Aging: Are They Afraid They Will Look Like You?

I read a blog called Pearl, Why You Little... The author makes me laugh and I am all about a good laugh. In an article she posted today called Well I Can See I'm Going to Take Back a Lot of What I've Said she talked about making fun of people when she was young. As a young girl she and her friends would lay on a beach towel and whisper about people that were old or fat or suffering from extreme cellulite of the bottom. Now as she is getting older she said this about her body as she tried to remain positive:

Me, I am pleased to report that my ankles continue to be identifiable as separate from my calves and that I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

No swimming suit here!

She was writing tongue-in-cheek and I liked the article a lot. But I couldn't help thinking that there was dark side to that story. More of us were guilty of being smug when we were young than we would ever care to admit. I have been guilty of being derisive of the outward appearance of aging. Why would I do that? Now that the day has come that I am the older person laying on the beach towel I am aware that a younger person might not be thrilled to think that my body is the one they will have someday.

Then it occurred to me that Pearl had hit on a primal emotion....fear! See, while we don't want to be unattractive we all know that there are things that we just cannot control. We are afraid of what we ridicule. It is as simple as that.

I belonged to a website called Fab Over Fifty for a period of time a couple of years ago. It was all about fashion and makeup and how not to look ones age. The editor would post a picture of some hapless person with their face blocked out and ask subscribers to say what they thought about the style or body shape or whatever of the person. 

The owner of the blog even wrote an article telling how she planned on never getting old because she went to pilates and stayed out of the sun. The article included pictures of ugly (?) old people with warts and wrinkles. I was not only appalled...I was in fact a little offended. I could only wonder if people that were middle aged would be afraid for their future when they ran into me in the mall. I don't participate that website anymore.

There is a lesson to be learned here but I am not sure what it is. Fear is a hard thing to overcome. Of course we don't want to be ugly or scarred...why would we? On the other hand, a little fear and stress are motivators to make us more aware of what we might avoid thinking about. 

Maybe the lesson is that we should be grateful for what we do possess and nonjudgmental of what we see in others. After all, the old saying goes "Judge not. There, but for the grace of God, go I". It does take a great depth of character to see the beauty inside other people and I for one would like to arrive at that place one day soon. 

It is just a thought!

Book by Pearl Vork-Zambory 

owner of blog Pearl, Why You Little....

MSNBC on 5 keys to happiness!

Amaze
Frail
Sacred

Is this what it feels like to be old?  My daughter-in-law asked the question...not of us but of the universe in general.  She is the mother of a new baby plus 4 other children,in her middle thirties, and a professional.  She is not old...she is just a busy woman doing a lot every day.

As for feeling old...I can't say what that feels like.  Everyone needs to answer that question if they feel they must.  This morning msnbc.msn.com posted an article about happiness and how you find it for yourself.  We all know that happiness is a frail emotion that can be crumpled with the raise of an eyebrow.  But it can be invoked MSNBC says. How?  Information from MSNBC "5 things that make you happier":

• Be grateful. Cicero said Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.  I think he could have added It is the key to wellness and happiness.
• Be optimistic.  "...visualize an ideal future...and describe the image in a journal entry."
• Count your blessings.  "People who practice writing down three good things that have happened to them every week show significant boosts in happiness, studies have found."
• Use your strengths.  Have a good sense of humor?  Learn a new joke!  Remember if it makes you laugh that is good enough...nothing is sacred!
• Commit acts of kindness. "It turns out helping others also helps ourselves." 

Consciously doing these things are effective ways to find true happiness in your life...lighten your burden, your attitude, your pain...it truly is simple.  At least I have found it to be so in my life.  You might give it a try.

b

When One of Us is Ill, Both of Us Are in Danger! Senior Citizens

or Spouses Mirror Each Other Health.

Are retired women more knowledgeable than retired men when it comes to everyday health issues?  Because I am a retired woman living 6 month of the year in a 55+ RV resort and am in close contact with retired men, I think I have the answer.  But let me give you some facts first.

Every woman's magazine, be it Glamour or More, has an article on health issues.  For example, the latest More (a magazine for women of style and substance, i.e. older women) magazine has a lengthy article on hearing loss and Glamour has a whole section called health and fitness.  The hits you will get for health articles in women's magazines using a google search will come up at more than 9,000,000...yes that is right.  On the other hand when I changed the word women's to men's the google hits fell to 800,000.  When I looked at men's magazines alone they were 80,000,000 hits.  It was 90,000,000 for women.  The ratio just didn't line up.

The fact that women are, it seems to me, more obsessed with health, weight gain, and the look of their body may account for this.  But that is not what I am asking.  The question was "are woman more knowledgeable?"  I have listened to women talk about health issues and I have listened to men.  The women are quick to give answers but are kind of bored with the whole subject.  What they will talk about though, is their husband's reluctance to take their advice, go to a doctor or even eat and drink smartly!  Men on the other hand are blown away when they discover that dark green leafy vegetables are good for them and that they may have a health issue if their stool is black!  It is all so new to them.  They just do not know!  They are so fascinated with their new knowledge their gathering can be dominated by "organ recitals".  Sigh!

Now the question is what difference does it make...that is why we have doctors and yearly exams, right?  Well, here is a thought...if my husbands has symptoms and I know something is really wrong,  I will call the doctor and make an appointment using my strength to overcome his resistance.  Unlike many women I do take some responsibility for my husband's health and he for mine.  Why?  My best answer is that my vision of how his health effects mine and vice versa is very clear to me.  What makes him ill will change my life forever one day if my health does not change his first.

I truly believe that when one of us is ill, both of us are in danger.  If your spouse doesn't understand this, you need to work on his/her awareness.  Think about it.

b

Don't make me come out there, Children!!! ...how to make your olders parents feel young!

 Maxine at her best!!!

LESSON FOR THE DAY...hang out with people that make you look good.  :})

I bought a birthday card for a friend the other day.  He will be 76 years old.  Much, much older than me...well maybe not that much!!  Anyway the card has a picture of Maxine on the front and she is saying: 

The only way for me to look younger is to stand next to someone that looks worse than me.

(inside the card)

So get the hell away from me!

Happy Birthday!

Maxine always tells the truth, even if it hurts.  Truly, living young IS all about who you hang out with.  I am finding that I feel much younger when I snowbird the winters away in Arizona.  We live in a 55+ community and our park model is situated across the street from pickle ball courts and the tennis court.  We can see horse shoe throwing pits and bocci ball courts from our windows. 

If young people only realized how annoying their condescending attitude was, they would stop talking to us like we are two!  Thank heavens my children have to be reminded that we cannot climb mountains anymore.  They expect that my husband and I will be able to do anything.  That is the way we like it.  The trick is to ask us if we want to climb...then we can turn them down and say we are busy.  Where is the harm in that?  We are all happy!

My favorite saying is a quote by Phoebe Buffay of the TV show, Friends..."I would really like to do that but I don't want to."  It doesn't make a lot of sense (nothing Phoebe said made sense) but it has let me say NO hundreds of times and gotten a laugh to boot.

Just a Saturday rant.  Have a wonderful day.

b