The Bickering's Christmas Tree Hunt! @blogher #NaBloPoMo

There's a good one...she's doubtful!

Too beautiful!

Family discussion...what is it we are looking for again?

Perfect but too tall!

Perfect but too short!

The perfect family!
Me, daughter, son-in-law, grandson, granddaughter, husband
Side Kick took the picture!

Posted for NaBloPoMo on Blogher.

It runs in the family actually. We bicker for bickering's sake...no reason just because. So it only stands to reason that my daughter's family tree hunt would be a noisy discussion from beginning to end. We have learned that the annual trip tests the moral fiber of the family. It goes like this:

The 15 year old runs on her own time schedule so she was naturally a little late. It usually takes two cars because my 19 year old grandson always has a side kick or two tagging along. I always need to go back and get my camera but my son-in-law does not get mad. It really is chancy even getting out of the driveway.

My daughter had claimed her right to choose the tree this year but changed her mind. Her oldest will not be home next Christmas and her youngest will be gone before she knows it. There will be a time when she gets to pick the tree and she knows it will not be nearly as much fun as it is now.

The u-cut tree farm is out in the country. Unlike years past, we are now only going a short distance and we have found a farm that is not 500 acres big. We have been at this for a lot of years so at least we are experienced. A small u-cut tree farm is a good thing. I don't know how the family arrives at a decision when there are only 25 trees! There were at least 1000 today.  It is hard. One child wants a tall tree, another child a full tree, my daughter wants a skinny girly tree and her husband is all about balance, height and geometry. There is a lot of yelling from one end of the tree farm to the other.

About half way through the hunt I did ask if we were close to the best tree yet and my granddaughter pointed out that I had invited myself along so I didn't get to be impatient. It is a good thing that I insult her a lot or it could have been a bad thing for her to say.

As suddenly as it had begun it was over. They all decided and my daughter declared the the tree chosen. The 19 year old and his faithful side kick cut it down and carried it to the pickup. We bickered our way back to the car. My husband stood by my side while we gazed across the foggy landscape covered with evergreens.

We both smiled. Where else could we ever want to be. I love my wonky life.

Be well.

b+

Thoughts on @BlogHer Article: Taking away Mom's Keys

Did I tell you that I needed to practice driving when I returned to Portland? It seems that my husband had driven all winter in Arizona and even when I do drive down there. it is very easy. Driving in the Portland Metro area is not. I told my children about this because I wanted them to know. It is a worry for me. I guess that is why this article on BlogHer hit a nerve. It was called Taking Away Mom's Keys. 

The story went like this:
Sandra Tyler is a writer and owns a blog called A Writer Weaves a Tale. Tyler wrote this morning about her mother. Her mother, age 93, was summoned to the Motor Vehicle Department because they felt the need to see if her driving skills were up to par. After being tested for her skills while driving, the elderly woman lost her license because her driving scared the tester so badly it made her ill. The old woman pleaded for her freedom to drive. "I don't go far. But I need to go up this block, turn right, then a left here to get my mail and groceries." she told the official at the DMV Window 22. The daughter saw her mother humiliated in public and still faced the problem of taking away her car keys. The question left hanging in the air was at what age do seniors need to give up driving? I could only think about the day I myself face the dreaded official tending Window #22 at the DMV.

Earlier this winter I wrote a post about starting the conversation with my children about my diminishing skills as I age. I was thinking that there were things my children and I needed to discuss now and not later. It was called 5 Conversation Starters with My Children. The third item on that list was:

1. 3. How will you handle "traveling problems" if they should occur? This may include a discussion about whether we should even drive. (I also had in mind traveling with a suitcase overseas.)

If I were asked by a younger person how to handle the awkward situations they are going to face in the future with their parents, the two pieces of advice I would give them would be....

• Treat your parents like respected elders at all times 
• Start the discussions early. For example, don't wait until the day arrives when Mom or Dad cannot drive anymore. Talk about that dreaded day now. You will not regret it. 

You see, aging parents know when their driving skills are going south and it scares them too. They are afraid they will hurt someone and they are afraid of a world where they are isolated because they cannot drive. Parents also know when they should not live alone without assistance and when they need help with their finances. The real problem is that they have never talked about it with their children so no one knows how the others feel. I am sure it must be a horrible feeling for everyone. The ship is sinking and the children cannot talk the parent into getting in the lifeboat. They should have had a safety plan before they were set adrift at sea.

Start the conversations now, talk often and sincerely about worries and above all, keep a good sense of humor. It will get you through many a very rough spot. So there you have it...from the lips of a real expert.

b 

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