooks.  The hook could be twisted so they faced in the right direction.  It is beautiful.  I love to show off my cookware. 
4. Think outside the (kitchen) box.  This old cliche should become second nature when you live in a small space.  For example, you can also use a tension curtain rod for hanging small kitchen tools. You could spay paint it to fit your kitchen decor.  This could be put up inside the cook hood or between upper cabinets.  If you have beautiful olive oil bottles or even empty wine bottles buy a spout and store these on the counter top back in an unused corner.
5. Store a party under the bed...drink glasses, wine glasses, etc.  I have a set of glass ware, lots of beautiful paper napkins/plates (Tuesday Morning)  and candles (Trader Joe's dripless candles) for entertaining.  I store these in a box under the bed.  Living small does not mean you cannot entertain big!  I love a party.
6. Buy small counter top kitchen appliances.  They are less expensive yet serve the same function.  For example, I have a very small Cuisinart food processor, colored lime green, that does everything I want.  I can make a batch of hummus in this with no problem. Recipe:

• whole can of chickpeas 
• 1/4 cup tahini, 
• 1/4 cup oil, 
• 1 tsp salt, 
• 2 tbs lemon juice
• garlic cloves (you decide how many)
• The seasoning of your choice.  I have added olive topenade, sun dried tomatoes, Italian seasoning and curry powder.

COOK SMALL:
I love crackers and snacks.  They just taste good to me.  The trick is finding things that are not fried or loaded with salt and sugar and still have lots of flavor.  AND they must be easy to cook in a very small kitchen.  I live in a doll house.  Recently I came on a recipe from a website from Beekman 1802 for crackers.  I have been trying various recipes for a while now but could not come up with anything that was not soft and tasteless.  Then I found this idea for crackers made using semolina flour,  flour and what ever you have around.  They are very good.  The basic ingredients are:

Ingredients
1 1/2 cups semolina flour
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (I add quinoa, flax seeds, sesame seeds...crunchy/healthy is my goal.)
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 cup warm water
1/3 cup olive oil

1 healthy dose of your imagination. 

Mix the ingredients with a mixer or by hand in a large bowl.  It should be easy to work with...if it won't hold together, add a little more water. Rolls out and cut with a cookie cutter or bake in a sheet and break up after cooking.  Place the crackers on a bake sheet that has been sprinkled with corn meal and poke crackers with a fork.  Bake in a 450 degree oven for 10-12 minutes.  I found the large sheet needs some cooking time adjustment.  I will leave that up to you.


ADAPTING THE RECIPE TO A SMALL KITCHEN
When I am at home in my doll house, I roll the dough into small balls.  The size of the ball depends on the size of the cracker.  I pressed the ball into Parmesan cheese when I made them yesterday.  Roll the crackers out with the rolling pin on a small chopping block.  I don't even put flour on the surface.   The balls need to be small enough that the dough can be rolled out without wrapping totally around the pin.  I like mine very thin.  They are crispy but can still be topped.   I have been making these for a couple of month now and each batch is totally unique. You can even bake a few of these in your toaster over and store the uncooked dough balls in a plastic bag in the fridge for a couple of day!!!

YOU HAVE THE SPACE SO HAVE A PARTY
Have a party and make crackers AND hummus...your guests will be so impressed!!!  I would love to have you send more ideas for meals that be cooked in a small space.  I will publish your ideas and choose the best!

Stay well.

b

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8 VALUABLE Tips for All Thing Frugal...from someone that knows!

Photos enlarged become beautiful art work!  by Barbara

If you are retired you have all been around the block many times.  Your pool of living wisdom is so deep and wide it can overwhelm.  That is why I have hesitated to WRITE about living frugally...I am sure you all have tips to share with me!  So I have decided I will share with you and you can share with me.  It seems only fair. (Leave a comment and I will add your idea to the list along with your website link.)

1. CLOTHES SHOPPING  I learned a sweet secret when I was very young and thin.  Those days are long gone but this secret has been invaluable to building a wardrobe on a budget.  Sales are wonderful but if you shop for your size only your are missing the best bargains.  I just scored a beautiful pair of Eileen Fisher linen slacks last week for 75% off.  By looking on the rack of one size up and one size down, I will find very expensive clothes that are sized wrong or are made by a designer label that will cut clothes differently.  The last stop for those clothing is where you will find the best deals so go to a Nordstroms Rack or a store that is up scales in your city.  Shop in the clearance department.  You will be surprised.
2. ENTERTAINING ON A BUDGET  If you are like me, you love to entertain in style...candles, table cloths, napkins, beautiful food.  The short version here is a list of the best places to find these items:  Dripless candles, Trader Joe's dripless candles are so cheap and beautiful.  They self extinguish and absolutely will not drip.  Table cloths can be a simple piece of fabric cut to a square....54" wide buy 54" of fabric. You can simply buy fabric glue or tape and iron a hem.    Napkins that look like cloth but do not need to be washed.  Tuesday Morning has beautiful expensive paper napkins at a very low price.  Food can be elegant without breaking the bank...I love Sandra Lee's Semi- Homemade.  Always remember a small amount of something out of this world can be supplemented with basics like seasoned rice or quinoa and vegetables.
3. DECORATING  Always remember paint is a lot cheaper than tearing out walls.  Design Remix on HGTV has wonderful ideas for using what you have to dress up a room.  But paint is cheap! especially if you go to the sale shelf at Home Depot.  True there are a lot of colors that you DON'T want or had never thought about.  Check every time you go in.   Basic white with a slight tint will be there occasionally and that is always a good choice.  PAINT CAN BE EVEN CHEAPER THAN YOU THOUGHT!
4. TRAVEL AND EATING  First remember that most motels have wifi now and your computer is going to be your friend.  If you don't travel with one, most motels have a computer station in the lobby that you can use.  Take advantage of the information a search like best food in Seattle can show you.  This is so basic but sometimes we forget how travel can be affordable.  Seniors generally don't eat as much as a construction worker...going to the truck stop is not a good health choice and is probably not a good value.  This is what I think.  Breakfast does not break the bank but it can smash a healthy diet.  Bacon and eggs is not a good choice at least not every day.  A quick visit to the grocery will get you what you need...yogurt, fruit and a whole wheat bagel.  Or stay at a motel that serves these things as part of the price of the room.  I think lunch is the meal we should eat as our main meal.  The lunch menu always less and has basically the same dishes as the high priced dinner meal.  You can eat at a nice restaurant with good service for a lot less.  I think that happy hour at up scale restaurants makes good sense for your evening meal.  You can order a soda or iced tea if you don't drink wine and buy a happy hour item or even two, be well nourished and not break the bank. The thing to remember here is that a mixed drink can be expensive so check on the happy hour specials.   Besides that you can get dressed up if you want so elegance has not flown out the truck stop window. Most restaurants are willing to split a meal for you is you desire.   Remember to check online for Groupon and Restaurant.com.  We eat for 1/2 at some very nice places.
5. RECREATION   GolfNow.com is a great place to find discount golf at the last minute.  If you are traveling most motels have a computer station somewhere.  Give it a look before you book that full price golf outing.  You will not feel like a dope when you check in and find the guy next to you is paying a lot less than you because he booked a tee time online fifteen minutes later than you.  There are other similar sites that work just a well.  Sometimes local websites have great deals.
6. BIG PURCHASES There are some things that just take your breath away.  A car purchase for example.  I am not as good at this sort of thing as most people.  For example, we have gotten a lemon car before and traded it in as soon as we could.  So I don't like to buy second hand.  I know someone else bought that AWFUL car!  We purchased a new car this spring and saved quite a bit by going to our credit card website to see if they had any tips.  It turns out that American Express card company has agreements with car dealers fora discount which turned out to be their bottom line.  It saved us the pain of dealing with the back and forth of dealing and put money in our pocket.  Look it up, find your car and ask your car salesman if they participate.  Go away if they deny you.  It is in everyone's best interest so I can't imagine them turning you down.  IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK! 
7. ALWAYS BARGAIN...WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?  We have traveled to countries where bargaining is a part of all shopping experiences.  We have learned that the bargain is simply in the asking.  Cash will give you a discount for furniture...but you need to ask.  While Starbucks won't bargain with you, a barista may sell cups for less if you buy more than one.  IT NEVER HURTS TO ASK!  I have grinned or chuckled with all sorts of merchants because I was not afraid to ask...the answer may be NO but who cares.  Life is too short to be too serious!
8. SHOP FOR QUALITY NOT QUANTITY  We all have our quirks.  Mine happens to be an aversion to cute rate stores.  I have found that in the end I usually paid more because the merchandise was shoddy and I needed to replace things long before I should have. I don't know about you but I like for the things I buy to last a while.  Buying cheap is a lot different than buy very good quality for less.  I much prefer to buy expensive sheets that don't match from the sale table.  I have done this all my adult life because I love beautiful things and I was a teacher.  Teachers do not get rich!

There you go...8 tips from a frugal but stylish shopper!
Note:  This list may grow...check back later!
LEAVE A COMMENT AND I WILL ADD YOUR IDEA TO THE LIST WITH A LINK TO YOUR BLOG OR WEBSITE!

b

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