Snowbird Lifestyle: Is it more a Necessity than a Luxury?

Oregon in October

San Xavier Mission (s. Tucson AZ)

The weather report said:

•  temp. 59, 
• air quality good, 
• wind 6 miles out of the southwest, 
• next sun: NEVER! 

That, my friends, is why we are snowbirds. Even today we have people ask us why we leave beautiful Oregon. Yes it is beautiful but....

Here is where I reinforce the notion that for the aging senior, a few months in the warmer weather is not a luxury...it probably will improve the quality of you general health. It may be a necessity. You can move about more because your pain will be less. Cold weather can have a severe impact on your breathing and even mental health. The warmer you body the less your heart and lungs have to work.

In an article written for the Inspiyr website called 5 Reasons Warm Weather is Good for Your Health Sydney Epstein sited some interesting reasons why that is so. It seems that all the usual reasons applied. The sun is good and being physically active is so important. But the fact is that people in warmer climates benefit in other ways.

Our memories improve when your body is warm and your heart has to work less to keep you blood pressure under control. Epstein also pointed out the there is a safety issue involved. Usually it does not snow in warmer climates. Dry sidewalks are good...falling is bad!

And then, in my view, there is our mental health. Dementia is always a problem with people that are aging. Keeping that problem at bay is reason enough to stay active and involved.

In most cases snowbirds are very socially active. We all know loneliness among seniors is a problem. But even in the very inexpensive senior locations, social activities abound.

The author of this article has listed some very good references if you need more information.
Head on over to Inspiyr and see what you think.

Do you feel better in warm weather?

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BETTER SLEEP TIPS: The Hot Round-up of the Web Link Suggestions!

I first published this article back in 2011. The baby I talked about just turned 10. But, in the matter of sleep, not much has changed. I received a request for a backlink to some current information so I thought I would repost the article.

Best quote ever: "Put sleep in the background of your life. Don't monitor it, don't evaluate it."

My son and daughter-in-law spent the week retraining their 1 year old to sleep through the night. They have spent on year nurturing this little person because of health issues at birth. After a year, it became apparent that the baby had played his "no sleep card" one too many times. After a week of training he slept through the night... like a baby! This is the one thing that babies have in common with seniors...both age groups are delicate sleeper.

Now I read that we can retrain ourselves to get a better nights sleep, even as we get older. Yesterday I talked about the Memory Foam Mattress and how the mattress we are sleeping on can be the real culprit. Sleeplessness leads to a sluggish next day and could even make us less affective on the job. All the information I read about sleeplessness mentioned the mattress and it's importance in a good nights sleep. Whether it be the Memory Foam Mattress or another, mattress getting the one that works for you can be the key. Sleep is important!

Beyond the mattress issue, there are other things that can keep us awake at night. It is a given that stress, worry, medications and health problems can interrupt sleep patterns. The trick is to find a way to sleep in spite of those things or to change our lives to eliminate problem issues. There are a few common suggestions from people that study sleep problems and most of them, surprisingly involve what we do before we go to bed.
BETTER SLEEP TIPS...a round up from the web!

• NAPS Napping for a long time during the day will keep you from sleeping. If you need a nap limit the time. 
• EXERCISE You are going to need to get up and move. Do what is appropriate for you age...walk, run, swim, work...just get up off the couch, leave the TV or book or handwork and get up and move. You will feel better and you will sleep better. 
• FORBIDDEN FOOD Do not drink bad stuff before you go to bed. On the list of "forbidden" foods and drink are: alcohol, coffee, tea, colas, heavy meals less than 2 hours before, tobacco, and lots of water. We need to go to bed satisfied but not over watered and fed. If you drink alcohol at bedtime you will actually have a "withdrawal" that will awaken you during the night. 
• Good FOOD Stick to foods that contain high levels of tryptophan, such as milk, turkey, yogurt, ice cream, soy beans, tuna, and peanuts in the evening. Tryptophan helps the body produce serotonin in order to relax. (wikiHow.com/Better-Sleep) I know that a tablespoon of peanut butter will make me sleepy. 
• CIRCADIAN RHYTHM If you do not know how much sleep you actually need to feel good the next day FIND OUT NOW! Some of us sleep long hours and other need very little sleep. It is called the circadian rhythm or 24-hour cycle. As we age our sleep patterns change and worrying that you are sleeping more or less than you did when you were 20 does not help. 
• ROUTINE Once you have done this, establish a routine and make an effort to maintain it. Going to bed and getting up at nearly the same time every day gets your body and mind in the sleep habit. Psychology Today says ordinary insomnia may be cured simply by going to bed one hour later for a few nights, even though you may get drowsy. After that period of time add a little sleep back each night returning slowly to the normal routine. (And for heaven's sake don't drive when you are drowsy!) Like that grandson of mine...we may need to retrain ourselves to sleep. 
• BATTLE EVENING DROWSINESS Get up and move...again. I think that if you eliminate alcohol and eat a reasonably sized meal you find that you are less drowsy. 
• BEDROOM ENVIRONMENT The bedroom should be a sanctuary. Tune life down at bed time. Lower the lights, turn off the TV, meditate or listen to soft music. Keep the bedroom quiet, dark and cool...cool, I think is the key here. My experience is that getting a little chilled and then climbing into a warm bed leads to a very good night sleep. 
• LINE UP YOUR BODY Some people promote the idea that lining up our body is important. For many this is like teaching an old dog new tricks. A sleep position habit could be hard to break. Sleep on you back or side with your head lined up with your spine. Putting a pillow between the knees keeps the hips in line. Putting the pillow under you knees when sleeping on your back, eases back pain. I actually do all of the these things and they do help. I also think that sleeping at least part of the night on my back has improved my posture. Slumping over all day AND all night does not make for a straight back. 
• THE MATTRESS Every link I visited in my research mentioned the mattress...they say get a good mattress and take good care of it. It is just common sense. 
• SLEEP AIDS? Only one website mentioned sleep aids. Melatonin, antihistamine and tryptophan pills were all on the list. However, I would like to think that we could do this without a pill. 
• WHEN TO SEE THE DOCTOR If you suffer from restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, acid reflux or any other disorder that disrupts your sleep, go to the doctor. Many of these disorders are very dangerous and may even cost you your life. 
• DON'T THINK ABOUT IT Psychology Today suggests that we "put sleep in the background of [our] life. Don't monitor it, don't evaluate it." Could it be possible that we think too much...especially at bedtime. I think so and so do the experts. Quit thinking and don't go searching around in your mind for solutions to problems at bedtime. I have never had a doctor tell me to quit thinking but it just makes good sense. If you know you need to do something in the morning and are worried you will forget WRITE IT DOWN AND FORGET IT. 

Of all the websites I visited, I felt that Psychology Today had the best strategies for curing a bout of insomnia. Hop on over there and read what they had to say. The article was called Your Guide to a Better Nights Sleep.

Sleep well.
b

Resources:

Help Guide How to Sleep Better
Psychology Today Your Guide to Better Sleep
WebMD How to Sleep Better
wikiHow How to Sleep Better
Mayo Clinic 10 Tips for Better Sleep

BETTER SLEEP TIPS: The Hot Round-up of the Web Link Suggestions!

Related articles
Circadian Rhythm and Blues: The Interface of Depression with Sleep and Dreams (psychologytoday.com)
Say Goodbye to Insomnia (psychologytoday.com)
Best Medical and Non-Medical Insomnia Cures (healthadel.com)
Heeding the Body's Basic Rhythms (psychologytoday.com)

When You Visit Me in the Nursing Home....

This is another of those Just Shoot Me Now posts! I am feeling discouraged because of an article written by a Ronna Benjamin about a visit to her grandmother's nursing home. The article, There is Nothing Fun about the Nursing Home, appeared in the Huffington Post Post50 blog. It was an indictment of a nursing home facility that housed her grandmother. She told a story of darkness and hopelessness. It was not what I needed to hear today or on any day for that matter. The last two paragraphs in the article left me wanting to cry:

I leave after an hour, wondering why anyone would live in a nursing home if there were other options available. But unbelievably, with every marble intact, my grandmother in fact made that choice.

"Writing is never 'fun,'" E.B White is quoted as saying. I generally don't agree; in this encore career, I wouldn't do it if it weren't fun. But there is nothing fun about a nursing home, and there was not much fun in the writing about it either.

The story hit very close to home because am old.  I am 71 and my husband is 75. We are both active seniors with a beautiful life style. However, the reality is if we live long enough and are not killed by a run away golf cart or something, we too will spend some time in a nursing facility. It is a given. It is what we will want because we will not want our children to care for us at home...period. My mother, mother-in-law, both grandmothers and grandfathers did that very thing. My father died suddenly at 76 and was spared this final stage of his life.

They were  all part of the decision in as much as they could be and did not act like spoiled children when the day came. There was no talk of running away or going back to younger days. In fact, they each brought their share of joy and grace to their new home.  I have always been proud of their selfless behavior.

As a family, we have learned some hard lessons about nursing home care and what can go wrong. We have also learned about the good things and the good people that will work with the very elderly. Even though I did not know what to do about the bad when it was my turn to take charge, I did learn to take action and make sure that those under my watch were cared for with as much love as possible. I got up off my bottom when things went wrong and found someone that could make some changes. I worked right along side the care givers to make things as good as they could possibly be. It was a labor of love.

Facing the facts is hard. Sometimes people need a lot of care and those of us that are not in a medical field and do not have homes designed for care giving cannot do the things necessary. Even those of us with the best of intention and motivation fail our family in that regard. As hard as it may be, many times there is no choices left.

Then there is the fact that society views nursing home and their residents today with the attitude that people had in the past about people with disabilities, mental handicaps or even physical disfigurement. Those people were kept in a closed room out of polite society's view. Handicapped children did not go to school because the other children needed to be spared the very site of someone that was different.

This attitude is the one that people take toward those that are suffering from disabilities related to aging or even the wrinkles and moles that appear over time! What I have seen is that when there are no choices and the decision has been made, families with desert their loved ones. Younger people can't stomach a visit to the nursing facilities. If their loved one does not recognize them they don't see the need to visit and be watchful. Hence, the nursing home horror stories. It could be that when they see what they do not like, they can excuse themselves from going to visit as often is necessary.

In a perfect world, all care would be loving and gentle. Everyone would grow old and remain beautiful. No one would come to a place where they were unaware of what went on around them. People would have no aversion to spending time with family members that lived where they could be cared for. Church congregations would come to the nursing home and worship and families would share movie nights with their loved ones. Birthday parties in small eating areas for provided residents would happen frequently.  There would be no alarms or even a unsightly person in a wheel chair...in a perfect world.

But this life is not perfect and what an outsider may see as ugly an insider over looks or even becomes blind to over time.

Bring me flowers....

You need to get over it please. Never mind how your grandmother or mother looks or how the lady in the next room behaves. They are still beautiful inside.

When I am very old and need to be cared for,  please come to visit. When you come to visit me, bring a book or some needle work or a small project of some kind. Wash my face and put lotion on my hands. Open the curtains and bring flowers or treats for everyone. Eat with me and don't act shocked when I spill. Go find the coffee pot and bring me a cup. Sit beside me and work or read. Just be with me as though we were at home. Provide a TV for me or bring your laptop computer with an old movie we can share or an old familiar song. Bring me magazines with lots of pictures. In fact, bring magazines for everyone and let me share them. Do what brings you joy and I will love it too...even if I cannot let you know. Hold my hand and hug me.

Be proactive for other residents and not just me. While nursing home supervisors will want things to be good, I will know they cannot  watch everyone.  Jump to your feet when an alarm goes off in the neighboring room and be standing beside it when the aid gets there to turn it off.  If a summons for help is not answered, go find someone to help.  Do those things that are not getting done...pick up things, clean just a little, strip my soiled bed. Become a partner with the facility in the care for me. It could be that employees will understand that you are a part of their community too and you want for them to succeed. I will become special in their eyes because of what you do. Isn't that a good thing? Besides, that is what I will want you to do.

I will be sorry I cannot bring you joy like I did all those years ago...I know that will be hard. Try to find a place in your heart for me. What you think as you sit beside me will be revealed in your eyes and I will know how you feel. I think you will need to bring the joy with you. I hope you won't mind. And I will need your acceptance more than you know.

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Note: Talk to the nursing home superviser if things are not what they should be. Find out what can be done. Contact the ombudsman in your state if the nursing facility is simply horrible and move your family member if things don't measure up. Be a part of a solution.

Note: First published in 2013 but nothing has changed!

4 Reason's Why You CANNOT Sleep? Or are you sleeping on the wrong side of the bed?

I was wrong...again.

I wrote this blog post in 2010 but I am updating it NOW. It turns out we were not right about sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. We were wrong about that new mattress we bought at Costco. See, those mattresses have only one sleepable side and the edges roll off on all sides. Once I measured the part we could actually sleep on I realized we lost a full 8 inches to a big slope. We returned the mattress, bought a king sized mattress. Now we both sleep a lot better no matter what side of the bed we are on. Anyway, here is that old article. The ideas here are still valid and ones that I have encorporated into my routine.

A place to relax and read before bedtime!

MARRIED PEOPLE, THE BEDTIME ROUTINE AND SLEEP
I write a blog about staying active as you age...remain flexible, I tell my readers, don't get stuck in a rut and refuse to try new things.  We should at least try to change our routines occasionally.  My thinking is that, just like our joints, our minds get stiff if we don't make it moving.

So, being the person with all the bright ideas, I suggested that my husband and I switch sides of the bed.  I would sleep on the right side and my husband on the left.  We needed to change things up...remain flexible...learn to love change!  It was the principle of the thing not the bad or good of it.  My husband is always up for a challenge so we did it...last October.  It was a nightmare.  He felt like he was falling off the bed and I slept with my knees in his face.  And we did it for three months.  Our sleep quality fell like a  boulder off a cliff but neither one of us would admit that it was a problem...for us.  It was his/my fault that the bed seemed really small and that we both wanted to sleep in the middle of the bed!  If the other person would just straighten up and sleep in the right place the problem would be solved.

Then I folded...we need to talk  I said.  I cannot go on like this.  Even though I know it was my idea, I was wrong.  Can I please, please, please have my side of the bed back?  My husband did not give in the first night but then, when I went to bed last night, there he was back on his own side of the bed.  We both slept like we had not slept for 3 months.  It was wonderful.

COMPUTERS AND SLEEP

Changing the bedtime routine is not the only thing that can interfere with our sleep.  It turns out that there may be a relationship between our bedtime computer use and what our brains thinks about sleeping.  The light generated by the computer screen or the ipad can fool our brains into thinking that the sun is up and interfere with brain waves.  Researchers at Northwestern University are saying that computer use right before bedtime may "delay your ability to sleep".  Phyllis Zee, a neuroscience professor at Northwestern University and director of the school's Center for Sleep & Circadian Biology said:

"...it could also be sufficient to affect your circadian rhythm. This is the clock in your brain that determines when you sleep and when you wake up."  John D. Sutter, CNN

NAPS VS NIGHT TIME SLEEP
As we grow older, we have both the time and the inclination to want a nap...I love a good nap better than chocolate.  But the dilemma is whether this makes sleeping more difficult when we go to bed.  Like all the other wicked pleasures we enjoy, it turns out that too much of a good thing is not a good thing at all.  Sleeping all afternoon can lead to a bad nights sleep which leads to the need for a long nap...an so the cycle goes.  I personally find that I sleep more when I am inactive or even (dare I say it) bored!  The trick is to keep active and busy.  If I do these things I never think about a long nap.  If I do take a nap I try to set a mental alarm that only lets me sleep for a short while.  When all those things do not work I just try to do better the next day.

The thing we need to remember is what our body needs in the way of sleep to function at a high level.  A short nap during the day can actually help us stay active longer.  Slogging through the evening feeling exhausted is not productive and certainly not pleasant.  

OBSESSING OVER LOST SLEEP
I don't know if we can control what we think about or even talk about as we get older.  I would hope that if you find every conversation beginning with some ailment or tale of woe, you could somehow re-train yourself to not do that.  I know it gets much harder as we age.  Training ourselves not to obsess over small things like a little lost sleep is good.  We all know that obsessing over anything can be a problem.   I have also learned that a lost night's sleep is not really important...I don't feel much different either way.  So it seems that the trick is not obsessing about a good nights sleep or the lack of it.  What I do is simply never talk about it.  That works for me.

SLEEP...A PILL OR PEANUT BUTTER
I don't remember if I told you this or not but I saw an article the other day that listed peanut butter as a sleep aid!  You heard me right...peanut butter.  It seem that peanut butter has a chemical in it that promotes sleep.  Here is the funny thing...I eat a tablespoon of peanut butter when I could not fall asleep and have done so for several years.  I was actually surprised that there was a scientific reason it worked...I thought it was just a trick I played on my mind!

So I have come to these four conclusions regarding sleep and me:

1. I probably have always slept on the same side of the bed from the time I was a child.  I should not try to change that now.
2. A good book is probably better before I go to sleep than spending time on the computer.
3. All naps are good...if they are kept short. I feel better in the evening
4. Obsessing and talking about how I sleep may keep me awake at night. And I know that no one is really interesting in hearing me talk about it.

I am interested in what your idea might be for restful sleep....leave a comment with your ideas.

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6 Free Anti-aging Solutions

Was thinking about all the things we can do to make us look and feel younger today and not one thing that came to mind cost a dime. How perfect is that?

My reward for hard work!

I was reading a post over at Sightings over Sixty the other day...I seem to be getting some ideas from Tom these days. He was talking about bowling but the post ended with an insight about aging. A fellow bowler pointed out that we are not old until we say it outloud...or at least that was the way I read it. He made me wonder about people that never seem to age. What do they do that keeps them looking and feel much younger than they are? Here is a list of things that I think are important.

1. Never, never say you are old. It will age you right on the spot without your even getting out of your chair.
2. Read and talk...everyone can talk about something they have read and age is no boundary. Talking to someone else everyday is so important and now you have something to talk about. Beside that reading is wonderful exercise for your mind!
3. Smile. It is common knowledge that we smile when we are happy. But could it be that we might feel happy because we smile. I hope so because we all know that smiling is a youthful expression.
4. Work...hard. Muscles will forget how to move in a nano second! Use your muscles so you can move with ease and comfort.
5. Wash yourself with vigor. Personal appearance and best of all cleanliness keeps us mindful of our well being. A little lotion or make-up helps but there is nothing like clean hair and skin to make us feel good.
6. Stand tall...I even sleep on my back for a while every night. My posture is more important that anything. It contributes to my sense of balance as well. 

I am sure there are many more. What do you do that you feel is important to your well being?

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Related articles

• Sit up straight! Your health depends on it
• The hidden power of smiling
• Smiling Is Contagious
• Is there an anti-aging cream that works?
• When you visit me in the nursing home....

Small Space Living: Channeling my inner goldfish!

Channeling my inner goldfish....

I heard once that a goldfish only grows as big as the container in which it lives. That is why you see big "goldfish" in big ponds and tiny ones in a glass. I really don't know if that is true but it does sound very interesting. Oh, and I have been told that if you feed a goldfish too much it might die. That is important to know if you buy one.

...or channeling my inner whale? (Sea World photo by b+)

Last night I began to wonder if I was finally reacting to the fact that my my husband and I live in a small park model all winter. Is my inner goldfish telling me that I need to get rid of a few extra pounds or my house will be too small to hold me? After all, I should fit into my tiny house. That may be the reason I have begun to enjoy walking again.

When I walk, I lose weight...AND that is the only way extra pounds are going away. There is no hope that I will change anything much about my eating habits at this stage in my life. Thank heavens I am not like a goldfish. I might eat myself to death in one day.

When I return home to Oregon, I will have 1500 square feet of living space. Plus, I have a yard, a patio in the front and the back. There is a small park across the street. I don't even know what to do with all that room when I get back. But, believe it or not, the goldfish in me will adjust and before long I will feel like I cannot live with less.

As for my weight...pray for me. Up until now, I have managed to not expand to fit the space in Oregon. Let's just hope I don't slip a gear or something and begin to channel my inner whale. My goldfish self would have a tough fight against that big creature!

Be well,

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Is there an anti-aging cream that works?

How old ????????

Quote: Do not regret growing old.  It is a privilege denied to many.

I know, we all go into denial when it come to aging. There was a time in our society when not only did people die young but it was better that way. Growing old was very hard. But now that we have dentistry and wonderful medical care, growing old is expected. This good right? We should be grateful when we actually reach 50 or 60 or 70 or 80? But NO...we cannot do that. 

Have you seen the infomercial by Cindy Crawford about her anti-aging line of creams and lotions. They show two melons, one is rotten and the other is fresh as the day it was picked. Whenever that was. The line is that the melon holds the secret to staying young FOREVER. Honestly, you can try to sell a substance made of a fruit that never grows old Cindy Crawford, but in every sense of the word I am not buying it! It is just plain dumb to spend my time smearing fruit juice on my face. It will not work at all I don't think. But then that is just me.

So do you think there is something out there that can stop me from growing old? If so, what is it and have you tried it? I am all ears!

Until that time I will not regret growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Grumpy Old Men: Ladies, it is not your fault!

Front Page on
Generation Fabulous

 Have you ever wondered if you should pamper your husband? After all, he is working hard and under a lot of pressure.  When the husband turns that certain age when he begins to wonder where his youth had gone, the changes in his life may have his wife wonder what she could do to make him happier. Women will even morph themselves into something they are not just to keep the marriage together. They will take up hobbies they have no interest in learning because they can see that, if they don't participate in his life, some other woman will. 

Really, there is nothing wrong with being aware and making an effort to be a part of the husbands life.  Sometimes we get too comfortable in our relationship with our husbands and blow them off when they want to do something we think is silly. But there is a much deeper issue here. The question might be how responsible is a wife for her husbands happiness? What if the husband that was dealing with midlife issues didn't want to take up a new hobby but was so irritable that he was impossible to live with?

There was an article published on eHow several years ago entitled How to Deal with Grumpy Old Men (the original is not available but here is a similar one.) I could not believe what I had read. The female author was promoting the idea that, when her husband treated her badly, it was because she was doing something wrong. She believed that he would be happy if she just gave him a relaxing back rub or worked harder at not irritating him. 

It all seemed so 1950s to me. But it must not be. When younger women bloggers are giving other women advise on what changes are needed to make their husband happier, there may be a lack of knowledge concerning a deeper problem. I think that if women are doing this, they are doing their husband a real disservice. The husband may not be suffering emotional issues. There may be problem physically.

Grumpy Old Men (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Have you ever heard of andropause. It is a midlife crisis similar to the menopause women endure.  The condition or syndrome is related to the drop in male hormones. The drop begins at the age of 30 and continues at the normal rate of about 10% per decade. The drop is believed to be related to the upswing in the number of grumpy men past the age of 40.

We all know that this is the problem so many married women encounter when their husbands pass middle age. Women are suffering from menopause and begin taking hormones to get through the crisis if it is necessary. They take blame for their husband's behavior because they are so menopausal and unreasonable themselves. But men, unaccustomed to even hearing about their hormone level, are in denial and making everyone miserable both at home and maybe even at work.


A book called The Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing the Four Key Causes of Depression and Aggression by Jed Diamond is a one that is referenced quite often. The author is a psychotherapist practicing in Northern California.  In an interview written for the San Francisco Chronicle he  said,

"The chief response with men is denial," Diamond said in a phone interview from his home. "They say, 'No, I'm not irritable!' to their wife at the dinner table, or, 'Of course I'm irritable! My wife makes me irritable. If she wouldn't do those annoying things, I wouldn't be irritable!' 

I think that women really do believed that if they didn't do those annoying things their husband would be less irritable.  In an article written within the last year for eHow, this was a contributor's  advise for dealing with a cranky husband:

Watch what you say and do, because getting mad or offending him is not a good way to deal with a cranky husband. And remember, he isn't perfect, and neither are you. Have patience, because we all go through cranky spells. He is your husband, your lover and your best friend, so a little patience will go a long way in dealing with his moods.

Read more: How to Deal With a Cranky Husband | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2122855_deal-cranky-husband.html#ixzz2QBTxv2os

Trust me, when a man suffers from this drop in male hormones, there are not enough back rubs or patience in the world to help! I might add that if either party is displaying abusive behavior, there is something very wrong.

But what is this all about? Does the problem just creep up on the couple at such a slow pace that no one realizes what is going on?  I think so. There are physical signs that go unrecognized because the syndrome is not all that simple. In a news item from Canada.com they pointed out that depression was not the only symptom. They also mentioned loss of sex drive, lack of energy, increased body fat, loss of strength and body mass and hot flashes. 

Recognizing the symptoms, seeking either the medical help or counseling needed and facing the fact that abusive behavior is a symptom of a deeper problem is key. Even having the discussion about what the problem might be may help. As a woman that has been married for 52 years I can tell you that the work that goes into keeping it all together never goes away. This issue is one that needs to be faced head on or the misery could last a life time.

"If she wouldn't do those annoying things, I wouldn't be irritable!" is not even rational and never has been! The man that said that didn't really mean it...I can't believe that he even heard his own voice. 

It is just a thought!


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Note: My husband and I traveled in our RV with an older couple for several years. This lovely man was the most unreasonable, irritable human that ever lived.  His wife suffered his abuse and even tried to change her behavior to keep him happy. This experience made me wonder what was going on. The research I did here was a result of that experience.

I might also add that I am not going to eHow for advice.  It is not reliable...or at least I don't think it is.

Life Extension Article on Testosterone Treatment

Related articles

• How to Help Your Guy During Andropause
• Declining Testosterone and Effects on Male Health
• Common Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis in Men

Aging Gracefully: Happy Inside My Own Skin....really!

I have been thinking about the phrase "aging gracefully" lately.  The GenFab Facebook page is using it as the jumping off point for their bloghop this month. This group of women always have something interesting to say so I am joining the conversation.

Aging gracefully...what does that mean away?

The Skin I Live In:
Reading glasses, no make-up and lot of wrinkles!

This has been a hard one for me. Grace and manners seem to go hand in hand for me but I don't think that is what we are after here. Gracefully...like a ballerina or a tango dance. Gracefully as the palms in a gentle breeze. No, I don't think that is it either. Could it be that the noun we attach to the word...aging...changes gracefully into something that is negative?

I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that concept until it occurred to me that aging is all about change. Whether we like it or not somethings just are. Throughout our lives we have been changing, growing and learning. It really doesn't matter if we are 17 or 71 this process can and should be a positive one. We get to decide. Or that is what I believe.

But as we age gracefully, the world is telling us that how we look is more important that what goes on inside our heads. The message is that we are not worthy unless we look like someone we are not, someone that is younger and more beautiful. We are told that aging gracefully means we need to somehow find a way to make our outer self look less used.

However, we all know that our skin...that shell we live in...ages no matter what. It too learns and grows and changes as we grow up and older. It tells a story of hard life lessons, sunshine on the beach, children that were difficult to raise. The very part of our body that we need to treasure has been negated in our eyes.

So, if you are not happy inside your skin, what part of your life would you give up so you would not have as many wrinkles or even age spots? Would you sacrifice the days on the beach, sunning with your spouse or watching your children play? Would you by-pass all those lessons in life that made you the person you are today? Would you have spared yourself the worry and sacrifice that rearing and nurturing children brought?

As for me, I am what I am. I take care of myself, wear nice clothes, keep my hair well coiffed, apply sunscreen, lotion, and make-up. It doesn't change much but I like it so I do it. When I look in the mirror, I have come to love who I am again. I think I am aging gracefully. The fact is I would not skip any of those days on the beach or late nights waiting for children to come home. No amount of money worry, time spent with aging parents
or even illness can ruin one day in my life because it adds more character to my face.  I love the skin I am living in...for that I am grateful. How about you?

Definition (mine)-
Aging gracefully: living, growing and learning while an attitude of gratitude.

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Synonyms for aging (see what I mean?):

Synonyms:

crumbling, declining, developing, fading,fermenting, getting along, getting on, maturing,mellowing, senescent, slumping, stale, waning,wearing out

 Related articles

• What is Aging Gracefully?
• Helpful Pointers That Will Help You Age Gracefully
• Growing old(er) gracefully
• Living Gracefully

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Happiness Won 3 to 1 in 2011! What about today?

I published this article in 2011. I found it today while looking for another link.  It was a flash from the past and I could only think that things have changed in the last few years in such a drastic way. Those people that were turning 50 when the economic crisis hit 4 years ago are probably not feeling quite as depressed.  Maybe they have adjusted or maybe things were not a gloomy as the news and economist had them thinking. The truth was we did not know what would happen and the unknown is always disturbing. I just thought you might be interested in this.  Sometimes it is good to take a look back.

Grumpy Retirees: Harvard Reports Happiness Wins 3 to 1  (Retire In Style Blog 9/29/11)

Look around the room when a group of your friends are gathered together.  Would you say that out of 10 friends at least 7.5 of them are happy with their retirement?  Do those 7.5 get up in the morning  full of ideas and make every day a good one?  And what about the rest; do they act like grumpy old people?  

A poll done done by NPR in collaboration with the Robert Woods Johnson Foundation and Harvard School of Public Health, revealed that 1 in 4 retirees find that retirement is not as good as they expected. 

This poll was conducted in order to capture first-hand the perspective of those
who will shape the nature of retirement moving forward: people over age 50, including not only people who have retired, but also people who plan to retire (“pre-retirees”) and those who do not plan to do so. 

In an article published by the Harvard School of Public Health summarizing the poll they stated:

"Findings show that a large majority of retirees say life in retirement is the same (44%) or better (29%) than it was during the five years before they retired. Many retirees say their stress is less, their relationships with loved ones are better, their diet is improved and the amount of time they spend doing favorite activities is increased—yet 25 percent of retirees say life is worse."(Poll: Retirement and Health Summary. NPR, Robert Woods Johnson Foundation and Harvard School of Public Health)

There are two ways of looking at this--three are happy and that is good. But why are 25% of retirees unhappy with their lives?

In an article published on Blog Critics yesterday the possibility that  25% were unhappy before they retired was sited as a possibility.  I just wonder if that might not be true.  Not everyone gets up in good spirits.  They probably are not morning people.

But the poll revealed a lot more than just the "happy issue".  In my mind it raised the question about the mind set of those people over 50.  It seems that they do not think that the retirement they had dreamed about was going to happen as soon as they had hoped and some even thought it would never happen.  Issues with health care and affordable insurance and monthly income have them worried.  And 25% of those already retired are discontented in one way or another.

I can only compare this attitude to the one that people take when selling their house in this market.  They cannot get past the value of their house now as compared to what it was worth 4-5 years ago.  I hear them saying "I am not going to come down that much...I am so far down from where I was I just can't see that MY house is worth that little."  They cannot face the reality of our recession economy.  

Retirement is not the end of the journey. It is just a cross roads. You can turn this way or that depending on the choices you make.  Asking yourself if you are happy doing what you are doing is only smart no matter the economy.  But in the end the retiree will be the one deciding what to make of the years to come.  For those of us that were raised by depression parents, the image of parents working to live and enjoying life in simple ways, the answer is very clear.  We know that money is not the answer to happiness.  The financial part is a matter of making do with what you have.  But happiness happens inside your mind.  They are probably not related as much as we think. 

In an article published by Bob Lowery on his blog called Satisfying Retirement, he talked about living on less--a lot less.  Bob knows what he is talking about because he has done it for many years.  He teaches retirees how to live on less.  People give up cars, pay off the mortgage by downsizing and carry no credit card debt.  Coupons and online shopping help cut the cost for necessities and make the non-essentials more affordable.  He touts living off the grid with no cable TV.  The list goes on and on.  He thinks life is good and he quoted one person as saying, "I have less money than when I worked but I enjoy my life even more."

So could it be that some people over 50 are grumpy and full of gloom and doom because they are now and have always been dissatisfied with what they have?  Have they been yearning for the grass on the other side of the fence?  Couldn't it be that their lives are actually wonderful in so many ways and they just can't see the good side of it all?  But most importantly what would it take to keep that 25% happy?  Maybe there would never be enough.  It is just a thought. 

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FYI:  I do realize that poverty and life circumstances can make life simply unbearable for many people.  It is my belief that we cannot abandon humans that have run into situations beyond their control.  It is people like me with adequate income and good health that I speak to.  

Thank you for reading.

A similar article: Article first published as Poll Shows Many Retirees Happy, But What About the Rest? on Blogcritics.

Related articles

• Poll: Seniors Disappointed By Golden Years (npr.org)
• How to Retire...Live on LESS Than You Have (retireinstyleblog.com)
• Just a Few Good Reasons to Retire by Erik Braunitzer (retireinstyleblog.com)
• Good News...life on Venus is wonderful! 50 is the new 40! (retireinstyleblog.com)
• Cell Phones...a luxury or necessity! (retireinstyleblog.com)

#Technology for Fitness in 2013: The Biggest Loser and my Fitbit

I love it when technology can be used to get me up and moving instead of sitting in front of the computer or sitting with my iPad in my lap. Moving is good...sitting is bad! A new pattern for my life comes a result of a Christmas dinner discussion and dare. Who can become the healthiest during the next six months? Would you believe I raised my hand and said ME! Don't let it be said that I shrink from a dare. My family sees to that.

So we have all bought into a "Biggest Loser" family contest. Each adult will put in $50 and each younger adult $25.  At the end the biggest loser will win over $400. That is a big incentive for us all.

Available on Amazon here"
Limited Edition Doernbecher Nike+ FuelBand

Starting in a hole
Our children and their spouses already participate in a weight control programs of different kinds. Either Weight Watchers or a device that tracks activity is a part of their lifestyle. My husband and I have always been active but have never kept track like our children have. This year we are starting in a hole but here is what we are all doing:

Available at Amazon here:
 Sportline 1060 Unisex Duo Speed and Distance Heart Rate Monitor

• I own a Fitbit and use it to track fitness.
• My husband wears a Sportline watch that tracks steps, miles, and heart rate. 
• My son went on the FitBit regimen last summer and lost 15+ lbs. along with a huge amount of cholesterol points and a heart murmur that has plagued him since childhood. 
• His wife has done the same thing and is breathing better, has lost a lot of weight and is looking great.
• My daughter ran 12 half marathons last year. Her running friends have challenged each other to run a half marathon each week tracking the distance for their routine runs. 
• Her husband attends Weight Watchers meetings. 
• My youngest son attends Weight Watchers and now has the Nike Fuel Band.
• One grandson will be joining the Marines in March.
• Another granddaughter is on her high school dance team and will practice for up to 5 hours on weekends and some during the week.

Available here on Amazon for $99 here:
Fitbit One Wireless Activity Plus Sleep Tracker, Black 

Here we go.
Now you can see why my husband I are inspired to take on the challenge too. So that is where my Fitbit comes into play. This little device allows me to track sleep patterns, number of steps and distance walked along with calories burned and connects to my computer wirelessly. I can go to the online website and record food choices and measure how much I have eaten in comparison to how much I have exercises.

We all weighed in together and took pictures so we can see if there is an improvement. We are weighing in each month and using a Google form to stay connected. Those of us that have the Fitbit can also connect online, watch our progress and encourage each other.

Join in the fun.Join the "Biggest Loser" challenge too. Just record your weight the same day each month wearing approximate the same clothing. Walk really fast someplace everyday...even to the corner is better than no place at all. It really is fun to have a goal. Get a couple of friends to join you. I dare you!

Screen Shot of Fitbit online link!

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take a look at this: You can't cure obesity with bigger pants!

An invitation to link: 5 Small Things To Do...Everyday

There are things that I think we should do everyday...not big things but small things, doable, and real.  Why? Because big elephants need to be eaten one bite at a time. When we look at the whole, we become discouraged and stuck. Think about these small things. This is an invitation to link to this post in the comments with your blog post about your 5 things:

1. Savor waking up every morning.  Have you ever thought about the miracle of sleeping and waking every day of your life?  It is one of the most amazing things. Begin each day slowly, savoring the joy of being awake to greet the day.
2. Walk fast for a little distance. Time is no problem because a short distance can take a matter of seconds. Who knows, if you begin with a very short fast walk, you may find yourself walking fast for a little longer each day. Don't pay attention to how long or far...just walk until you are done and then be done!
3. Smile at someone. Is there a scientific reason we should smile?  I don't know nor do I care. I just know that it is something we need to do everyday. The more the better.
4. Be a little grateful.  Not to much because I do know that too much forced gratitude will dilute the quality of your thoughts.  Focus.
5. Make yourself shine...the very old saw cleanliness is next to godliness may be true. Take the time to wash and brush and reflect on the wonder of the vessel given to you that you may live another day.

Thoughts on my 5 things:

My Garden and Sanctuary

• Savoring Morning sets the tone for the whole day, each and every day. I personally make myself sit up and hold a cup of hot liquid in my hand, sipping myself awake each and everyday. It is not a task to do or a time for prayer. It is savoring the time of day. I am more creative, happier and rested when I start the day. When I was working I would do this each morning for just ten minutes. By the time I climbed out of my bed I was ready to face the day with joy.
• Walking Exercise is important. We all know that BUT when it becomes onerous and time consuming, it weighs on our minds and soul. But a short fast walk? We can all do that everyday. Exercise is like a good book in that we need to start at the beginning to appreciate and love it.
• Smiling Human contact is one of those things we need to remain alive. When denied human love, babies actually die. Talking care of basic human needs will not keep them alive.  Smile at a human, talk to a human, be alive.
• Gratitude The reason I think that a the focus for our gratitude is important has come to me over a long period of time. Have you noticed that when you say "thank you" to a friend for a kind deed, the thank you is more meaningful the first time than after you have said it 10 times?  Gratitude is like that.  One or two thoughts of gratitude are enough for one day...at least for me. Then I try to focus on those thoughts.
• Cleanliness...it can help Clean teeth actually helps your mental functioning. Frequent hand washing keeps disease away and so on. I want to add to that list. I think that people that live long value their life and the body they are given. Beyond breathing and eating which are not choices in our daily life, up lifting daily habits result in a quality life. (Information from 17 Day Plan to Stop Aging (review here), Dr. Mike Moreno)

What are your 5 things?  I would love have you think about it and write a post.  I invite you to leave a link in a comment.

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Note: The 17 Day Plan to Stop Aging (available on Amazon)

I reviewed this book on Blog Critics recently. The book is jam packed with so much information. The book reinforced the daily habits listed above. I received the book as a gift from Free Press

There is a blog called 5 Things to do Today. I should give credit where credit is due...the writer of 5 Things to do Today inspired me!

Interesting pdf file (put text in Google search):  (Spirituality and health:  What we know, what we need to know Linda K George; David B Larsons; Harold G Koeing; Michael E McCullough
Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology; Spring 2000; 19, 1; Psychology Module)

'Old Girl' Talk...Wild Hair in Unexpected Places

I was reading Boomington Express this morning. Wild hair was the subject of interest today. I am not good at "girl talk" so a lot of this information surprises me. I was almost 65 before I realized that I could have something done to my nails, apply a little make-up and fix my hair so I would look and, consequently, feel better about myself.

We women  50-115 fight the fact that our skin, hair, and youth attitude is not what it used to be. I am here to tell you that all is not lost. We can make ourselves look wonderful good in spite of it all.  But here is the deal...you had better be willing to suffer some pain if you want to deal with a lot of these things! There is a cost for everything.

My hair has been a sore point since I first discovered a gray hair. I pulled them out at one time. It occurred to me that bald was not good either. That was the beginning of my dependence on hair color.  To this day I still put "hair color" stuff on my hair to improve the texture. Just don't like wild dead looking hair. It is so unfair that my hair would look dead before I am, dead that is. Darn.

Even our babies like to be beautiful..check out this pose!
Fresh Look Photography, Portland Or

Then there is that other wild hair...the stuff that grows on my face. Just yesterday I decided that, in addition to having my eyebrow waxed, I would ask the woman to wax all that facial hair on the sides of my face that made me look blurred. The outline of my face had disappeared in a forest of white downy fuzz. I was accustomed to the eyebrow pain so I didn't think this procedure all the way through. I did not know it would hurt that much! She applied a huge swath of very hot wax to the whole right side of my face, applied the cloth and yanked like a man. The hair hairs, a lot of hairs, did not come out willingly. I can truthfully say this is the first time I have screamed really loud in pain at the spa. Then, like an idiot, I let her do the other side. I will be drinking something very strong before I go have it done again. When the saying "no pain no gain" was first coined, some woman was screaming as hair was being yanked from her body in a spa somewhere...really!

Now I am seeing the threading technique being done by vendors at the mall. You know, that is the procedure where they yank each hair out individually using a thread spinning and pulling. I just cannot decided whether I want to have a little pain for a longtime or a lot of pain for a few seconds. But, let me tell you, I will be doing one or the other...I did mention I was an idiot didn't I? I cannot help it. Vanity comes to call whether I want it to or not.

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Related articles

• In pursuit of youth: Does the back of your head match your face? (retireinstyleblog.com)
• I may end up being a bag lady! Note:  Blog rot has set in on this old blog post but I still think you might enjoy it. (itcrossedmymind.com)