What is that sound?

Paper #5 Barbara Torris
WHAT IS THAT SOUND I HEAR?

Is that my Voice or is it yours?

I have been taking a class presented by the University of Arizona's Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. The class, Writing for Self-Discovery, is a commitment that has me writing a story, 900 words long, that is submitted on the weekend and then reviewed by fellow students in the class. It satisfies me. I like that.

This week we were asked to talk about what we think the term "Voice" means. We were given a quote from Janet Conner from Writing Down Your Soul, pointing out that we all have a unique Voice that is waiting for us to listen.

I am not one to admit that I hear a Voice inside my head. That might not be a sane thing. Yet I think I need to let you understand that it is there. Just under the surface of the din around me, the Voice waits to have its say. It is my inspiration. It is the way I write and speak.

My life is not perfect. I have always quoted Popeye the Sailorman when I make a mistake or people don't like me. "I yam what I yam and that’s what I yam," I say and shrug my shoulders. What are we, my Voice and I, going to do? Then I might sigh. Mistakes happen. As for people not liking me, I laugh and think “Really, what’s not to like.” I try to laugh even though it may be painful.

Writing in my authentic writing Voice helps me keep those things that go wrong in perspective. Obsessing about anything is not good for me. At 82 years of age, I need to tame my obsessions and use writing to help work out what is happening or even why. I used to say that I had to write almost daily. But of late, it is getting very quiet. I don't feel as inspired as I once was. I am still hoping that the class will get me back to myself. We will see.

Back in the day when I began blogging around 2006, trolls would call you out or make disparaging remarks. It was necessary to have a thick skin. Those who persevered were rewarded with better skills and even better understanding of their Voice.

At one time I had a disclaimer on this blog because of trolls. It asked the reader to overlook what I missed in rereading. I learned from people like the NYT’s Frugal Traveler (https://www.nytimes.com/video/frugal-traveler). He had stayed at a roadside motel in Florida and extolled its virtues. When I researched it, I commented on his blog that it did not look safe. He called me out on the comment then went to my blog and called me amateurish. It was the truth. However, I was allowed to be inexperienced. My goal was to put myself out into the world enough times so that I would improve. Readers were kind and supportive. If others read, I needed to acknowledge their presence. They help me be very careful about editing etc.

But if someone tries to silence my Voice or even change its tenor, what will happen? See, taking a class in writing makes it necessary to listen and learn. We learn by listening to other's Voices and being allowed to have our say. It is a give-and-take. 

When beginning a story, the Voice is given free rein. The story emerges without any concern for what the reader does not know. I know that telling a story requires two things: 1) A story that reveals just enough, and 2) A reader with an imaginative mind. If the story doesn't engage the reader with an imaginative mind, then it is all for nothing. 

If those people want to see their own writing style and make an effort to change mine to fit their desires, I need to be careful to take what I need and leave the rest behind. It is our job to become better at listening to others while remaining true to ourselves. Bending to the desires of what is popular is not helpful and can destroy our confident Voice in the end.

Voice....do I even understand what it is? Those words inside my head that have me being grateful and hopeful when I awake, and creative when I write are mine. That is the way I write and even talk I suppose.

The challenge this week in the class has been a wonderful thing. I write in a “first person Voice”. It is in the end all about me here on my blog. My Voice may not be perfect, but I am still blogging after all these years! Amazing.

What are your voices telling you?

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Thank you for reading.
FYI Articles recommended in class

Reference:
Louise De Salvo, Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives (1999) Janet Conner, Writing Down Your Soul (2008) 

New to Retirement? Oh Dear!: HOBBIES

 I have been retired for what seems like an eternity! I began in 2006 or 2007 after taking a trip to Shanghai, China to visit my son. My husband and I stayed for 3 weeks so I had time to absorb what the world of expat educators was all about...and they were a busy, talented and progressive group of people. 

That was when I began to blog...it was a hobby worth doing. I learned so much along the way.

That was that time when the boomers were coming down the track and all of those people were wondering what they were going to do with their time on a dime. Times were tough for new retirees. This conversation is an ongoing one...filling day with things that interest you and bring you satisfaction is no easy task. RETIRE IN STYLE BLOG II  has a lot of posts sharing my experience.

*Because of the age of this post, some of the links don't work. Sigh. 

Back in the Day....20 Hobbies for 2018  2023

This is so much fun...I made this list and then went out to see if I could find a "how-to" for each one. Here are the ideas AND a link to the information on what to do if you want to take up that hobby! WOW!

I could have included travel but that would have been too easy! (Dubai)

You know...back when the world was young...20 years ago. Blogging was just getting attention and we were not carrying iPhones or probably even an iPad. We did have a laptop and it traveled around the world with us.

Back then, retirement was very much in jeopardy. The economy was struggling. So, those people who retiring did not necessarily think of going to a desert island or to the South Pole. They were trying to figure out what they could do with what disposable cash they had.

The talk was all about "Hobbies" or turning a hobby into "A Second Job". That was when I came across a list of hobbies...100 of them. (100 Cheap Hobbies) That list made me laugh over and over because I kept going back to it for this blog about retirement.

I could make a hobby out of making a list of hobbies. Truly, there is no end to what might be of interest to people. I was thinking of some today.

1. Dumpster diving...you never know what you may find.
2. Finding stuff...I had a man tell me he "found" several hundred dollars worth of stuff every year. Here is a company that will take you one a scavenger hunt.
3. Geocaching...this a hobby created by hiding stuff, leaving a link to the geographical location on a website. I have never done it but if you are into treasure hunts, you will love this.
4. Collecting things...key, computers, watches, keys, buttons, etc. I am good with three of most things but I can see how a person could get obsessed. Top 10 Things to Collect
5. Reading all mysteries one year and nothing but biographies the next. A challenge but still fun I think. Top 10 books for 2017 (Publisher's Weekly)
6. Running...from or to somewhere I suppose. Or even just running in a circle. People love to run. How to Run Correctly
7. Walking...more my speed. 10 Ways to Get the Most out of Walking
8. Tracking your walking/running with charts and logs. Tracking Your Walks
9. Photography...mix it up with telephoto lens catching the world unaware. 10 Tips for Great Telephoto Pictures
10. Art...this could have 100 subtitles I think but just saying you are an artist makes you more interesting. Quick Beginners Guide for Drawing
11. Sewing...make a quilt or sew a dish rag. Get the machine out and sew like crazy. 40 Sewing Hacks You Should Know
12. Embroidery...the world is waiting for your next tablecloth or wall hanging. 19 Artists Creatively Pushing the Boundaries of Embroidery
13. Upcycle...If you buy an old something and redecorate it, the world is your apple. Ideas for Upcycling?
14. Learn to Play Golf...that will keep you busy for at least 20 years. Online Golf Video
15. Golf...if you have alway golfed, take lessons and find out how wrong you have doing it all these years. How to find a Golf Instructor
16. Write a blog...join Blogspot, set up a blog and learn about that wonderful world of people you did not even know existed. How to Start a blog...2023
17. Learn to write computer programs...it might be fun and not that hard. How to Start to Learn Computer Programing
18. Buy a new computer...if you are a PC user buy an Apple. You will have a whole new way to entertain yourself. Buy a book: Apple for Seniors
19. Volunteer to do something totally out of your comfort zone. Dicovery Corp and traveling to volunteer.
20. Clean your house...over and over. A hobby worth doing. :) from Popular Mechanics (seriously) Fifteen Secrets to Cleaning you House in Half the Time I would never had thought to look for this information in the PM magazine...how about you?
21. 
    

Do you have a unique hobby?

Have fun.

Here are some others:

20+ Hobbies: Slightly Dangerous and Weird

How important is your hobby?

You Don't Need to be Bored in Retirement: Hobbies

That's How It Goes...Retirement Life

Texas

Mexico

Spain

Arizona Park Model

Shanghai China

My husband and I have been retired for 24 year...I know, how did that happen. For the last 16 years I have been writing about our life. All of those posts have been about travel, books, family and retirement. The first three are what we do. The last, RETIREMENT, is about our lifestyle. I have been selling "Retiring in Style", you know, living well no matter what you have or where you live. If you haven't bought in to the concept, you really should. Life is good.

Have things changed a lot? In 24 years? You can bet your life it has. In past posts I have written about stages of retirement and all that involves. From the first day my husband and I have been working through it. Thankfully, change is in our DNA.

It has been said that retirement is the third act of life and, if you desire, you can choose to find a new career or learn new things. That is so true but it isn't the big picture, the one that shows the patterns that older human beings follow in their old age.

I am sure that some anthropologist has written a thesis on this subject. I am just that person that lives out here in life, walking around with my feet on the ground. All I can speak to is what has happen in our stylish retirement.

In the very beginning, was filled with our children and grandchildren and all that a grandchild demands. 

We moved from one side of our state to the other so we could be closer to our family. That is I wanted...I am still not so sure that my husband wanted that but still...we settled for what we could do. It was good.

The adjustment to retirement didn't come easy. We were restless and bickered constantly. The rainbow that hung over our parade also had some pretty cloudy days. We just hung on for dear life.

When we did travel, I could hardly wait to get back home and my husband kept saying that he could stay gone forever. He waited until I worked out a way to stay away. 

I convinced myself that it was best for our children and their children. Phrases like "I let they learn to fly on their own." came out of my mouth. The truth is all three of our children are well educated and I think they did not regret it when we left town.  It was a good break for us all. At least, that is the way I would have felt at their age. 

Actually, as we grew older our income increased. Medicare and Social Security coupled with a very good retirement plan worked. We saved when we could, did without when we needed to and as we aged, our needs changed. 

We discovered the RV lifestyle and owned several different types. A resort for RVs became our winter home and we gradually turned into experienced snowbirds.

Life in a resort is very like going to college. A feeling of youthfulness returns. Because or our life choices, I really had never experienced being a young adult. I went directly from my home to being a wife and mother (with a college education thrown in). Life was busy and fill with responsibility.

When we were in the resort I just went back to those youth filled days and got it out of my system. We made friends, golfed, partied and danced (a lot). It was so much fun and I think we both have happy memories of those day.

THEN something happened...it was like growing up for me. My husband and I both knew that the resort lifestyle had worn itself out and we need to move on.

We had owned RVs and later a park model that we restored. We saw that, unlike what we had expected at our age (80 and 76), we were still very much alive and healthy. Work actually made us happy and improved our health. We moved out of the resort and bought a townhouse. 

After restoring the small townhouse, we sold it for a profit and bought a 4 bedroom home on a golf course. 

We actually have come full circle. An original dream was to have space so our children and grandchildren could spend time with us in the desert. Finally, we can have the whole family come to play with us.

Lately I have begun writing about that 4th act of life where age sneaks up on you. This stage is not a repeat of the other three at all. I don't know if I can explain. I am content to be where I am no matter where that is. I no longer yearn for things like I once did. I am quieter and softer than I was when I was younger. We are very lucky to be here to enjoy it all and are grateful each and every day. 

And, I like it a lot!

Thank you for reading and come back soon.

Let me know...how is your life unfolding?

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If you click on the tags you should see more posts on related subjects.

A Helpful Hint...if you click on a label under this post, you will be taken to other posts on the same subject. 

Snowbird Lifestyle: A Retiree's List for a Successful Retirement

 I have been retired for over 24 years. If I were to tell you that my life is just the same as it was in the beginning, I would not be telling the truth. Change will happen even if you don't like it. Thankfully, I do.

My husband and I retired when I was 55 and he 59. We are very young. It was not until we had been on this journey for 10 years that I began to understand how long we might live. We are now 79 and 83.

That was when I began buying the good paint for the walls and taking care of my body. I had been getting the cheapest paint possible saying, "It will last longer than I will." Then it came time to paint again and all I could think was shoot...I don't want to paint this place again. The solution was at that time...lets move. We don't think that way anymore. We repaint and stay put in Oregon. Arizona has turned out to be a different story.

As for my body, I have only recently began an exercise program. I am diabetic and have high cholesterol. Honestly, there are rules about taking care of stuff...especially when it comes to our health. Grow Young Fitness is my go to program.

Then there are retirement financial issues. Back in the day financial people wanted to write on my blog and tell old people about money/investments and long term nursing home care. It seems that there were lots of rules. Actually, it is not rocket science and we do follow rules. (see below)

Arizona Sunset

The fact is, when you retire young, you may struggle figuring out money matters. But when you turn 62 and get Social Security and 65 and get Medicare, you find that you have more money than ever. On top of that, if you are retired for a while, you will begin to grow up. You won't feel the need to squander all that you have saved or earned. It is a rule because it is simply the truth.

We have gone from a 1) motor home for travel 2) to a park model in a RV resort 3) to a townhouse and 4) now a single family dwelling on a golf course...all as our second home. Each one was sold as we bought the next place to spend our winters. We have never given up our home in Oregon even though we are living 6 month a year in Arizona. 

But in order to do that we have actually followed some rules:

1. Before we retired, we did not spend more than we had and saved in our retirement system and in a mutual fund account. If we had lived on the company's dime, (free travel, a company car or even housing allowance) we would have known that we would have to downgrade. Living that lifestyle may not be possible.
2. We still do not spend more than we have.
3. We pay off any credit cards we have monthly. We charge anything we can because...
4. We use the benefit of the pay back on credit cards to buy airline tickets.
5. A life of hard work and dedication to outside activities (golf, walking, etc) as well as exercise is paying off.
6. The climate in Arizona gives us a better balanced/healthier lifestyle that just staying in Oregon would have.
7. We socialize and have many friends. That is so important to mental health. Isolation is a killer.
8. We both challenge ourselves by reading good books and doing puzzles.
9. Television is a life saver in retirement.
10. We carry sufficient supplemental insurance to cover dental, health care and even hearing aids. This may be a sacrifice for some but it is a necessary part of a retiree's life. It is hard to pay for golf when you need teeth replaced/filled/bridged! KEEP YOUR PRIORITIES IN ORDER.

Tomorrow: How we bought a second home. Tune in.

If you have any thoughts about Retiring in Style Too, let me know!

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Making it Up!

See the deal is I am 78 years old...I say that a lot because wrapping my mind around the reality of being a little bit old is just not happening. There you have it.

My husband was talking about a study he had read about on how people react to their age. It was a long study of a small group of people that are all dead now. Everyone of those people were content to let go but worried about their children being sad..all but one.

That one man that  I could relate to was not ready to die at 95 because he had stuff to do! He was a creative person that still had not lost the desire and will to create. I liked that a lot.

I suppose living a very long life can be boring in some ways. How many times do you get up in the morning and repeat the same routine day after day and finally think ENOUGH! I understand.

Still, if there is anything we can do to get us over the hump, I am very interested...not just for myself but for you too. That is where Kathy Gottberg comes in. She and her husband are very conscious of what there 365 days a year in our life is like and write a blog called Smart Living 365. Today they were launching a new VLOG on YouTube that captured my attention. The subject was the new year and what we can do to make 2020 a good year for you and me.

The first section was about making it up. Kathy pointed out that we get to make our life up each and every day. We get to decide what our attitudes will be. Life will, in fact, turn out the way you predict it will. I have always believed that in our lives it is not what happens but how you respond to that "what".

We also get to decide what to do each day...escaping the routine and even the boredom. Think about it. What if you just went to the library instead of sitting down at your computer and maybe even stopped in to a coffee house and had a coffee...at a table and talked to other people. Life is interesting is you take a look around.

Making it up was only the beginning. And there was so much more. I really don't want to tell it all. Please go over and listen...you will not regret it. After all, if we do not embrace change and challenges, our ship is sunk. 

Thank you Kathy.

What kind of a day did you create for yourself today?

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The Little Black Dot

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Published back in 2013...still relevant:

If you look at the page of life after retirement, be sure to look past that little black dot. The whole world waits for you.

In a post I wrote several year ago called How To Be A Snowbird I talked about how you can find a way to load up the bare essentials and travels south to escape the cold, dreary and wet/snowy north. People around the world that can afford it do this every year. Even those people that live in the southern hemisphere probably look for warmth during their winters.

In an inspirational blog post put up back in 2012 the black dot appeared in a story told by "Steven" on a website called Motivation.  In the story, a group needing to see a bigger future for their community was inspired by a simple black dot in the middle of a blank piece of paper.

During her presentation, the speaker took a large piece of white paper and made a small black dot at the center with a marking pen. Then she held the paper up before the group and asked them what they saw.

One person quickly replied, “I see a black dot.”

“Okay, what else do you see?”

Others joined in agreement: “A black dot.”

“Don’t you see anything besides the dot?” – she asked.

A resounding “No” came from the audience.

“What about the sheet of paper?” – asked the speaker. “I am sure you have all seen it”, she said, “But you have chosen to overlook it.”

“In life, we also tend to overlook and take for granted many wonderful things that we have or happen around us and focus our attention and energy on [the] small dot...."

When we retire our options are open to us like they have never been before in our life. We are not tied to a place on the face of the earth because of a job. Our children are grown and truly need to live a life free of us for at least part of every year. And all of us have dreamed of what we would do if we had that freedom. Admit it, on those days when the job drove you crazy or your responsibilities as a parent seemed overwhelming, you dreamed of a kind of freedom that was impossible at that time.

The dream is there and yet many of us focus on the black dot in the middle of our page in life and forget to even glance at the blank page and it's possibilities. It is right in front of our face.

I hear women say they cannot leave their grandchildren.

Men will immediate take up a volunteer life or get so involved with a hobby that they forget to find a way to include their spouse in something they will both enjoy.

Many simply don't see the option as possible even though it can be affordable. They are afraid of change.

Their whole life is about the small black dot when a whole blank page is ready to be explored.

Being a snowbird is an opportunity to explore that blank page. As a retiree a person you can spend a little time here or there. If one day later in that stage of their life they decide to settle down, they will have experience and knowledge about that they can do.

I always keep a list of the options close at hand. My husband and I like change a lot and are not looking forward to a time when we are glued to the floor. Here are a few ideas that might help you spread your wings and try something new.

1. Buy a very small trailer that you can tow behind your car and go out and see our country. That is what we did first and I think it was one of our most valuable experiences. We learned that we were up for adventure and could take risks without harm.
2. Take advantage of a timeshare you have owned FOREVER and didn't use. Go to Mexico or the Caribbean or even South Carolina. 
3. Visit a location near to someone you know. They can show you the ropes. I know so many people that have done this and found a whole new life.
4. Consider your options and take a look at your finances to see what you could afford if you were to find a vacation home in the warmth of winter sunshine.
5. Keep in mind that very affordable yet simple living in places like Arizona are available. We have settled in a small old park model that we have turned into a doll house. It is so affordable that we can stay for 6 months in the desert AND travel. We own one car and drive back and forth from Oregon to Arizona and back.
6. Buy a Camper Life book and explore the options at campgrounds around the USA. Many, many have rentals in simple facilities that are wonderful.
7. Read, read, read. Travel books, blog posts and even websites that Lonely Planet give a window to the world and have all the information you need to make a dream vacation.
8. Always keep in mind facilities like AirBNB when you travel. You can stay in a house and get a feel for how real people live almost anyplace in the known world. I like that option a lot. Living like a tourist is a lot different than living like a local!
9. Explore options for hobbies that you had not thought of before. Who knows, you may love geocaching a lot.
10. If you love golfing, hiking or gardening in the north in the summer, remember traveling south makes those hobby possible year around. RV resort offer jewelry making, music group participation and theater groups for you admission to the park. Trust me, you will never run out of things to do.

    

    In my Oregon garden

So there you have a few. Don't focus on a dot in the middle of the page when the whole wide world is waiting for you.

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The Big Question?

Are you having fun?

I talked to a newly retired couple on Sunday. We were tasting wine here in Portland and sat down next to them. We visited about everything...life, travel, wine (of course) and retirement.

I found myself asking the question that every retiree gets...What do you do all day?

During their married life they had lived in Japan so there was that. I am hoping that they will find that to be an inspiration for more...more of everything.

They had only been retired since April and admittedly they were just figuring it out. The newness hadn't worn off.

I had a friend that actually began couponing back in the day when it was a big deal. He and a friend would spend hours finding coupons and then redeeming them. It made them happy and it made us laugh. It was fun for them.

Now I regret not asking, "Are you having fun?" How YOU have fun is all that matters.

So remember please

• Laugh
• Have fun
• Socialize
• Talk
• Learn new things
• Travel a little
• Try something new
• Set a goal
• Make life an adventure.

Have a wonderful day. What is your answer to "The Big Question?"

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When "The Big Dark" Comes To Town!

The Big Dark

I swore when my husband and I retired that we were not going to sit around for the rest of our lives talking about the weather...not me, not us, no way! Sigh!

Twenty-two years later the subject just keeps coming up over and over. Now it seems that all those things like weather-talk and having the newspaper read out loud to me have become a comfort zone of sorts. I did tell you that my husband likes to read out loud and I am the person that is suppose to be listening didn’t I? If I didn’t now you know.

So, this last week he noticed an article posted in the Seattle Times about "The Big Dark". He read it out loud to me so I know stuff. The Big Dark is that weather system that settles in over the Seattle each year about this time. Seattle is located on the Puget Sound waters and all their life Seattleites endure about 9 month of gray skies. That marine lawyer just will not go away!

Being the really nice guy that he is, he needed to share the news article with friends in the Seattle area and tease them a little about deciding to stay in the northwest until after Thanksgiving.

It worked because he Got Them...they have changed their plans and are coming to Arizona a month earlier. I may not listen to him but other people sure do!

Do you do Weather Talk?

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20 Awkward Steps to Our Happy Retirement or There Was Not a Guidebook

I first published this article back in June of 2014. A lot has changed.

• Two grandchildren are married and we have 2 great-grandchildren (both girls). 
• The cat disappeared on Halloween one year and we are not getting another. 
• We sold our park model in Tucson and moved into a townhouse last fall. 
• We bought a dream car...Mini Cooper is now in the Oregon house garage.
• We have two cars again and fly to Arizona in the fall and back to Oregon in the spring.
• We both still golf with friends and we joined a club in Tucson that we love. 
• I still blog but not as much as I did. My husband gets a little more of my attention. He had his 80 birthday last winter.  

The message is the same...change has kept us mentally young and healthy. Life is good!

Arizona Townhouse

Hillsboro Home

Remember that very first child...the one they let you take home without a guidebook or a test drive? Retirement is a bit like that. One day they just say "Good bye, good luck and let us know how that works out for you." It is probably one of the most challenging things you will ever do. Even enough money does not make it any easier.

Don't get me wrong, I love being retired but it has taken my husband and I 17 years to find smooth sailing. In that period of time we have invented and reinvented our lives so many times I have lost count. We love the adventure and I suppose that is why we have found ourselves changing direction so many times. If you just want to stay where you are and do what you have done all of your lives, it may be easier. I don't know how to talk about that. (Leave a comment to let me know.)

It seems to me the thing that has given us so much joy is the fact that we have never ever thought we had arrived at our "forever" place. We are a lot closer now but even so, we keep our options open. Here are the things we have done or considered doing:

1. We moved from rural Eastern Oregon to Portland a year after my husband and I retired. 
2. We bought a 4 bedroom home because we didn't know how to live in a smaller space.
3. We joined a country club and learned to play golf a little better. 
4. We moved from the 4 bedroom house with a big yard to a 2 bedroom condo with no yard and our youngest son moved back home.
5. I took up multi-media art and spend several years immersed in that form of creative projects.
6. We bought an RV and began to travel. Our youngest son took care of the condo and the cat.
7. Our youngest son married.
8. We made plans to sell our Oregon home and moving to the Southwest. The only thing that stopped us was the recession.
9. My husband and I played golf together when we traveled.
10. My husband found a mens group to golf with and I began spending more time at home.
11. I became the summer nanny for 2 of my grandchildren.
12. I began blogging and abandoned the art.
13. We traveled for 3 months to begin with and later stayed away for 4-5 months.
14. We sold and bought several RVs.
15. We bought a park model in Tucson and moved into it for the winters. The RV was gone forever (maybe).
16. We sold that park model and moved to a better location in the same RV resort.
17. We moved from our condo in Oregon into a 55+ community near our daughter. We had a yard again.
18. We became a one car family.
19. We plan to fly back and forth to Arizona one year soon.
20. Now we stay 6 months in Oregon and 6 in Arizona. The cat travels with us.

We love the lifestyle we have now. My husband still golfs with the guys. Five of our 12 grandchildren are grown. One granddaughters will marry in September. I have a beautiful flower garden that gives me great joy. Blogging gives me an outlet and I still have a wonderful time doing artwork with my younger grandchildren.

Is there a guide book for any of this? I would never have dreamed that we would have changed our directions that many times. I don't think any book could have guided us through all those changes. I could write a great book that gave the reader a general idea of what they were in for but I could not lead them. One of the central issues in the retirement like mine is actually living full time with your spouse and finding a way to compromise your way through life. Compromise the the key. The "how" is entirely up to you.

I would be interested in having you add your thought about your retirement list in the comments. How is it working out for you?

Oh, and do stay tuned...it is not over yet!

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Retirement: The Professional Woman's Approach vs the Rest of Us

Mt. St Helens blew up...don't let your retirement do that!

I have friends that were professional women all of their adult life. Some took only the minimal time when their children were born and others took some real time off. But all of those women out of necessity or by design went back to work very soon. It was the choice they and their families made.

My world did not go that way. I was a stay at home mom that worked just enough to get us through those time when we needed extra money. My life was what a lot of women see as a lifetime of retirement. Even though I "worked" very hard at the job of life I was not in the workplace with small vacations and very little down time.

Today I was reading a blog post that Kathy over at Smart Living 365 titled Navigating Transitions Before, During or in Retirement. The title lets you know that Kathy has some serious subject matter to cover.

A book she had read prompting her to write a review was called Retirement Transition—An Innovation Approach written by Patricia West Doyle. I thought as I read the article that I could have used something like this when we retired over 20 years ago. Like with the babies we brought home when we were young, there was no instruction manual. Either you figured it out...well you had to figure it out because there was no choice.

I have written several posts about retirement "how-to's" because I am living the life on the sunset side of retirement. You talk about it, I know what you are saying from experience. One that has gotten over 4000 hits is called How to be a Snowbird...answers and lists! Another that has been read to death is The Seven Stages of Retirement Grief. Those articles are for those of us that just didn't know what was going to happen and what to do with our lives when there was no job. We could have used a little retirement transition information.

In her article Kathy talked about doing some self examination. I personally loved the part about achievement. Her thought was that it was accomplishment that filled her with satisfaction. Finishing the job, or for me vacuuming or writing or even a walk around the blog fills me with a sense of satisfaction. Knowing that about myself and getting it down someplace would have been very valuable for me. I now see very clearly that a life without propose is no life at all. Knowing that is very important. Thank you Kathy for just that small part.

But there is so much more. I think you should go over to Smart Living 365 and read what she as to say. All of the blog posts are full of wonderful information and surprises.

Now I wonder...WHAT SURPRISED YOU ABOUT RETIREMENT or LIFE?

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tic toc tic toc

A couple of years ago  my husband decided to do something we had talked about for years but thought we were too old to do. Too late, too old, too bad...so sad!

Upon awakening from a dream I turned to my husband and he turned to me and said, "Well why not? We are not getting younger. And if we live for many more years, if we don't, we will not have done what we want AND we will just be ten years older! Very like the person that decides to finish college at 65, what difference does it make! I want to do it.

Have you ever done that?

Our decision was to move money from one piece of real estate and invest it in another...our very own fixer upper. At that time I was 74 and my husband was 78. Too old...? Well maybe.

As it turned out our dream was a blessing...and a lot of very hard work...but it was our dream so we just did it. There was really no financial risk and that was good. That is always our one caveat...we only spend what we can afford.

The little townhouse we bought is in Tucson. It was owned by an original owner, had not been updated much but the bones and systems were in good shape.

A friend of mine said when she walked through the semi finished product that for the first time in her life she was actually envious. It was the ultimate compliment.

She too was feeling the "tic toc tic toc". She will be 80 this winter and her husband is 5-6 years older than her. They just bought a much nicer town home near their golf course. Wow! Isn't that wonderful?

The question people is "How late is too late?" or "Is it ever too late?"

after

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before

before

salvaged bath...after

after

Senior Independent Living...7 stages of retirement "grief"!

I wrote this article back in 2014. My husband and I had been retired for 18 or so years. We had emerged from all of the angst and were enjoying ourselves no end...we still are. But, we did go through the stages of grief (in a positive way if that is possible). Now we love our time to travel, enjoy grandchildren and great grandchild. We now own two homes, one in Oregon and one in Arizona. Yes it is true that your financial life gets better as you age but that is another story.
All in all LIFE IS VERY GOOD!

Sapa, Viet Nam

Hanoi after dark

Grandchildren! I now have 13 and these are three youngest.
The oldest is 26ish. :)

Are there seven stages to recovery from the shock of retirement? Do we feel loss, pain, anger, depression and loneliness after which we turn upward, reconstruct our lives and then begin to live again? It very well could be.

I do know that when I talk to newly retired people there seems to be a pattern of behavior that each person feels is uniquely theirs. During the years of living in an RV Resort in the winter I rubble elbows with retirees for almost 12 years. Their stories are their own but the patterns they follow are similar. Here is what I saw and heard from those people:

1. Euphoria:  I remember saying that I was never getting up in the dark again. The euphoria of knowing my retirement benefits would support us for the rest of our lives and we need not fear unemployment left me walking on air. I think most people that retire feel this same emotion.
   
2. Denial:  Most of the people will say they are going to travel/read/take up a hobby when they retire.  Even though they have never done any of these things before, it just sounds right to them. I have always thought the "denial/escape" should be substituted for the word "travel/read/hobby" because that is what we are wanting to do. The idea of no responsibility is so appealing but we know we do not want to sit down to die. My husband and I have traveled around in the world since our retirement. It did not take us long to realize that the new was wearing off and money had to be taken into consideration. There was no escaping the fact that we were going to have to face a life spent in our home, day in and day out. Travel was not going to fill the void left when we quit working.
3. Pain of Uncertainty:  Now that the senior has figured out that there is no escaping their life the uncertainty settles in. Should they move to a smaller house, maybe near the children?  (We did that.) Or should they follow their dream and go to a foreign country or another part of the country to live? Could they find a way to own two homes so they can escape to warmer weather in the winter? All of the freedom leaves them with a nagging feeling that they could be doing better if only they moved...or something! 
4. Anger :  This part of the retirees response to retirement is a bit like a dog biting his leg off.  Spouses may turn on each other. Husband will move the furniture and tell the wife how to cook. The wife will watch her husbands every move, tell him what to wear or leave long lists of "honey do's".  Living near the children can cause tension between the spouses and between the parents and their children. Television station selection can even be a bone of contention. I can't crawl in another person's skin but I do know what I hear and this part can happen early on or after a honeymoon period of the retirement. They will feel angry and frustrated. Boundaries will need to be set in order for everyone to live together in peace.
5. Upheaval:  Many spouses have led separate lives but occupied the same space. Other have spent a lot of time together during their leisure time. This part of their lives can be a huge adjustment. In the first group, the amount of time they are together is almost overwhelming.  In the second case the expectation that retirement will provide more together time can be a problem. In both cases the man or woman's obsession with golfing, quilting, shopping etc. or the total lack of interest in anything can be a problem. In one case he/she never goes away. In the other he/she uses the hobby as a "job" replacement and even gathers up friends as though they are coworkers. The spouse left behind can be resentful. In my opinion some counseling may be necessary. Both men and women can have unrealistic expectations of their partners.  
6. Role Adjustment: Retirement really does change our married life in every way. Couple usually arrive at an unspoken agreement and their life goes on. We eventually spread the work of life out between us. My husband took over the household finances and began cooking more.  When he cooks, I clean up. I suppose that in the end we just learned to work out what needed to be done. It is so automatic now I never think about it.  
   
7. Acceptance and Realization:  After months or even years most retirees have worked it all out.  A routine is established and their life can be a very happy one. The day you realize that you would not have time to work even if you wanted is the best day of all. You have managed to fill your life with "life"! Congratulations.

Retirement is not easy. It is much like a rebirth of sorts.  But, on the other hand, it can be the best part of your life...after all you have worked hard, raised families and now it is your turn to decide.  I am having more fun all the time. Hopefully, you can come into this part of your life prepared both financial and emotionally...it will be so much easier that way.

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How Snow Birds Can Cut TV Costs Dramatically

I don't know about you but I love my TV. My husband can watch seasonal sports and I can watch those shows that I enjoy. We share a lot of interests so that is great!

When my husband and I move from North to South and then back again, the cable service has always been a problem. There was vacation service payments and extra boxes to return and purchase. It has cost us a lot of extra money over the years. The goal for the snowbird is to make the transition as seamless as possible.

So, yes we do love our TV BUT we resent the cost that cable companies and satellite dishes are charging. The cost is simply more than we want to pay. Many people cannot afford the fees. And cable has ceased to allow you too fast forward through the ads on recorded or On Demand shows. For many, the big cost was worth it as long as you had that advantage.

So my husband and I cut the cord completely. We do not have cable TV. Instead we have been using a streaming media player. We have both a Roku and a Firestick by Amazon. This leaves us free to pick what kind of streaming service we want. (Hulu or something like it is necessary to get most mainstream shows).

Best of all, we simply unplug the media players from our TV and take them along with their HDMI cords to our winter home. They are both very small. When we get to the new location we simply plug them in and do what the screen tells us to do to reconnect. The memory that we have stored on these services remains in place.

You will need:

1. Streaming service like DirectTVNow or Hula
2. A fast internet service. (we own two modems and wireless connectors.)
3. A streaming media player
4. A little bit of time to figure it all out.

Note: If you own an RV, you will need to figure that out. When we parked for the winter in one place we just paid for internet service.

We used DirectTVNow for over a year but things are changing with this kind of service. This last month we disconnect DirectTVNow. The service does not require a phone call to do that. We went online and disconnected. Most streaming services will allow you to do that. Then we signed up for another streaming service. It is a requirement because we cannot choose just the channels we want use individually...yet.

My son-in-law went with YouTube service. We decided to go with HULU Live TV.

HULU has all the same things as DirectTVNow and the cost is so much less...almost half as much for what we use. We opted to give HULU a try. I am loving it because it has shows that no one else has...Handmaids Tale for example. AND, if you want to pay a little extra, I think you can add no ad service to Hulu as well as unlimited screens. You could probably share this service with your family or friends. I have not tried it but noticed it in their information.

We also have Amazon Video which includes links to other services like Masterpiece, Britbox and Acorn. I see there may be others available.

We use our internet service a lot anyway so the speed of the internet is being paid for no matter what we do. Someday there will be a way to avoid that too. Here in Hillsboro a wireless internet service for everyone is becoming available but it not quite fast enough yet.

So, there you have it.

Questions anyone?

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Ultimate Guide: HOW TO BE A SNOW BIRD and do it right!

Our park model home in Arizona

Take the time to do it right...you will never regret it! Follow the links listed here and on the other posts. You will find a wealth of information.

Oregon

I am not here to burst your bubble but there are a few reality checks that need to be considered. I know...traveling off to warm weather in the winter, having two sets of friends and maybe a second home, sounds very luxurious. Golfing while your friends are mucking around on snow and ice would be soooooo dreamy. I want you to stop and think about what you might be doing. There are choices to be made

Arizona

We sat next to a couple from the east side of Portland this summer. They were approaching retirement age I guessed. We were talking about membership in the wine club at this particular tasting room when I told that we were gone for six month of the year so a membership might not work.

The man sat up suddenly interested. "You're snowbirds? How do you do that? We want to wander some but we really just do not know how." Do we sell our house here and move? Can we afford to keep both places? How do we decide?

That is where I come in. I can help you if you are feeling the same way. I wish there had been someone like me when we retired. Truly it was a mystery. We had no idea what was possible and what was not.

If you want to travel from resort to resort you can do that. If you want to work and travel, that is possible too. I have known people that worked in the resort they were staying. Another person worked at the local golf course. Some go back to school and one man I know because a tax consultant. You can figure it out. If you are just looking for a place to build a nest, you can do that.

Try it out first! I cannot emphasize how important that is. When you are first retired things look different that what they will in a while after. Go to the place you think you would like, take a short vacation and get the feel for the location. Being a snowbird requires some doing and I think making a choice about the life style can be a process. Just look around and make yourself sure that is what you want.

If you decide where and when,  I suppose the first consideration is money. Inexpensive second homes can be had but you need to be careful before you leap. (Link: Rental information) Areas that cater to snowbirds both in the southwest and southeast do provide opportunities to rent fully furnished apartments or park models in RV resorts.

You will need to do some research online or even call a rental agent in the place you have chosen to visit. It is all very doable. ( Inexpensive Retirement Information)

RV resorts offer a lot of activities and that is a real consideration when you have free time on your hands. You can rent the park models* in these places. This is another choice that might replace living in an apartment.

Will I Miss my Grandchildren? I think the answer for this one is obvious. Yes, you might miss your family. It is a given. But on the upside, your family dynamic may be better when you are gone for a while.

When we started this life my children actually needed for me to be out of town for part of the year. I got a break from babies, my children became more independent and we enjoyed each others company more when we got back together. In fact, they now see us coming home as a vacation of sorts for themselves.

If you have children that live in a warm place, you can choose to live part of your year close to one child and part of the year near the other. If you get lonesome for them, you can talk on Skype, or use your smart phone, iPad or computer for Face Time or even use video via your Facebook account. This is our link to home or where ever our children are at anytime.

Where should I go and can I afford it? This is such a personal thing...we chose a human comfort zone. Really the geographic location is not as important as the people around me. For example, if I won the lottery, I would not be comfortable living in a high roller apartment in Las Vegas. That is not who I am. While this is an outrageous example, it is absolutely the truth.

If you are a very educated person that loves the opera and expensive restaurants, you need to find a place where those people that live around you love the same things. If golfing or cards help you pass the time, there are a lot of opportunities to connect with those people in a resort. If the pool is important, you need to find someplace that has a heated pool. Even in the southwest it is winter and the days can be chilly. (Link: Like Minded People)

But, what you are really here for is to find out if you can actually afford this life style. It is a given that traveling in a motor home big or small is initially going to be more expensive than buying a park model in a resort. Because snowbirds have been around for a long time, those that are either aging or simply moving will sell these small homes for lower than you will imagine. A price of $10,000 to $20,000 is not that unusual.

How much it will cost to rent the property where the park model is depends on that you expect:

...beautiful vistas and enticing amenities come at a price, and it’s not cheap. Rates vary widely depending on location, season, and how far in advance you book it. For an in-season rental, rates usually start anywhere from $70 to $100+ per night. In addition, many luxury motorhome parks have a minimum stay requirement. A week-long stay at even the most basic luxury RV park could cost $1,000 or more. (From RVShare.com) 

You can get a space for less but be aware that very old unmaintained resorts can be tacky. It depends on your level of "luxury". Mom and Pop may be fun and really nice but the location counts as well as the amenities.

You also need to know that a nice resort is not going to let you come if you don't fulfill their appearance/length requirements. Still don't be frightened by the prices quoted above. Check with places like Rincon RV Resort Country in Tucson. Rincon Country has two resorts in Tucson. Here is their 2019 rate schedule. I would also check with Voyager RV. That resort is beautiful. I could not find a price schedule for them so you will have to contact the resort either online or personally.

How to Snowbird We are leaving for Tucson soon...here is where we get down to the nitty gritty of being a part time person in two locations. Think about:

• How long to stay gone? We are living about 6 months in both of our homes. That is a personal choice and one we have settled on after all these years. We began by traveling in a motor home, bought a park model in a resort in Tucson, AZ and now have a small townhouse. We live in the Portland Oregon metro area and have been Oregonians all our lives. It rains a lot here and we like to avoid as much of that as we can and still enjoy our beautiful location.
• Should I fly or drive? After people have done this for many years they usually buy a clunker car and simply fly to their winter home. Really this depends on whether you are coming to Arizona from Nova Scotia or from Oregon. Some drives are just not worth the time and expense. Our friends put the car on blocks, disconnect the battery, find a spot in the shade for the vehicle and leave it behind. The worse that can happen is it is stolen or the rats gnaw on the electrical wires! But if it is an insured clunker, you are fine. (Rats are another thing entirely but still you need to be aware of any varmints that lurk about...FYI.)
• Should I rent out my home while I am gone? Let me tell you if this is possible and you can find someone you trust, do this. Most of your other dilemmas don't exist when you do this. We have had students live in our house and rented it out. In both cases it was a win/win situation. The extra cash in the case of renting can pay for your time in the south! The minor clean ups and damage were nothing compared to what we need to do when no one is in the house. The best part is the "closing the house up" part just disappears.

How do I switch from one life to another? There is an extensive list of to-dos when you close your house down and switch to a different life. Many of things mentioned in this will save you money that can be used while you are gone from home. This is a list worth copying:

1. Mail...the post office with forward mail with a beginning and ending date. If you are in one location, this works perfectly. If you are on the road you can have a family member forward you mail occasionally or you can have your mail forwarded to a service and they will take care of this for you.
2. Turning off the water if possible. This is one big bill you do not pay if you do that. If you turn off your water you also need to turn off your water heater. The tank could burn up without water. Some heating systems are dependent on the water. Can you turn your heat off and not have big freezing problems? Draining pipes might be necessary if you are from the frozen north! No matter what, keep in mind what water can do. If you cannot turn it off, have someone check you home frequently. Water damage is a horrible thing and it happens a lot! (Yes we did have that happen to us.)
3. Have the insurance for you second car changed...this can save you a lot of money. The insurance company will reduce the cost for you if you have the car in storage. The coverage is comprehensive so if another person drives that car check with insurance companies to see if their insurance covers the car while they are driving it. Cutting the cost for car insurance for six months out of the year saves you money. 
4. Keeping the bad guys out...I know people that turned on an alarm system and walked away feeling very secure. I still advice you to be very careful. We have someone check in occasionally and ask neighbors to be watchful too. We leave our phone number as well as our local family's number with them.
5. Make your home look lived in when it is not...(see keeping the bad guys out). Be sure that some delivery person is not leaving unwanted ads at your front door. Piled up newspaper ads are an invitation to trouble. I suggest that you have a neighbor clear these away. I hate those things anyway but it happens. The local pizza parlor has to advertise somehow I guess. Leave the blinds partially cracked and leave a plant by the front door that will survive through the winter. You can even hang a generic wreath on the front door that looks welcoming. All these things make your house look lived in. I see that timers for lights do not cause fires so you might consider using some of those.
6. Make choices about turning off garbage, TV, internet, phone service, etc. Most of these services have a "vacation/hibernation" setting. That means that they don't disconnect you entirely and all you need to do when you return is give them a call and they turn your service back on. Your garbage can, TV cable box (if you still use one) and your modem for internet hook-up can remain in place. You might have to pay a small fee but it could be cheaper that paying to have services reconnected. This also gives you the option of coming home for a short period of time or letting a friend/relative use the home and having the services needed. We come home at Christmas and have our internet, garbage and TV turned back on for that short period of time. You make the choice. I have written about what I think is a wonderful solution for reducing cable cost in a post called How Snow Birds Can Cut RV Cable Costs.
7. Decide on a wardrobe. It has taken me years to learn what to take with me and what to leave behind. If you are a total newbie, check on the temperatures during the months you are going to be in a locality. Arizona for example, is NOT hot in the winter. Locals and experienced snowbirds do not dress like it is 90 degree when the temperature rises to the mid 60's during the day. You will need sweaters, longer pants and a jacket in the evening hours. Pay attention to this sort of thing when you pack for your trip. I know we all dream of warm winter days but in this case it is all relative. Warm in the winter is 65 degrees but compared to say Iowa that is really warm. See what I mean?
8. If you leave the electricity on, UNPLUG EVERYTHING that can be disconnected. Just because.
9. Then there is the cat!!! Our cat was a real part of our life...however, the RV resort where we spend our winters before we moved to a townhome would not allow a cat outside the park model. (See making snowbird location choices.) Because our cat was a feral cat when we found him in Texas, he would NOT stay indoors all the time. 

So, there you have it. Actually, when you think about it, the benefits far outweigh the problems. I hope this reality check helped you make the decision that will work best for you. If you have any further question or ideas, feel free to comment and I will get back to you. I love comments and I am sure you love answers!

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*A park model is a small trailer with all the same amenities as a big trailer. Our park model was about 12' wide and 34' long. We had added a room to the side that we call an "Arizona Room". That space provides storage and utility space. We also have a shed where our washer and dryer was stored as well as my husband's work bench.

Related articles

Tucson for Snowbirds...a season at a glance! (retireinstyleblog.com)

Is being a snowbird right for you? An Interview with me by Satisfying Retirement Blog (retireinstyleblog.com)

How to choose the right RV park! (retireinstyleblog.com)

(Link: Keeping Retirees Connected)

How Snowbirds Can Cut TV Costs