Downsizing in Retirement? But where?

Downsizing was on everyone's mind. The stress people endure just because of a lifetime of clutter they have accumulated added to the retirement dilemma and limited income and you have the perfect reasons for wanting to live in something much smaller.

Park Model in RV Resort

Once the decision has been made to move the question is where? People as asking themselves Should we sell our house here in the north and buy something smaller for much less in a warmer climate? It has occurred to me that we might need to rethink what we are doing.

It is a temptation to sell here in Portland, Oregon, for example, because a person can buy something in the Southwest USA for less and have disposable income left over to have MORE fun right now. When the weather is warm in the winter that person will be at home while all those snow birds are living in small resorts. Sound about right doesn't it?

RV Resort Bocci Ball Tournament

Then summer comes...it gets very hot in the southwest in the summer. Those people want to do the snowbird thing in reverse and fly north to find some cooler weather. BUT, it is very expensive and there is really not that much available in the way of short term rentals for vacationing people. A hotel or motel is not affordable at all. Most people spend a very short period of time in the north. Better than nothing I suppose.

Snowbird Friends

It might be that downsizing to a smaller place in some location that is perfect in the summer would be smarter. When you came back north you would be at home and probably near your families and friends. The spend less on your winter location. The southwest is ripe for the picking when it comes to snowbird living. There is so much available at a reasonable price, especially in RV resorts. Even purchasing a small park model like we own is possible for less than $20,000. You will have a more fun than you ever imagined but not be tied to so much responsibility.

It is just a thought. Downsize at home in the north and snow birding small in the southwest has been our choice and I am so grateful that we have decided to do that. We live in a place that those coming north could not afford to visit for very long. Life is good!

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Note: I happen to think that Idaho has some of the best locations for downsizing. Check out McCall for your small home in the north. It is gorgeous.

 Summer

When You Visit Me in the Nursing Home....

This is another of those Just Shoot Me Now posts! I am feeling discouraged because of an article written by a Ronna Benjamin about a visit to her grandmother's nursing home. The article, There is Nothing Fun about the Nursing Home, appeared in the Huffington Post Post50 blog. It was an indictment of a nursing home facility that housed her grandmother. She told a story of darkness and hopelessness. It was not what I needed to hear today or on any day for that matter. The last two paragraphs in the article left me wanting to cry:

I leave after an hour, wondering why anyone would live in a nursing home if there were other options available. But unbelievably, with every marble intact, my grandmother in fact made that choice.

"Writing is never 'fun,'" E.B White is quoted as saying. I generally don't agree; in this encore career, I wouldn't do it if it weren't fun. But there is nothing fun about a nursing home, and there was not much fun in the writing about it either.

The story hit very close to home because am old.  I am 71 and my husband is 75. We are both active seniors with a beautiful life style. However, the reality is if we live long enough and are not killed by a run away golf cart or something, we too will spend some time in a nursing facility. It is a given. It is what we will want because we will not want our children to care for us at home...period. My mother, mother-in-law, both grandmothers and grandfathers did that very thing. My father died suddenly at 76 and was spared this final stage of his life.

They were  all part of the decision in as much as they could be and did not act like spoiled children when the day came. There was no talk of running away or going back to younger days. In fact, they each brought their share of joy and grace to their new home.  I have always been proud of their selfless behavior.

As a family, we have learned some hard lessons about nursing home care and what can go wrong. We have also learned about the good things and the good people that will work with the very elderly. Even though I did not know what to do about the bad when it was my turn to take charge, I did learn to take action and make sure that those under my watch were cared for with as much love as possible. I got up off my bottom when things went wrong and found someone that could make some changes. I worked right along side the care givers to make things as good as they could possibly be. It was a labor of love.

Facing the facts is hard. Sometimes people need a lot of care and those of us that are not in a medical field and do not have homes designed for care giving cannot do the things necessary. Even those of us with the best of intention and motivation fail our family in that regard. As hard as it may be, many times there is no choices left.

Then there is the fact that society views nursing home and their residents today with the attitude that people had in the past about people with disabilities, mental handicaps or even physical disfigurement. Those people were kept in a closed room out of polite society's view. Handicapped children did not go to school because the other children needed to be spared the very site of someone that was different.

This attitude is the one that people take toward those that are suffering from disabilities related to aging or even the wrinkles and moles that appear over time! What I have seen is that when there are no choices and the decision has been made, families with desert their loved ones. Younger people can't stomach a visit to the nursing facilities. If their loved one does not recognize them they don't see the need to visit and be watchful. Hence, the nursing home horror stories. It could be that when they see what they do not like, they can excuse themselves from going to visit as often is necessary.

In a perfect world, all care would be loving and gentle. Everyone would grow old and remain beautiful. No one would come to a place where they were unaware of what went on around them. People would have no aversion to spending time with family members that lived where they could be cared for. Church congregations would come to the nursing home and worship and families would share movie nights with their loved ones. Birthday parties in small eating areas for provided residents would happen frequently.  There would be no alarms or even a unsightly person in a wheel chair...in a perfect world.

But this life is not perfect and what an outsider may see as ugly an insider over looks or even becomes blind to over time.

Bring me flowers....

You need to get over it please. Never mind how your grandmother or mother looks or how the lady in the next room behaves. They are still beautiful inside.

When I am very old and need to be cared for,  please come to visit. When you come to visit me, bring a book or some needle work or a small project of some kind. Wash my face and put lotion on my hands. Open the curtains and bring flowers or treats for everyone. Eat with me and don't act shocked when I spill. Go find the coffee pot and bring me a cup. Sit beside me and work or read. Just be with me as though we were at home. Provide a TV for me or bring your laptop computer with an old movie we can share or an old familiar song. Bring me magazines with lots of pictures. In fact, bring magazines for everyone and let me share them. Do what brings you joy and I will love it too...even if I cannot let you know. Hold my hand and hug me.

Be proactive for other residents and not just me. While nursing home supervisors will want things to be good, I will know they cannot  watch everyone.  Jump to your feet when an alarm goes off in the neighboring room and be standing beside it when the aid gets there to turn it off.  If a summons for help is not answered, go find someone to help.  Do those things that are not getting done...pick up things, clean just a little, strip my soiled bed. Become a partner with the facility in the care for me. It could be that employees will understand that you are a part of their community too and you want for them to succeed. I will become special in their eyes because of what you do. Isn't that a good thing? Besides, that is what I will want you to do.

I will be sorry I cannot bring you joy like I did all those years ago...I know that will be hard. Try to find a place in your heart for me. What you think as you sit beside me will be revealed in your eyes and I will know how you feel. I think you will need to bring the joy with you. I hope you won't mind. And I will need your acceptance more than you know.

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Note: Talk to the nursing home superviser if things are not what they should be. Find out what can be done. Contact the ombudsman in your state if the nursing facility is simply horrible and move your family member if things don't measure up. Be a part of a solution.

Note: First published in 2013 but nothing has changed!

Generation Fabulous: Being 50 Was Different Back Then!

Proudly Blogging and connecting

 at Generation Fabulous

Generation Fabulous is all about women connecting after the age of 50.  If you are a woman blogger that has outgrown the "mommy blogger" stage, you will understand me when I say it is very difficult to connect with women of your own age. GenFab is where I go to find out what other women of a certain age are thinking and doing.

I am a part of this group because I can relate to what these women have to say. The multi-generational aspect appeals to me. I think we all need to hear different voices to understand the world we live in today.

Today I saw a link to co-founder Chloe Jeffrey's Generation Fabulous TV show, Coffee With Chloe. It appears on YouTube. The broadcast featured an interview with Lisa Endlich Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington from Grown and Flown. Grown and Flown is a successful blog that has been featured in the New York Times and on Huffington Post. Jeffreys interviewed the authors  about their life experiences when their children were growing up and leaving the nest. I thought the two women were realistic and honest in their responses.

How Things Have Changed
The women talked about the conversations they have with their adult children and how close they are to them. They didn't think that they had that adult to adult relationship with their parents. They hint that they modeled that type of exchange with their children and are enjoying the rewards as those children grow into adulthood.  I would like to think my family is very much the same but who knows.

However, when it came to discussing subjects like sex or dating, we're are not the same. I suppose I wasn't a good sounding board when it came to dating/sex or even digestion. My children were born in the 60s and 70s. I was a child of the 50s so my children saw a whole different world in the movies and on TV.  Their children are more open with their parents about dating and even sex. According the Heffernan and Harrington this is what a lot of parents experience.

Children leave and come back home after college. It is a matter of economics and job availability. About 7 years ago the jobs went away and necessity forced a change in the way the family functioned to support adult children. Our children were very lucky. My older children were expected to graduate from college and move out into the world and they did.  It was hard for them but they found a way. My youngest son struggled for a little while.

I really enjoyed listening to this interview. It made me realize that even those we have a lot in common we are from different generations and our perspective is somewhat different. It just made sense and Chloe Jeffreys is very good at conducting an interview. 

So thank you again to Generation Fabulous. This was a good one.

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FYI:  Generation Fabulous is for bloggers of a certain age looking for support, encouragement, information, blogging tips, and community.

Related articles

• Pam Lutrell is Over 50 and Feeling FABULOUS!
• Featured Bloggers: Grown and Flown

Grandparents: HOW TO TALK TO LITTLE GIRLS

"The Combing of Granddaughter" - "Το Κτένισμα της Εγγονής" (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There they are all wrapped in sunshine and strawberries...those beautiful granddaughters running into our open arms. You can't help it, they are just sweet and pretty so we keep telling them so. You look so beautiful today...I love to look at you! We are only speaking what comes to our mind because we adore them. But, should we be doing that?

Or, could it be that we are sending a message that, as girls, that is why we love them...because they are pretty? Are they hearing words that will affect the way they see themselves for the rest of their lives?

In an article written for the Huffington Post back in 2011, Lisa Bloom had some pretty convincing arguments for changing the way we talk to our grandchildren. Her article had this to say:

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. 

The message girls get may lead them to behavior that not only "dumbies down" their personalities but also could be dangerous. I don't know about you but I don't think that a child should be worrying about their weight or looks before they can do the multiplication tables or even read.

She went on to say:

Try this the next time you meet a little girl.... Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers.

It may have been my daughter-in-law that pointed this article out but I am not sure. I am grateful for the heads up. My granddaughters are beautiful but that is not what is interesting about them.  I, for one, am going to change how my conversation starts with them.  And trust me, their clothes or hair will not come up in the conversation. We will talk about the most fun they have had lately, maybe simply what they know or even who their friends are. I really don't want any of my granddaughters to grow up with the belief that being hot is more important the being interesting...not because of something I said!

It is just a thought!

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Lisa Blooms's How to Talk to Girls

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• After hardship and trials: assault, bullying, violence Grandmother asks... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"

Huffington Post Thoughts: When Does the Parent's Checkbook Voucher Expire?

Huffington Post Article:  Help!  My Partner is Giving Our Life Savings Away...

So at what age do your children outgrow the need for financial help? It may be older than you think. Recent research indicates that a whopping 93 percent of Americans who are a part of the baby boomer generation have provided some sort of financial help to their grown Gen X or Gen Y children.

This is just to make you think.  When does the Parent's Check Book Voucher expire?  Are parents forever the go to people when things get tough?  Would things even get tough if there was no parental open checkbook...do children get in a financial bind because they know the parents will help them out?  You tell me.

Barbara

Which is better for Grandparents? How-to books or a sense of humor!

Baby Shay at 7 days old!

This is the last one!  As grandchildren go, she is just about the best last grandchild any grandmother could ever ask for.  She is relaxed, cute cuddly and 9 days old.  What could there possible be to worry about?  I can't think of one thing and I am not going to tempt the fates by reading any advice columns or books.  I may just shut myself in the house and not even talk to anyone.  It turns out that everyone book has a horror story and all grandparents are so proud of their offspring's offspring that I can never top their stories. I don't like advise books and other people's grandchildren if they are better than mine.  No, I am thinking about becoming a recluse!

I was reading a blog post from the Huffington Post today called New Grandparenting Books Offer Advice From Two Perspectives by Dr. Georgia Witkin's.  The blog author, Karin Kasdin, talked about how little time she had , how little patience she had with the how-to books and how she just didn't want to follow anyone's advice.  She likened the book to the daily news.  Every broadcast begins by wishing you a good evening and then proceeds to tell you why it's not.  I am with her.  I cannot even figure out why anyone would write such a book...all I have been doing for 20 years is what my children wanted me to do.  They are the responsible ones and I am the one that plays, makes cookies and giggles when my grandchildren poke me with their toes when we try to take a nap (which I need more than they do obviously.)

The only advice book I have looked at about being a good grandparent is the one written by Bryna Paston called How to Be the Perfect Grandma.  (I know, I have talked about this before.) Actually it is not so much a book full of advice as it is about the comedy of errors...she makes me laugh. Her advice is tongue in cheek but still lingers very near the truth.  For example, she advises that if things don't go right and the child gets a boo boo while you were perhaps taking a peek at your email, don't tell the truth. Blame it on the cat.  Lie a little.  If you tell the truth you will be sent directly to Grandmother prison and your children will whisper behind you back at family dinners.  Most boo boos cannot be seen anyway and a bandage is all that is needed in most cases.  In Paston's words "Never, ever, ever let anything bad happen to the kids on your watch.  If it does lie!"  Don't question her advice...just follow it.

So now I am grandmother to 12.  Our new granddaughter is a wonderful little soul.  Shay is what we call her.  Her brothers are  loving her so much but craving the attention of anyone that admires their baby sister.  It works for me.  They are spending time at my house drawing and making a mess.  The 4 years old drew his first picture of himself for me today and his little 2 year old brother wants to do the same.  Before long they will be telling me about the "pee hole in their underwear" and playing tricks on the kids at daycare...the same tricks their grandfather taught them.  They may even be sent home for playing grandpa's tricks.  We will laugh, not admit it is our fault and enjoy as many years as we can with these last grandchildren.

So given my choice I would have to say that having a sense of humor is by far the better than reading some psychiatrists serious humorless advice on grandparents and child rearing.  Laughter is the best medicine.  Please, just pay attention.  Your children, the parents of the children, will tell you how to do it.  Trust me!  I know!

Have a wonderful day.  And don't tell the truth unless someone has broken the law.  It just hurts people's feelings or gets you in trouble and why would we want do that?

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Friday for Seniors: What's Hot on the Internet Today!

Please click the follow button above...I need your help!

Our Obsession with Self Diagnosis from the Huffington Post or DON'T BE ANNOYING!
Too much information?  It seems that we do a little more surfing to find a diagnosis for our ails than we should...or at least that is what our doctors think. It made me stop and ask myself...Self, do I need to go to the doctor first and then do the research? I heard a voice in my head saying...NO!!! I need to be informed.  In a article in the Huffington Post a Dr. Pamela Peeke said:

These Internet interludes result in what I refer to as the "Internet Printout Under the Arm" sign. As soon as we enter the consultation room, the patient will whip that wad of wisdom out from their armpit, and then there are three of us in the room -- the patient, the physician and the Internet.

It seems to me that it is a matter of good manners. Doctors are smart and well educated. We will never know as much as they do no matter how much we surf the internet. There is a difference between telling the doctor the diagnosis before they can speak and listening to our doctors while having an intelligent conversation about the problem. We need our doctors so we should not be annoying! Wouldn't you agree?


Leaving Email Behind
I am not so sure that this is as web related as it could be. Still I think it is worth noting...especially if you are a parent that uses email to connect with their children. My friend and I were talking about a miscommunication she had with her son.  It seems he was giving a party. She had sent an email offering her help and he had not read it! Does that sound familiar?  Well, this is what I have discovered. Young people ( ages 10-60) to not read their email...they have gone beyond the email and moved on to text messaging with their cell phones.  She looked at me in surprise when I gave her this news. To think that just a little while ago we were bemoaning the loss of snail mail and soon we will be longing for a simple email!


For seniors slow to embrace the technology age this is not good news. Being left behind, left out, out of touch is not a good thing. So listen up people!


The latest fad on the cell phone app scene (at least for me) is FourSquare. This app allows you to check in at a location and your friends/family will be able to see what you are up to...no text, no email, no twitter...just FourSquare!


There are several apps I use a lot. My maps app serves as our GPS in the car. I also love a Cook's Illustrated  app.  I used my free membership day last week at the grocery and it was wonderful. My recipe, shopping list and instructions were in my phone! What a deal.


RATS AND AGING
Found in the news:

The researchers from McMaster University in Hamilton, Ont. worked with a litter of mice that were genetically programmed to age quickly. They then had a select group of mice involved in repeated physical activity, like running on a wheel.

After five months, the mice who exercised not only looked younger, their internal organs were also healthier.

I was just saying!!!
Have a wonderful day!
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Related articles

• Physicians warn of perils of self-diagnosing from Internet (ctv.ca)
• Endurance Exercise Thwarts Premature Aging in Mice (nlm.nih.gov)