Moving on!!!

Great-granddaughter, Annie and Moose + Me in Oregon

Late last spring it occurred to me that I was not having as fun in Tucson as I wanted. Seriously, days were long and lonely. Even though I filled my days with my yard and visited with neighbors, and went to classes at OLLIE (Osher Lifelong Learning Institute University of Arizona) it seemed that entertaining myself was an exercise in futility. There was a gaping hole in my life.

My oldest son had offered to buy the Arizona home. The timing seemed perfect for a move. A life-changing move is a big thing, but it just felt right to move back home to Oregon. My life here in Oregon had always been the real one. 

That was last May. I have been here in my Oregon house since then. But the final thing was left to be done. I had not changed my mail back to here in Hillsboro. Today was the day. I am officially here "permanently".

My house will be sold in a couple of weeks. It is exciting....yet I feel responsible for it still. My son and daughter-in-law were here this morning. He had been in Tucson yesterday and said the weeds were growing, and I felt a responsibility to get them cleaned up. My neighbors depend on me to keep the place looking good. Sigh!

Letting go may be harder than I thought. We will see.

Have any big changes come to your life?

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20 Awkward Steps to Our Happy Retirement or There Was Not a Guidebook

I first published this article back in June of 2014. A lot has changed.

• Two grandchildren are married and we have 2 great-grandchildren (both girls). 
• The cat disappeared on Halloween one year and we are not getting another. 
• We sold our park model in Tucson and moved into a townhouse last fall. 
• We bought a dream car...Mini Cooper is now in the Oregon house garage.
• We have two cars again and fly to Arizona in the fall and back to Oregon in the spring.
• We both still golf with friends and we joined a club in Tucson that we love. 
• I still blog but not as much as I did. My husband gets a little more of my attention. He had his 80 birthday last winter.  

The message is the same...change has kept us mentally young and healthy. Life is good!

Arizona Townhouse

Hillsboro Home

Remember that very first child...the one they let you take home without a guidebook or a test drive? Retirement is a bit like that. One day they just say "Good bye, good luck and let us know how that works out for you." It is probably one of the most challenging things you will ever do. Even enough money does not make it any easier.

Don't get me wrong, I love being retired but it has taken my husband and I 17 years to find smooth sailing. In that period of time we have invented and reinvented our lives so many times I have lost count. We love the adventure and I suppose that is why we have found ourselves changing direction so many times. If you just want to stay where you are and do what you have done all of your lives, it may be easier. I don't know how to talk about that. (Leave a comment to let me know.)

It seems to me the thing that has given us so much joy is the fact that we have never ever thought we had arrived at our "forever" place. We are a lot closer now but even so, we keep our options open. Here are the things we have done or considered doing:

1. We moved from rural Eastern Oregon to Portland a year after my husband and I retired. 
2. We bought a 4 bedroom home because we didn't know how to live in a smaller space.
3. We joined a country club and learned to play golf a little better. 
4. We moved from the 4 bedroom house with a big yard to a 2 bedroom condo with no yard and our youngest son moved back home.
5. I took up multi-media art and spend several years immersed in that form of creative projects.
6. We bought an RV and began to travel. Our youngest son took care of the condo and the cat.
7. Our youngest son married.
8. We made plans to sell our Oregon home and moving to the Southwest. The only thing that stopped us was the recession.
9. My husband and I played golf together when we traveled.
10. My husband found a mens group to golf with and I began spending more time at home.
11. I became the summer nanny for 2 of my grandchildren.
12. I began blogging and abandoned the art.
13. We traveled for 3 months to begin with and later stayed away for 4-5 months.
14. We sold and bought several RVs.
15. We bought a park model in Tucson and moved into it for the winters. The RV was gone forever (maybe).
16. We sold that park model and moved to a better location in the same RV resort.
17. We moved from our condo in Oregon into a 55+ community near our daughter. We had a yard again.
18. We became a one car family.
19. We plan to fly back and forth to Arizona one year soon.
20. Now we stay 6 months in Oregon and 6 in Arizona. The cat travels with us.

We love the lifestyle we have now. My husband still golfs with the guys. Five of our 12 grandchildren are grown. One granddaughters will marry in September. I have a beautiful flower garden that gives me great joy. Blogging gives me an outlet and I still have a wonderful time doing artwork with my younger grandchildren.

Is there a guide book for any of this? I would never have dreamed that we would have changed our directions that many times. I don't think any book could have guided us through all those changes. I could write a great book that gave the reader a general idea of what they were in for but I could not lead them. One of the central issues in the retirement like mine is actually living full time with your spouse and finding a way to compromise your way through life. Compromise the the key. The "how" is entirely up to you.

I would be interested in having you add your thought about your retirement list in the comments. How is it working out for you?

Oh, and do stay tuned...it is not over yet!

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Living on the View

My new hat...a
nice change!

My husband and I rented a little house when we were first married and the view from every window was absolutely spectacular. My husband was still in college and I was working in a tiny town teaching 4th grade.

The old farm house had an oil stove and walls so thin that the slightest touch would put a hole in the wall paper. There were pine wood floors throughout and the kitchen was designed for a table large enough to feed a big family. It sat on a country gravel road. The river was a short walk away. We lived in the middle of an orchard.

In all ways it was the perfect "house". My mother absolutely loved it. She was sitting with us in the front yard under the giant tree drinking coffee one morning when she began talking about all those things that made the old house perfect...the view, the orchard, the river and of course, that big kitchen with room for lots of children.

That was when my quiet father said "But, Agnes, they cannot live on the view."

See the thing was, the place was perfect but I thought it was in the wrong place! I agreed with my father. I didn't think we could make a living so we could support our family. Yet, my husband who is not connected with places nearly as much as I am was willing to stay and make it work for us somehow. He could hunt and fish, coach football and teach. It was perfect for him.

I often wonder if my ambition was actually his too. Or were we so connected that what I wanted and what he wanted were somehow the same. Oh, and we did move to a bigger town and my husband worked in that school system for a majority of his working career.

I often wonder what our life would have been like if I had been more content with what we had and had not always been looking over the fence at the adventure around the corner.

The view from my back patio here in the RV Resort.

So life goes on. We are getting ready to move to a new location here in Tucson, Arizona. We have always lived the six months we spend here in a very temporary way. Our park model is very nice and I love it but our needs and wants have changed as we age.

We have found a different place in a town house located near walking trails and just across from the pool of the townhouse complex. It is just down-at-the-ears enough to suit us. What keeps us going is the projects and change.

We will keep our friends here in the park because we are not going that far. We will keep our golfing world because the new location is closer to that place. We will keep so many things.

But the view...well that will not be the same. Our beautiful mountains that we see from two sides will not be there. As we grow older, I keep remembering what my father said. He was so right...living on the view is not enough.

Have a wonderful day.

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Will You Make the Choice or Will It be Made For You?

We received a letter from our friends in Oregon with their Christmas letter attached. I always look forward to Beth's missive. Her family is very interesting and she is naturally very proud. Best of all she has a way of telling her story without appearing to brag. That my friends is a trick.

But what interested me the most about her words this year was the message about the positive side of change. See, her world is not perfect. I don't suppose that anyone's is. 

Christmas Party at local golf course.
My Tucson friends are a great source
of joy for me.

Change is the substance that keeps us alive and moving. Without it we would crumble in our chairs.

Aging is not a good time to decide to live in a "forever" house or dig in and refuse to do what is necessary to grease the wheels for ourselves and our families.

In the place where my husband and I live in the winter, change is expected and even inevitable. Even the structures we live in are not permanent in anyway and they symbolize what the future holds. It is the choices we make now that will ease the necessity to face change in the future.

Recently one of our residents moved into an assisted living facility nearby. She is keeping her car but will have meals provided. The apartment allows pets and that is a great comfort for her. She is moving freely without a child demanding that she do it. Oh my goodness, I hope that I have the grace and courage to do what she is doing. 

It is the knowing when the time is right that is so hard. Like a friends mother did, I also want to make that change before someone suggests it to me. (I do not like to be told what to do...that could be a problem!) 

So, to my friends Beth and her beautiful husband Lee I say thank you for sending us a letter with pictures that told about all the change in their family's lives. You are both an inspiration.

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Christmas Good News....no one is worried!

Arizona Christmas Table

Christmas Past (2012)

My Oregon Home

We are not going back to our home in Oregon this Christmas. It was a big decision for us because we miss our family. I personally don't want them to worry about me and I feel some hidden duty to supervise what is going on back there. Besides that we honestly have so much fun together. But if there are two things I learned this past year that are important to my family, they are:

1. I am not in charge. 
2. My family does not worry about my husband and I.

I know, it just doesn't seem possible that some of the things that I miss are the very things that caused me so much worry. It is strange. Really, worry is not a happy companion on my daily walks and that is what the need for control brought me. It took me a while to understand that a huge load had been lifted from my shoulders. Now I am very grateful for that piece of news. The realization that my children were not worried that we would be lost if we didn't come home left us free to enjoy what we were doing here in our winter home. I don't like for my children to be worried.

Being present at every family celebration really is a lot of fun. But after my husband and I retired, we began to travel and we have been at home less and less over the years. Christmas was the last special occasion we flew home to attend. So not going home is the breaking of a tradition in our lives.

How did we arrive at this place? Well, as with most benchmarks, the signs were all there. Our children all chose this year to make their children the priority. I actually liked the fact that they had arrived at a place where they were willing to branch out and become stand alone family units. It is a healthy thing for them.

But let there be no mistake...I will be urging my husband home for the holidays next year and we will be having a Christmas in the middle of the summer in 2014 too. We will all Skype on Christmas Day and we will open present together even though we are apart. Some things will never change...the love and ties we all have as a family will never go away. They all know I will always be in charge just a little bit.

Merry Christmas everyone...I love having you stop by so don't be a stranger!

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Blogging: Have you noticed the changes?

Many times things change so slowly that we barely notice. Weight gain, gray hairs, a small stoop or even lots of weeds in our garden can sneak up on us. Good things are like that too. In my world it is the small things that give me pleasure but sometimes I over look them.

Have you noticed that:

• there are more comments on this blog?
• that the link with google+ is allowed on my website now?
• I am talking less about retirement?
• guest posts are just getting better and better?
• my writing skills are improving?
• I have become a bit of an expert?
• it is time for a new blog header picture (fall is over...really)?





Summer Header Picture?

Comments
I was asked to write for a website called GenFab recently.  It is aimed at middle aged women and I may be the oldest in the original group but still...there I am. I loved that small change in my life that turned out to be a very big thing. It not only is very interesting but I am also gaining more comments and support from the fabulous women.  That give me pleasure.


Google+
The income I make on this blog is not very much but it has grown at a steady pace beginning with the day I understood what I had created here on the web. I didn't even notice until I took a look at the figures. That gives me a lot of pleasure.





Summer Header Picture?

New Subjects
The retirement subject is all worn out...not only by me but by the growth in "retirement" blogs since I began all those years ago. I don't write about the subject, at least not directly, anymore. I have reached a point where I don't see my lifestyle as a "retirement lifestyle". The third stage of my life is about a lot more than "not working". That was not a small change but one I made deliberately and I can't even remember the day I made that decision. It opened up a whole new world for me and that gives me pleasure.



Summer Header Picture?

Guest Post
The contact I receive from professional freelance writers and marketing people is a lot of fun. This part of my blogging life has evolved so slowly I have to make myself notice the change. I have built a tiny store front where people can post their work with a link do their business and pay me a fee.  I control who posts and what they post about. Their information is wonderful and is directly related to all those subjects I have posted about. That gives me pleasure.



Summer Header Picture?

Skills
Writing about things I find interesting gives me more pleasure than you can ever know. Learning new skill is a slow process but when I stop and become more aware I can see the metamorphosis. Being creative is a facet of my personality that I treasure.


Expert
I have noticed that friends come to me for help with their computer problems. I don't always have the answers but I love the contact. It is something we have in common and I have watched them grow in their skills. That gives the teacher in me a lot of pleasure.


Not Autumn Yet
Have you wondered why my blog header has remained stuck in the fall season? I have. This day might bring a change to my blogger header.  Season's change and, even though the header can be seen as symbolic of my stage in life, I am not ready to be all about autumn. I still have a lot of springs, summers and beautiful winters left in me. I love small changes still. That gives me pleasure.


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Note: I have not found the perfect picture for the header yet. After editing, cropping and jazzing up any one of these above would be great. You just have to use your imagination. What do you think? 

Life Style: On Rearranging the Furniture

~shopping but not buying...looking for a change~

Note:  Be sure to check out Gift Boomer.  You will find wonderful ways to shop on Amazon.  Simple is good.

Rearranging the furniture may be a symbol of  our life style. We like a change of scenery, a new restaurant and small changes that give us a fresh outlook on things. When we get bunchy or even cranky over things we do not control, small changes remind us that there is more than one way to look at things.

A friend and I were talking about our life here in our RV resort and how we came to the life style we live now. We talked about traveling in an RV, timeshare travel, visiting with family, buying and selling homes and finally the our park model and the 6 months we spend here in the desert.

When we talked about this 6 here/6 there life we are living now she said, "Oh, and that is when you decided that you wanted to do this forever!" My answer that we still have not decided what we want to do forever caught her of guard. I suppose it has been a surprise to me too. I did not imagine that this post-career part of my life would be filled with as much change as all the rest of my life. Even a life of no job or career has its ups and downs.

It has been pretty quiet here this week. That could be why I think I might rearrange the furniture. I need a change of perspective.

What do you do to give yourself a lift when you need a different way of looking at things?

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Did You Like It Better Back Then? 2011 Post

I wrote this article back in 2011. As we look back to that time, I realize that I am so much better off than I was then. For those of you that were caught in the storm of 2009 I wonder, have you adjusted or did things change enough that it didn't turn out as bad as you imagined it would?

I woke up thinking about the theory of evolution this morning. You know, that idea that things change for reasons we don't or won't understand. We all know that "retirement" is not what it was for a short period of time in the 20th century. Back then we believed the notion that "early retirement" was an attainable goal for everyone. 

Dreams of houses at the beach helped people in cold climates to get through the frigid winter and our nation was so prosperous we believed anyone could have one. We may not like it but those day are gone, maybe forever. So, do you like new ideas and concepts? It could be we had better get used to some new things. There is no escaping today and it's reality. Here is what I think.

Choices at the Crossroads

Life in retirement/old age might be morphing into something new and even wonderful. As with the bird that was born with two white feathers on the back of his head that looked like eyes was able to survive longer than those that did not get those feathers, those that are able to grow new ideas will survive and become even be stronger. Those that are not flexible or smart enough to make some changes in expectations and lifestyle, will not experience the full joy of their old age.

In the world of nature, the strong endure and the weak whine and die. Mankind and animals evolved because forces of nature require change in order for them to survive. It is a hard truth. Could it be that, given the forces in play now, the average American's expectations for old age will evolve? Will factors like economic climate and the expanded life expectancy force our citizens to change? Will it be like that time when man was old at 30 and something happened in nature or knowledge that allowed man to live to 40. The reality was humans had to work to live. There was no stopping at 30 even though that was the way their ancestors had done it. As we grow older we have to work longer.

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you view this time on this earth, we are living longer. We are finding ways to remain active and healthy much later in life. My grandparents were old at 70. They wore false teeth and lived a very small life. My grandfather worked until he was 72. Then he sat down and waited to die. They did not want much more when they quit working. As the aging process slows, we are finding that our desire to grow and reap rewards is not stopping at age 62 when we can begin to collect Social Security. It is said that age 50 is now the new 40. Maybe age 62 is now the new 52. And the new 72 will become the new 62 (when we begin collecting Social Security).

Now people are not done living when they retire. They want an enjoyable retirement full of adventure. They are faced with the possibility that the financial benefits are not going to be what they need to fulfill their dreams. If they continue to want a better or even equal lifestyle, they are going to have to continue working. The economic realities and extended life span have changed all the rules.

I had thought, "Just get over it!" It has been my feeling that people are too attached to their possessions and money. "Why" I kept thinking, "can't they just live on what they are making?"

 Am I wrong? Could it be that Americans have come to a crossroads? Are they willing to face the changes that are necessary as a result of living longer? 

There are many choices. Will they adjust to their longer life span in today's economy and see that being productive for an extended period of time is necessary if they are to have their dream retirement? Will they see the advantage of living life as they go along not waiting for a retirement that won't happen nearly as soon as they thought it would? Oh better yet, will they see that a simpler life can be happier than one filled with dissatisfaction? 

Just a thought.

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Related articles

•  7 Stages of Retirement Grief  Retire In Style Blog
• Grumpy Retirees? NPR/RWJF/Harvard Poll Reveal Happiness wins 3 to 1!! (retireinstyleblog.com)
• How to Retire...Live on LESS Than You Have (retireinstyleblog.com)
• How to carry the joy from your job into retirement? (retireinstyleblog.com)
• Just a Few Good Reasons to Retire by Erik Braunitzer (retireinstyleblog.com)

When to make a change...Style in the Bathtub!

I was just visiting my Facebook account when I noticed a question on the Apartment Therapy page from a woman that hated her bathtub.

Q: I own a 250 sq. ft. co-op on the Upper West Side in Manhattan. I'm looking into doing a bathroom renovation. I want to get rid of the tub and just have a shower, but I'm concerned about loosing value by doing so. Any thoughts on it from the community would be helpful. (Good Question from Apartment Therapy)

The the question made me think about all those things we have in our life that we don't like.  It seems we are frozen in our steps by our fear of change and the lost in value that we worry over.  Whether is it the bathtub or a cleaned out closet, we all need, we need to look at those choices weigh the benefits against the lost value.  Really those old clothes may have cost a lot many years ago and the tub may work just fine.  But doesn't a little personal pleasure count for something?


So how long do you wait before you rip that tub out and put something beautiful and stylish in it's place?  Do you keep what does not work for you because the "perceived value" of that room in the house might go down?  I could only think that, in that particular case, ordinary is always trumped by gorgeous.  If the ordinary tub is removed and the stylish new shower is tiled and blinged, the woman would be ahead of the game.  I would perceive the value as increased...but that is just me.


But I also wondered about the joy and fun of change.  Doesn't that count for something?  Doesn't your future comfort and enjoyment count for anything?


So this is the conclusion I have come to...change is good on so many levels we cannot even wrap our minds around the concept. As we age, the ability to make changes will keep our minds flexible and our outlook on life positive.   Style in the bathtub is a very good thing!

Should we AGE IN PLACE or Are There Other Choices?

Retirement Bliss!

When my husband and I moved into a condo with several flights of stairs 9 years ago, a friend asked me what we were going to do when we got old.  My goodness, I thought, this is not even my second to the last move.  I won't be aging in place.  Not on your life!

Aging in place is a phrase that is thrown around a lot these days.  Young people have the idea that their life and life of their parents will be simplified if they just widen doors and retrofit the sink, etc.  The children can come home to the house they were raised in for Thanksgiving and MOM/Dad will have the same bowl they ate out of when they were two.  I know that is what I thought when my mother was facing her eighties.  She asked about the possibility that she might need to move because she could not do the things necessary to maintain the house.  I remember being flip with her and talking about aging in place.  I regret that now.

But as time passed I changed my mind!  Communities are different now and older people are so isolated in a neighborhood where everyone works night and day.  I have come to the opinion that we are better off seeking a community that surrounds us with age mates and lots of activities.  Living is what we need to do...not age in place!  Even the blog called Aging in Place talked about the "context" of aging in place. There are no rules or directives.  We just need to remember that making the bathroom door wider is not enough.  Your parent is not going to be happy because they have a big bathroom door...your parent is living the last part of their and the life should be full and beautiful.  So, if that cannot happen in the house they have lived in for 40 years, then there needs to be a positive change.  If children do it right, the parent will be delighted.  It is all about the context of the suggestion. Here some things I have learned:

• Living with my age mates is a good thing.  I did not realize how much younger I felt around people my own age until we began spending our winters in a 55+ RV Resort here in Arizona.  I actually felt alive, interesting and even young...by comparison. I have learned about being active in my old age and I saw good examples for living a very long time.  
• Try it on first.  It could be that those of you that are debating about your next life choice could benefit from trying the lifestyle change your debating before you make the leap.  Cohousing, condo living, 55+ communities and even Retirement Housing may not be the life you are seeking. That is what we are doing now.  I have learned that resort living is lots of fun and I will seek something that mirrors the life I have here...but with a little more help!
• Take the lead.  I would like to have figured it out before my children have a chance to take over. If we are to get just what we want then we need to begin finding how and where we want to live.
• Transitional change?  As we age the stages of life are playing themselves out.  I hear people in their late 50s talking about moving into something forever.  My friend calls it her "forever house".  I am beginning to think post retirement is a good time for a transitional home purchase.  Like The Three Bears home,  the house should be "not too big, not too little but just right".  Boomerang children are discouraged from coming back to nest but they can visit for a short while but not get too comfortable.  We can get rid of part of our stuff but keep enough to satisfy us and we can learn to share the space with a little more room.  As we downsize gradually, we will adjust better.   It is just a thought!
• Stay Bendable! Here is the biggest challenge of all. Although we hate change even worse as we get older, we need to remain flexible if we can! I know...it is like changing the tides in the ocean. But still, it is absolutely the truth! If we don't see change as a good thing, we will have choices made for us and honestly, we will probably be cranky about them.
• Close but not too close.  I know that I will want to be close to a family member.  I do not want to ever move in with them...ever.  Even if I didn't see them very often, I would find comfort in the fact that we were breathing the same air.  

So there you go.  I just thought I could help you think this through with someone that is walking this road.  Come on out to play.  We could hold hands and giggle along the way.

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Related articles

• Seniors embrace aging in place (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Build the Home of the Future (everydayhealth.com)
• Senior Villages Take Root as Movement Matures (money.usnews.com)