10 Things About Life's Fourth Act

The Third Act is the catch word for passing 50 years of age. Back when the phrase became all the rage Boomers were getting nearer to that part of their life.  Someone came up with the idea that boomers would bring a new "younger" feeling to what was once thought of as the beginning of old age. We wouldn't call that stage old anymore.

I could tell you things about my Third Act but if you have been reading my blog or even websites that deal with aging, you will understand what it is all about. I always thought of that part of my life as a time of choosing and reinventing myself. On most website this stage of life is defined as the period after 50 years of age until death. I don't think that is true. I think that the Third Act is just an older young. The next act is when we are truly old. We are living longer now and a Fourth Act needs to be added.

I know because I am entering the Fourth Act. If someone that is an expert defines that part of our life to fit a particular time frame that is all well and good. But the truth is we all come to that place on our own. I think that there are people that decide to skip the Third part and move directly to the Fourth. It is all about when you are ready for what is next.

My family and my husband of 79 all went white water rafting on Sunday. It was a big workout for everyone. They had had the best time of their whole life and, I think, felt more alive than ever before. A little danger does that. In the midst of all this joy and laughter my husband commented that it was the first time he had felt old...as though he could not do what was demanded of him.

My husband is the one with the red cap.
His three granddaughters are directly in front
and in the middle on the right side of the boat.
My son-in-law is riding the bull...his feet tell the whole story!

I could see it in his eyes. The truth is he was asking himself the question, "Would I even want to do that again?" I think questions like that are a sure sign that it really isn't what we can do...it is what we think we can do or even what we want to do. We are entering a new stage of life.

I took this picture as they floated by.
The giant dog kept an eye on the
parking lot where he was sure they
would be soon!
I would really have liked to do
that but I just didn't want to!

Note: This grandmother stayed in a park nearby the river and took care of a giant dog that dragged me to the bathroom where he layed in my stall and stuck his head under the wall so he could stare and the lady in the next stall. It was all so classy. He then took me past the hot dog stand and back to the river where he pooped and peed and went promptly to sleep. I read. It wasn't easy but it was still a lot if fun and I laughed at myself a lot! That dog tested my metal!

I am sure you have notice that this has been on my mind. I have come up with a list of ten things I am experiencing that are different. This is what I see:

1. I have experienced in a very active 3rd Act, but now I make choices to either quit or cut back on things because that is what I want to do for reasons that are personal.
2. I notice that there are things about my physical condition that affect my daily life.
3. I might be developing Type 2 diabetes. 
4. I won't or can't walk or move as fast as I once could. I still walk many miles a week though.
5. My posture is changing.
6. My family has told me that I are not in charge. I like that a lot.
7. We make our funeral arrangements even though there is nothing wrong. My family was shocked and amazed...after all we are going to live forever they think.
8. Since I am a woman over 75, I will not need a mammogram.
9. I personally have experienced a wonderful feeling of enjoying the now. I am more focused and introspective than ever.
10. I feel excited about arriving at this place and look forward to seeing life from a front row seat. Even watching the next generation do what I so enjoyed, gives me great pleasure. 

If you are one of the chosen few that arrive at old age, you should rejoice and dance in the street. It continues to be quite a ride.

If you can add to this list, I would love to hear your comments. What Act defines you?

b+

It Takes a Village...

In my world of 55+ RV resorts and a 55+ community here in Oregon I have come to realize that it does take a village to remain secure in our old age.

In Arizona where we spend our winters, we have a gated entry and a fence that surrounds the property. We know people that need watching and are very aware of what is going on. For those people that can wander occasionally, the village provides some security. But we only have a handful that have remained when that time came. It is a vacation spot boomers mostly.

But here in Oregon, the houses are set on a round street with some along the edge and some in the middle. A small gazebo is our public "park" of sorts. We do have some very elderly people in our neighborhood right now and several have left within the last year. We are a village where those of us that are younger watch out for those that are older.

My neighbor knows about everyone and we depend on her for a detailed description of the ails and woes. I see it as a good thing because I do not want to go door to door to find out the news. She walks everyday and stops to visit with anyone that is outside. She is over 80.

But what about a community that only houses dementia patients? There has been one in Holland for many years. It has been dubbed "The Truman Story" village.

...[it] is [a] place with no locks at all, no gates or fences, in the land of smiles where demented are deposited by their European families, freely living in the moment until they take their last breath. (from a documentary called "The Unspooling Mind")

Since 2010 or maybe even before villages like this have been springing up around the world. The people that live there wander at will and remain safe. But, what if they could do that in a community of mixed age people?

In recent years, I read about a Japanese women that wandered throughout her village, entered shops and homes, sat in chairs and left when she was ready. Her daughter had tried to keep her locked in but it didn't work and upset the Alzheimer's patient beyond reason. The people in the businesses and the neighborhood were willing to let her wander and watched out for her when she was out of her daughter's sight.

Those of us in this neighborhood may come to that one day. I don't know. We do have a busy street nearby so that is a problem. And, I don't know about someone just opening my door and coming in. When I think of how that might be I don't know if I would be willing to do that. I suppose I would have to keep my house locked all of the time.

Thinking outside what is "normal" as we age is very interesting. Nursing homes are so expensive and the joke about the little old lady that decided to live on  a cruise ship instead of going to one is sounding more and more reasonable. It would cost just about half as much.

So, just think about it. What have you seen lately that is a new innovation for caring for our elderly? I am interested.

b+

Aging: Make Mine Beautiful

Note: This is a guest post I did three years ago. When I went back to see it again, links for every sex medication know to man had been added to the text. Read this and see why it would draw that kind of spam. 

James Joyce posits the idea: when we are in the presence of great beauty, our minds go still. We feed on aesthetics. Not only does it come into play in our private life but it also enhances our social interaction. If we are wearing or using a device that is aesthetically pleasing, not only do we feel good, but the person that sees you also experiences pleasure. So, if we are to believe the classic poet, we will want to select a gift or a device for an elderly relative or for ourselves that not only functions but is beautiful.

While our grandparents lived with just what was necessary, today’s boomer generation is accustomed to beauty at every turn. Even the groceries stores are designed to please the eye and increase the appetite. Those of us that are aging in this era want and expect that what we use is beautiful.In a talk given for TED several years ago, Denis Dutton talked about what beauty is. His talk on the Darwinian theory of beauty points out that we may all hold to a similar aesthetic. It seems that people in every culture love the idea of nature and the beauty of being surrounded by trees, water, living creatures and a pathway to the horizon. It could be that being “green” is just a built in code for beauty.In an article written by Patrick Roden called The Aesthetics of Aging in Place Design: Turning Obstacles into Beauty he talked about fulfilling the need of the  elderly person. He said we need to select things not…

“…only for function, but to delight the senses with non-stigmatizing design. [We] must understand that  [the elderly need things designed to meet a] deep biological emotion.” Aging in Place

Roden sited Michael Graves’ designs for Target as a prime example of how we are drawn to beauty. His designs are all about making utilitarian things beautiful. Graves was confined to a wheelchair after a serious illness several years ago. He has since turned to designing hospital rooms and devices for people with limited mobility. His thoughts on his hospital experience reflect what most people feel.

“I had really good care and really atrocious rooms,” Graves laughed. “I thought to myself, ‘I can’t die here. It’s too ugly.’” Culture Map, Houston

This is right where I am. I would not want to use something, no matter how useful, that is ugly.So, if an older person is sitting in a wheelchair or carrying a monitor around his/her neck, why not find something beautiful or cool for them? A lovely magnifying glass for reading or a beautiful rolling shopping cart is only two examples. A beautifully feminine or steely masculine lanyard will make the monitor not only functional but also beautiful. I saw a folding cane that I think any man would find fascinating. It just takes some research to find the perfect item.I loved the quote by a Charles Limb, a surgeon that helps with hearing loss, in a TED presentation. He said:“When we think of the loss of the sense, we really think about something like this: the ability to touch something luxurious, to taste something delicious, to smell something fragrant, to see something beautiful.”Isn’t it interesting that even when our mind or hearing does not function like it should, our senses may still be able to feed our soul? It is a reminder that those things that bring the senses to life are important even for those that are becoming less aware. It is a thought!

"Old People"...thoughts on Penn and Teller "Bullshit" TV Show

en: Penn & Teller, during the 40th Emmy Awards pt: A dupla de ilusionistas e comediantes Penn & Teller, durante o 40 a edição do Emmy Awards, em Agosto de 1988. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you are one of the millions of people that have faithfully watched Penn and Teller's show on Showtime called "Bullshit", you probably didn't miss the episode they ran called "Old People" (Season 8, Episode 8). I just watched it this morning and laughed my "old person" head off. The very fact that they even thought to disprove all those myths about my people just tickled me to death. Even though I am 73 (almost) I wondered if it were possible to prove younger people wrong about us. We can be a little annoying I know.

On sex for example, Penn and Teller managed to find a group of people from Florida that were actually willing to talk about sex. That surprised me a lot...I am not talking and you cannot make me! But good for those Floridians that were willing to disprove the idea the old people aren't up to or don't like a little hanky panky with their husbands/wives or whoever. I applaud them for making the rest of us look alive.

Then there was was the part about "smelling musty"...you remember I wrote about that subject here last week. When an actual scientific test was done on a mixed group of old and young people with young people smelling the armpits of the test group, it turned out that people are people. Some are musty and some are not...age has nothing to do with it.

But best of all I loved Penn and Teller's take on "old people driving". They pointed out that statistics show that old people are a lot safer drivers with fewer accident and fatalities on the road. They said that "not killing people with their cars was a good thing and that worked for them". You have to love it!

So there...I am not a bad person...Penn and Teller said so! Maybe a little annoying but just get over it!

b+

Related articles

• Ageism or Agism: On Smelling Musty

Stages of Aging: From Neverland to Reality

illustration of Lost Boys, Wendy, Peter Pan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was tempted to see if anyone else has had this thought before I began writing but I decided that it didn't really matter. I need to talk about this with you. The question is Do all new retirees and boomers becoming obsessed with the idea that they might remain young forever? Are they, in fact, wanting to return to Neverland and live like Peter Pan and the Lost Boys?

I went through that phase when I retired and moved to our winter home in Arizona for six months of every year. It seemed that living in a cloistered world with other retirees, most of them much older than myself, gave me the freedom to be young again...in my case it may be that I was actually young for the first time. Who knows? What I do know is that I felt like I had found Neverland. I even talked about the "pods" in the pool that those people in the movie Cocoon swam with. Remember, those alien pods were like the fountain of youth.

Years went by and I began to grow up again...it may be that boomers/retirees will all go through this when they are free to do just what they want without worry about a job or even the care of children. Aging may have a youth, middle age and old age all it's own. It is something to think about.

In the youthful part of my old age I belonged to a group of women online called Fab Over Fifty. Geri, the owner of the website, was a beacon for women that were growing older. She promoted the idea that young was something we could have if we just played our cards right. Beauty products, clothing choices and just a little bit of ridicule for women that did not have that special sense of style filled the website. I stayed with the group for a while then...

Geri wrote a blog post about getting old. She talked about Pilates and baldness and night creams. She worked hard at doing all the right stuff so her thinking was that she was not going to get old. She could not understand why everyone was not like her. Then she posted pictures of old people with big moles. At the time I was about 69 I think. You can imagine that I was just a little offended and a lot angry. I was beginning to become more mature in that stage in my life. I became aware of the realities of aging. I could not wrap my mind around the mindset of a group of women like that.

See, it doesn't matter if you do all the right things...you are going to get old just like everyone else. It is one of the givens in life.

I just returned from a place in Mexico, a haven for artists and expats. I was not aware that this place existed and I don't think that a lot of retirees are. But, for those people living there, there is a quality to the air, a inexpensive lifestyle and a unspoken hope that youth may be forever available. It is one of the many possible Neverlands people are seeking.

As I was driving down a back road near Leon, Mexico, it occurred to me that staying young forever is not what I want...not really. The idea that I would forever have to walk endless miles to keep fit or eat just the perfect healthy food or even maintain the regimen of beauty creams and makeup began to feel like a burden. I don't even want to begin with how to dress!  Sometimes I just want to sit and read in my housecoat. I want to get up in the morning, wash my face and hair, get dressed and nothing else. Sometimes I just want to sleep. In a word, I just want to be who I am at the age I am. Isn't that perfect?

So, Peter Pan, you can have your forever youthful life. Getting old is not bad, not at all. In fact, when it comes down to it, life just gets better and better. That is what I think.

Have a wonderful day!

b+

Related articles

• #Agism: @FabOverFifty's Geri Brin's Vision of Aging made me feel ill!
• Do You See Retirement in Black and White?
• Senior Independent Living...7 stages of retirement "grief"!
• Retirement advice when your children retire?

Aging: Seriously, a pet is a good thing!

When I wrote the article the other day about needing a dog, I did so with tongue in cheek. However, there is a serious issue here. See, I really do believe that those of us that are older still need to nurture and care for something. Nurturing is probably a basic human need.

It wasn't until I came to realize that those people I had fussed over in the past didn't want me to do that anymore that I began to understand why the little old lady down the street not only loved her darling dog but truly needed it.

Cat kiev (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My children are not mean spirited and love me a great deal. For that reason, they do not want me to worry. They are trying to shield me from what is bad in their lives. I understand that feeling well. After all I am a daughter of a mother. The truth of the matter is I don't want to worry either. It sort of makes me feel sick.

But in a world without worry and control, there is a void of sorts. People of my age and older like to look and see someone gazing at us adoringly and an animal becomes the surrogate for grandchildren and children or a missing companion. A pet's complete dependence on us makes our lives complete somehow.

The fact is that the research agrees. Evidence shows that pet ownership is one of the real components needed to treat depression in older people. But that is only part of the picture. Stress, heart disease and anxiety disorders also fall into that group of conditions alleviated by pet ownership.

In an article written by Stanley Coren for Psychology Today titled The Health and Psychological Benefits of Bonding with a Pet Dog,  Coren talked about the conditions eased by the ownership of a pet. Coren is the author of several books about dogs and professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia. In the segment dealing with aging he said:

Research looked at [people] 60 years of age and older, who were not living with human companions, but were living with a pet. The likelihood that the non-pet owners would end up being diagnosed as clinically depressed was four times higher than that found in the pet owning people of the same age. There was also evidence that the pet owners required fewer medical services and were much more satisfied with their lives.

So, see I could be onto something here. A dog, cat or even a parrot may be the solution to all kinds of problems. I think I am fine. But for you or someone you know, it may be something to think about. 

FYI: My husband and I cannot have a dog in our park model in Arizona...rules you know. So until we move or the rules change, we will not be having a dog. RV the Cat and I will just have to learn how to love each other!

b+

 

Related articles

• The Need to Nurture in Retirement
• I live with a cat....sigh!

Down Sizing in Real Life

Deciding to downsize to a 55+ community was a wonderful decision for us. But not so many years ago I was put off by the idea of being around "old people" ALL of the time. Now I look around in my 55+ community and everyone looks just like me. Here is a little bit about our journey and how it has worked for us.

Why Did We Downsized When We Did?
My husband and I actually downsized twice. The first time we moved because we were still young (60 and 64) and wanted to try out a new lifestyle. We did not think it was our "last" move and we did not choose a house because it was a place we could grow old in.  That made the moves easier. We were downsizing without realizing.

We were empty nesters and our frugal side told us that we did not need nor did we want four bedrooms, a family room or even a basement. We were done cleaning and doing the giant amount of yard work. No amount of sentimentality could over come the practical part. We gave up our yard and moved into a condo.  The community was young, hip and new. We liked that a lot.

Then we traveled.

Ten years went by and we were tired of all the travel. We realized that practical needed to guide our lives again. It turned out we missed our yard and the exercise we got when we worked outside. We realized what a barrier steps would be if we were ill or injured and our condo was built on four levels. That fear presented itself when I fell on a golf course and sprained my ankle severely. We decided that the time had come to live on one level again. It was so painfully obvious it was not even a choice anymore. It was what we needed. That was when we moved into a 55+ neighborhood. We have lived here for almost 2 years now. I was 69 and my husband was 73.

Where?
This brings me to Contentment. Contentment is an actual place in my mind. The place is relaxing, happy, comfortable and you fit in with the people around you. The trouble with the place called "Contentment" it is ever changing.  You cannot recognize that a new place might have that name until you are ready. It might be an apartment, a small house in the woods, a retirement community or even an assisted living facility. You might think today as you look into the future that you would hate one or the other of these choices. BUT...on the day or week that any one of those is right for you, you will be happy to be living there. It will be where you belong. But not yet if you are not ready. We have found that all of our living situation have been unique to a particular time in our lives. What we loved when we were very young is not what we want now.

That brings me to the people I suppose. The people that you are surrounded by can be a real deal breaker. That is why some are so horrified to think about living in a place where everyone is old or young or loud or even of a different nationality. It is all about the people. When I open my door I am very glad to see the person from across the street.  How would you feel about looking out the window and seeing your neighbors walking by? Many of my neighbors are using walkers now but I don't care. I don't think I would have felt that way when I was younger.

When you retire, you give up a world of people that have a lot in common with you. After that you may find a hole in your life. So who would you like to hang out with at this stage of your life. Would it be people that share your life experience, age mates for example? That is what we discovered we liked.

We were like many of you. We did not want to be with old people all of the time. I remember staying in a 55+ town where everyone within the city limits was 55 or older...much older. There were no public parks with play ground equipment or even a school. The grocery was filled with nothing but old people. It was almost spooky. I wanted to drive to the nearest town and stop at a school so I could watch children play. It drove me nuts! It was just too much of a good thing.

Then we took our Motor Home to a RV resort that was 55+. Grandchildren visited, we were near schools and neighborhoods with families. The grocery stores were used by every age. We discovered that we were at home there. The neighbors were age mates. We shared common experiences even though we came from every walk of life. It was such a positive experience that we began to think about finding a similar place back in our home state.

But that was not easy. Even though the boomers are coming into their old age we found there was not much choice in the area where we wanted to live when we decided on downsizing again. But, as with most things, it all worked out. There were two houses for sale in a very small neighborhood two blocks from our daughter. Both were all on one level, had a small yard and the covenants required that you be 55 or older. We chose one and made the move.

Our 55+ neighborhood is near a much larger neighborhood that is home to families, schools, pools and a community center.  Our neighborhood shares garage sale days and walking paths with them. It is just close enough to young people to make our area seem alive and vital.

We think our neighbors are older than we are but we seem to fit right in. We both are very active and think young even though we may not be as young as we feel. The truth is we look like everyone else. In the end the important thing is we are happy.  We live in our current version of a place called "Contentment".

My private back yard.

How?
Down sizing is not something people do without realizing what they are going to sacrifice. Memories, things and even neighbors all come into play. They also worry about their physical ability to do what is necessary. Even though they want to downsize they are stuck! This is what I have discovered:

1. Memories go with you no matter where you live. I carry those in my mind and in pictures. 
2. Worldly possession are just that. I know you might think I am nuts, but you will actually be relieved when you have less to dust or store. If you think you can't part with "stuff", put it in storage for a while and if you don't go look at it or even think about it again, give away.
3. Neighbors are a little harder. But if they are age mates, they will be doing the same thing you a thinking of doing. Remember God gave us cars, taxis and public transportation for a reason. Gather together for special dinners on a schedule. I think you will find that the need to get together lessens with time. 



My visiting patio in the front yard!

4. As for the physical part, I need you to remember that this move is like eating an elephant. Take very small bites. It is doable if you just do it a tiny bit each day. If you and your children have a good relationship, they will help. 

This part of our life is ever changing. Each time I talk about down sizing or living in a small space I am reminded that the story is never the same. It is always good to have the conversation. Change is a good thing for many reasons and it reminds us that we do have choices, nothing is forever and we can't predict the future until it is not the future anymore. 

Be well.

b+

Links: Retire in Style Blog posts labeled Down Sizing

Related articles

• Is a Planned Community Right for You?

You Don't need to be Bored in Retirement! Hobbies

Note:  I welcome you to become a follower, comment or even click the twitter button to share with your followers.  Thank you for stopping by.

Learning to draw on my ipad!

I heard from a Keith of Keith's Ramblings the other day.  He has just retired and commented on his own blog that he was already bored!  Being the helpful person I am, I suggested he become a clown.  He could join the circus!

Even though I was only joking, in some small way I was serious.  Have you ever dreamed of being a clown...or a writer or a pro-golfer?  Retirement is the time when you can pursue those dreams. The fact that you do not need the income frees you to do what you want without fear of starving!  All you have to do is start.  But being bored really should not be a choice.  You may have a little let down when you retire but before long you will begin thinking about what you will do next.  Retirement will last a long time so "next" is the key word here.

I always wanted to be a writer.  I woke up every morning for years with the first line of the next great American novel on my lips.  My regret now is that I didn't keep a list of those "first" lines.  Peanut's Snoopy and I could have compared notes.  When my husband and I retired, my son suggested that I begin blogging.  We were traveling at the time so I just began talking to my grandchildren by way of the internet.  That dream blog evolved into stories, poetry and eventually this blog about all that retirement holds.

Would you believe that the thing that bothered me the most in the beginning was my keyboarding skills? I wanted to publish what I wrote immediately but being my own editor was harder than I ever dreamed.  Those first few years of writing look so shabby to me now.  I am sure that what I write today will look that way to me in a few years too.

What I have learned is that I am happier when I am busy.  I can still learn with practice so new things don't frighten me anymore.  If for no other reason than happiness, starting a new thing that you can become passionate and even a little obsessed is a good thing.  Being involved will keep you off the streets. Last of all, practice will make you better, stronger and more confident.

Don't tell me you are bored!  Didn't you always want to be a clown?  Today is the day!

b

Technorati Tags: happiness, ipad, blogs, avocations, bored

Related articles

• How to be a Snowbird: Overcoming The 3 F's! (retireinstyleblog.com)
• 10 Rules for a Retirement Marriages...will it be Heaven or Hell! (retireinstyleblog.com)
• Other post about Hobbies (retireinstyleblog.com)

Headline (paraphrase): "OLD PEOPLE STILL ABLE TO LEARN!" Successful Aging Survey.

Cover of Successful Aging

Grandmother and Grandson...both still learning and growing!

They said "You are not old...you are just very, very wise!"

I am all about aging successfully. When I talk about "success" in this context, I am not talking about the absence of health problems or financial success. Successful aging, in my world, happens in the 6 inches between you ears. So when I came across an article telling us that indeed, old people are aging successfully, I thought it was wonderful. The story, Researchers: Seniors can Learn New Skills Despite Growing Age in Top News out of the UK was a review of a talk given by Dilip Jeste, MD.


Article on Top News UK (2010):
Dilip Jeste, MD, Director of the Institute for Research on Aging, University of California, San Diego presented to the Royal College of Psychiatrists Congress in Edinburgh last year in a talk about what has to be one of his favorite topics...successful aging. He pointed out that what younger people see as a failed mental ability in older people is not what it looks like at all:

...the reality that elderly people are sluggish in reacting compared to younger people, is extensively observed as a shortcoming. But, that's not the case all the time.

Dilip said, "The elderly brain is less dopamine-dependent, making people less impulsive and controlled by emotion. Older people also less likely to respond thoughtlessly to negative emotional stimuli because their brains have slowed down compared to younger people”. 

The Royal College of Psychiatrists Congress in Edinburgh was told that this in real meaning, is wisdom. 

This short piece whetted my appetite for more information. I went on to find the following information.

Article on Medscape News, 2005
In the interview on Medscape Jeste talked about a survey his group had completed using 6000 women that belonged to the Women's Health Initiative, a study involving women that has been ongoing for around 13 years. Most of the women interviewed for the article  called Secrets of Successful Aging: An Expert Interview With Dilip Jeste, MD were over 60.  I read every word of the article several times and I wanted to stand and applaud. I took a great deal of hope from Dr. Jeste 's words because he was stating what I have been experiencing out here in retirement/aging land. This is what I took from the article:

• There is not much information on aging successfully. Most articles focus as all those negative maladies.  
• Because of all the negative information promoted in most material, research writers and the new media have not focused on aging successfully.
• People that see themselves as aging successfully do so because they are able to remain mentally active.
• Illness does not affect their perception.
• Not everyone is resilient and can recover from changes in their lives.  However, this is not necessarily because of good genes.  Good attitude and healthy life choices account for 50% of a persons ability to adapt to changes related to aging.
• Studies have shown that the brain of old people continues to grown and develop.  Those that put  their minds to good use age more successfully.
• It turns out that exercise is good for the mind as well as our emotional well being.

Did you already know this or at least thought it was possible?  I actually have believed this for a long time.  I would encourage you to go to both articles, follow all the links and research. Tell me what you think. Are we aging successfully? I think the answer has to be a resounding "yes"!

b

Note:  Dr. Dilip V. Jeste was chosen as the president-elect of the American Psychiatric Association, the largest psychiatric organization in the world. January 2011


Link:  Quotes on Aging: Cicero's Essay on Aging (104-42 B.C.) (Retire In Style Blog)
Staying Fit with Exercise  (New York Times)

Technorati Tags: success, research

7 Myths about leakage (bladder control) and other myths related to aging!

Have you noticed what a beautiful day it is???

YES! You Can Teach Old Dog New Tricks

So you're old now.  That little voice in the back of our mind is growing a seed planted all those years’s ago. We heard our mother tell about our father's driving and how, when that he was coming up on fifty, he just couldn't think as good as he used to.  The seed has taken root and we begin to realize that it could be us...someday.  So, do you think that you aren't as good as you were at one time...are you beginning to say it out loud...well, you know, I am not as young as I used to be? We need to talk!

First of all let me tell you about myself...I am not a psychologist.  I am a 69-year-old retired educator.  I am writing about what I see around me.  In fact, like my blog description above says, I can tell you about this from the place where the rubber meets the road.

In an article written for Integrated Psychology Associates a Dr. DeLee Lantz had the list of myths down perfectly:

When people think of growing older, they often have images of deprivation, poverty, poor health, loneliness and loss of mental capacity. Does the prevalence of this view mean that it's likely to be accurate? How true is the stereotype? Is this the future we all have to look forward to? Is it true of older people? Or are some of these beliefs simply myths about aging that we've come to accept because of their repetition?

I am here to say these are mostly myths.  So don't make excuses.

1. Myth Excuse:  I probably am getting dementia because I am old.  Let's get the loss of mental capacity out of the way first...I'm not trying to be funny here but...don't think about it.  If you have ever kept a car because it did not break down or act funny...and were paid for...you can understand this.  When it quits working, it quits working.  Did you begin using it less because you were worried that it would quit?   Well I wouldn't.  I would use it until it quit.  When it was done then so be it.  Why would we even worry about it until the time came?  It is not myth that we will grow old and die if we keep on living.  I don't know about you but I like living a lot and I am willing to accept the consequences of growing old.  Get over it!  Don't think about dementia or other age related mental problems!

2. Myth Excuse:  I am getting cranky because I am old.  The myth is that as we get older we become cute and sweet or cranky and mean.  This is the truth as I know it.... our personalities do not change.  If we are active, smart, evil, mean or even dippy, we will be all those things as we grow older.  We do not change. So don't use age as an excuse to do mean things or to act like you are dippy.  Age has nothing to do with it. 

3. Myth Excuse:  I am feeling depressed but who wouldn't? I'm getting old.  There are some basic sign of depression that all of us should be watchful for...changing sleep patterns, negative thought patterns, appetite loss, pain and a feeling of hopelessness...to name just a few.  Depression hurts!  Get the help you need.  This is not normal just because you are old.  Do your research. If you are depressed, it is a symptom of an illness and can be treated.  Don't accept it!

4. Myth Excuse:  I have gained weight and I can't do anything about it because I am old.  The truth is we can improve the condition of our heart and the shape of our body.  Aching joints could have more to do with inactivity than it does with activity.  In fact, in my case, I can actually make my joints hurt by focusing on them.  I like to wake up with gratitude, think about what I will do and get on with my day.  I will repeat the same advice I gave above one more time...don't think about it.  And, if you have a deteriorating hip or knee, get it fixed as soon as you can.  We are going to live a long time so we need to take care of ourselves. 

5. Myth Excuse:  I will spend all the rest of my days alone because I can never feel love again.  This may be a myth from my generation...I don't know.  I know for a fact that old people can love with as much passion as young people.  If you have lost a mate or divorced at a late age, you can still have a life with another person...age does not change that.  It is your choice. 

6. Myth Excuse:  I am just miserable because I am old and don't have very much money.  Listen, we need to make good choices as we get older.  Living within our means in a positive meaningful way can change the way we look at our old age.  I live in an RV resort for 6 month out of the year.   Here in Arizona where old people gather to sit in the sun, there are small houses called park models.  You can own one for anything from $5,000 up to $60,000.  Yearly rent is $4000 a year (less than $400 per month).  This park has about 200 year round people.  These people have found an affordable, social and active way to spend their retirement.  They can afford it.  There is housing for people that need financial assistance in the community and some have been able to use the aid.  They do not need to be miserable or lonely.  I am beginning to believe that seniors are lonely because of the choices they make. 

7. Myth Excuse: I can't play golf because I have a leakage (bladder control) problem. See, I don't know about this. I don't leak and I love to play golf.   From what I read, bladder leakage is not a disease...it is a symptom.  If you leak, do some research on the websites about an over active bladder or bladder control then get help.  Doctors can make that problem go away.

8. Myth Excuses:  I can't learn to play bridge...I'm just too old! I know people that are learning to golf, play bridge, play mahjongs, quilt, write, make jewelry, and quilt...need I say more.  We continue to learn and actually may even become very wise if we "put our mind to it".  The myth that we can't learn as we get older is the worst myth of all...it is absolutely untrue!

9. Myth Excuse:  I can't do a thing about my life...I am old.  Wrong...many, many of the things we worry about...failing joints, depression, loneliness, poverty are things that can be dealt with.  By being proactive and doing what we should, we can live long, happy, social and productive lives.  You can be sure that we are going to live a long, long time.  Make the best of the years given to you!

News people and advertisers are planting the idea that retirement and aging is an awful place to be.  Pharmaceutical firms want us to believe that we need more and more medication.  Aging is not awful.  Really, it isn't.  We have a lot of choices in this day and age.  We will work until we can or want to retire. Maybe some of us will work longer, maybe some of us less.  It is a fact and always has been.  Don't dwell on it.  For goodness sakes have you noticed what a beautiful day it is?  And it could be that we live out a self-fulfilling prophecy in our old age. How we spend our retirement years will be what we think it will be.  Think positive! 

b

Should we AGE IN PLACE or Are There Other Choices?

Retirement Bliss!

When my husband and I moved into a condo with several flights of stairs 9 years ago, a friend asked me what we were going to do when we got old.  My goodness, I thought, this is not even my second to the last move.  I won't be aging in place.  Not on your life!

Aging in place is a phrase that is thrown around a lot these days.  Young people have the idea that their life and life of their parents will be simplified if they just widen doors and retrofit the sink, etc.  The children can come home to the house they were raised in for Thanksgiving and MOM/Dad will have the same bowl they ate out of when they were two.  I know that is what I thought when my mother was facing her eighties.  She asked about the possibility that she might need to move because she could not do the things necessary to maintain the house.  I remember being flip with her and talking about aging in place.  I regret that now.

But as time passed I changed my mind!  Communities are different now and older people are so isolated in a neighborhood where everyone works night and day.  I have come to the opinion that we are better off seeking a community that surrounds us with age mates and lots of activities.  Living is what we need to do...not age in place!  Even the blog called Aging in Place talked about the "context" of aging in place. There are no rules or directives.  We just need to remember that making the bathroom door wider is not enough.  Your parent is not going to be happy because they have a big bathroom door...your parent is living the last part of their and the life should be full and beautiful.  So, if that cannot happen in the house they have lived in for 40 years, then there needs to be a positive change.  If children do it right, the parent will be delighted.  It is all about the context of the suggestion. Here some things I have learned:

• Living with my age mates is a good thing.  I did not realize how much younger I felt around people my own age until we began spending our winters in a 55+ RV Resort here in Arizona.  I actually felt alive, interesting and even young...by comparison. I have learned about being active in my old age and I saw good examples for living a very long time.  
• Try it on first.  It could be that those of you that are debating about your next life choice could benefit from trying the lifestyle change your debating before you make the leap.  Cohousing, condo living, 55+ communities and even Retirement Housing may not be the life you are seeking. That is what we are doing now.  I have learned that resort living is lots of fun and I will seek something that mirrors the life I have here...but with a little more help!
• Take the lead.  I would like to have figured it out before my children have a chance to take over. If we are to get just what we want then we need to begin finding how and where we want to live.
• Transitional change?  As we age the stages of life are playing themselves out.  I hear people in their late 50s talking about moving into something forever.  My friend calls it her "forever house".  I am beginning to think post retirement is a good time for a transitional home purchase.  Like The Three Bears home,  the house should be "not too big, not too little but just right".  Boomerang children are discouraged from coming back to nest but they can visit for a short while but not get too comfortable.  We can get rid of part of our stuff but keep enough to satisfy us and we can learn to share the space with a little more room.  As we downsize gradually, we will adjust better.   It is just a thought!
• Stay Bendable! Here is the biggest challenge of all. Although we hate change even worse as we get older, we need to remain flexible if we can! I know...it is like changing the tides in the ocean. But still, it is absolutely the truth! If we don't see change as a good thing, we will have choices made for us and honestly, we will probably be cranky about them.
• Close but not too close.  I know that I will want to be close to a family member.  I do not want to ever move in with them...ever.  Even if I didn't see them very often, I would find comfort in the fact that we were breathing the same air.  

So there you go.  I just thought I could help you think this through with someone that is walking this road.  Come on out to play.  We could hold hands and giggle along the way.

b

Related articles

• Seniors embrace aging in place (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Build the Home of the Future (everydayhealth.com)
• Senior Villages Take Root as Movement Matures (money.usnews.com)

Quotes for the day: Cicero's Essay on Aging (104-42 B.C.)

Image via WikipediaJust in case you did not know, great men and woman have been discussing the virtues and faults of aging for a very long time. Here are two quotes from Marcus Tullius Cicero (104-43 B.C.).  


"Great deeds are not done by strength or speed or physique: They are the products of thought, and character, and judgment and far from diminishing, such qualities actually increase with age." The lust of youth is not merely overrated but the seat of much outrage and indecent behavior. "When its campaigns of sex, ambition, rivalry, quarrelling, and all other passions are ended, the human spirit returns to live within itself—and is well off." He added: "The satisfactions of the mind are greater than all the rest." quote from Cicero from Nobody Gets Out of Here Alive!  in a book review in the Wall Street Journal.


It is true that I enjoy conversation, and for this reason I take pleasure even in banquets that begin early, and not just when the company are men of my own age (not many of them are left now!) but also with people of your age...and I am very grateful to old age for having increased my appetite for conversation and taken away my interest in food and drink. And if there are those who still find the latter enjoyable ... I fail to see that in pleasures of this sort old age is entirely without enjoyment.  quote from Cicero's Essays on Learning and the Morris institute of Human Wisdom


I am a romantic so I love the words of philosophers.  Cicero only lived 41 years so his old age after a very few years by our standards.   However, the emotional conditions of aging remains the same.  I only wish that old age would take away "my appetite for food and drink".  I still love a good bowl of pasta and a hearty glass of wine. On the up side, I love conversation...even when it is only a one sided "blogging" conversation.  Who knew that the condition called aging today is not much different than it was over 2000 years ago.


Be well and have a great day.


b

Happiness Paradox: When less makes us happier!

Nancy Gibbs over at Time.com asked the question:

So why is it that at least some aspects of the Great Recession of 2009 appear to have made people feel better.

Gibbs posted an article yesterday saying that people are feeling very positive about their lives!  It seems that bad time are not dampening the spirits of people.  Could it be that when the "expectation bubble" burst people were relieved?    Even though people might be spending less for gifts this Christmas, it may be they are ready to return to the true meaning of our holiday spirit .  In the past expectations for more and more "things" under the tree had put pressure on the pocket books of families and credit cards had become their only choice.  Now they may find that expectations are less and therefore the pressure to spend more than they have has decreased.  I loved what  Gibbs had to say at the end of her article on the Happiness Paradox and the American Dream:

It [happiness] gets bigger when we don't care if it [American Dream] gets smaller; we stopped buying all the stuff we didn't need that was supposed to make us happier, and we seem to be happier for it. And who would have expected that.

Those if us that are senior citizens feel the same pressure to keep grandchildren happy and live up to the expectations of our family.  While the seniors I know are less likely to spend more than they have, they are more likely to sacrifice in order to give gifts to family members.  In today's climate of lessening expectations they will feel more comfortable with what they are able to give.  Hopefully, this year of reality check will bring about more appreciation for personal contact and less emphasis on financial rewards.

We can only hope.

b

This blog was posted on Right Health.com

Related articles by Zemanta

• Happiness Paradox: Why Are Americans So Cheery? (time.com)

Insurance Agent...a real person might have the best rate!!!

I only have a few words of advice...when you are shopping for insurance, don't forget the old fashions "Insurance Agent". My husband spent a great deal of time online, searching for the right insurance. In the end he found that, when he began to talk directly with an agent using our existing policy as a comparison, we were able to get car insurance with what we wanted for what we could pay. The company that had accident forgiveness, gave us a better deal because we were educated and did not punish us for being "senior citizens". Liberty Mutual was the company.

So my advice is, "TALK TO YOUR INSURANCE AGENT AND THEN TALK TURKEY!!!"

Just thought you should know.

b

Related articles by Zemanta

• Save on Your Insurance by Asking [Insurance] (lifehacker.com)