Secrets: Did Grandma Spill the Bean?

This Grandma is not spilling the beans!

I was having dinner with my daughter and her friends the other evening and the issue of Grandma Spilling the Beans came up in the conversation. What do I mean by that? Well it seems that some grandparents find it necessary to tell their grandchildren about their parents misdeeds as teens or even as young children. Why would they do that? the young parents asked. We don't want our children think that just because we were stupid they can be too. I could see why they were upset.

One of the grandchildren had been caught driving with younger people in the car before it was legal. When asked why they thought it was okay to do that, the response was that "all the kids sorta ignored that rule". The grandmother that was having the conversation snickered and proceeded to tell all their dad's misdeeds, what trouble he was in and how simply driving with a young person in the car seemed pretty minor in comparison.

Now, I am sure that you would never do that but think about it...aren't you just a little tempted to tell the grandchildren about their mom and dad and how they behaved when they were 5 or 10 or 16? Here is where I warn you to be very careful. Only hold your children up as good role models for their children.

My mother told my children that my husband and I were married when I was 19. While I was not ashamed of it, I didn't want my children to think that getting married at a very young age was a good idea. My husband and I were lucky but a lot of people aren't. I wanted them to get an education and become secure before they took that leap. I would have preferred to share that part of my life when they were adults.

Telling grandchildren about a DUI their father had when he was 17 is not information they need...it opens the window a crack for the idea that it may be okay to drink and drive. The same applies to other pranks or mishaps. That is not information that is yours to share. In fact I would even warn you not to share information on the lack of interest in school. Telling these children that the mom or dad failed in Math is not a good idea.

So, I am just saying. Don't spill the beans all over everyone. It just makes a mess!

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Linking to Our Teens...when the grandparents are Cool!

HIPSTERS? DIG THOSE PATRIOTIC SHIRTS!

Really, I had no idea why my 15 year old granddaughter kept on taking off with my stuff or admiring my clothes. I just thought she was really nice. It turns out she is an emerging Hipster. In fact, if she is any indication, young people today might be over the wow of having EVERYTHING new and digital. They are following the latest trend and that trend is everything old is new again!

Nats Park Rally Cap (Photo credit: Kevin H.)

My husband and I are watching the second generation of young people in our family grow up. The oldest is 22 and the youngest is 6 months. They are a generation apart and the world the oldest grew up in has changed. When the oldest was a preschooler, the new computer was what everyone wanted. Everyone was trying to get that small child involved in a world the adults really didn't understand. Now all those things are old hat. Almost every child in the family has an ipad or smart pad, cell phone...of their very own! They are explaining it all to us!

So what do they yearn for? The 9 year old wants an old fashioned typewriter and a Polaroid camera. The boys are looking for the "vintage" baseball hats from 1990...you know, the ones with the bills turned up. The granddaughter I have talked about before covets my sweaters and would take them all if I just gave them to her. She really wants my Toms shoes because I wear them and therefore they must be "vintage" too.

If you are a grandparent, you are now very cool. We all hoped it would happen one day and that day is now!

Just a thought.

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Christmas: 8 Lessons for Beginning Grandparents

Do you remember your first Christmas with your new baby all those years ago? I do. I was very young and it was important to me that we spend that Christmas with my parents. I was not thinking of my child at that time or even how much my parents loved being with us to watch their grandchildren. I did not know how important it was to them.

But now...now I am on the other end of the grandparenting. In fact I have been a grandmother for 20 years now. I have no idea if my husband and I are good in this role but we certainly have a lot of experience.  I thought I would share some lessons reflecting what we have learned and maybe you can find something that will help you.

1. Tradition is very important. My husband always teased his grandchildren with the "piece of coal" in their stockings story. Then we taught them that even a rock can be a treasured gift. When I vist them in their home, I find the rocks somewhere in their room or toys. I don't know why but them love them. Everyone can give a rock...the gift doesn't have to be big
2. My husband and I are not responsible for Santa Claus or big gifts. We can't be! In fact, we did not assume that role even in the beginning. I always thought it would be intrusive for us to take that fun away from my children. We are not the center of the grandchildren's world.
3. We don't compete with the other grandparents. In fact we only rejoice for what the other grandparents can give and do our own thing.  We have a good relationship with the other grandparents. We respect, love and appreciate the other grandparents.
4. Children love little gifts of money...but I have learned to be careful about what we can give. Sometimes a little money is more fun that a lot. Ten dollar bills is a lot of money when you hold it in your hand. Remember, the dollar store is one of the best destinations for a little person. Money should not be made into a big thing.
5. We PARTICIPATE in the big gifts for grandchildren. This helps their parents too. Many times there is a need to be filled that can be turned into a gift. We love to contribute to those things. We can help the parents feel good about what they can do.
6. It is fun to give a gift that teaches a lesson. Gift cards for Amazon, etc are a good value.  One of my grandsons has hoarded his, figured out that he gets free shipping if he has several item and still talks about the card.That one was a real winner. I sent it to his email account at the last minute. We can be teachers without making a big fuss.
7. I have learned that Grandchildren may not say thank you, at least not right away and then not in writing. We learned to be patient.  
8. Finally, Christmas should be fun...that is the beautiful thing about it. Grandchildren want you to join in and have fun too. Embrace the quirkiness of your family tradition, enjoy the time and be sure to give a little prayer of thanks. Even the simplest of traditions are what binds a family together.

Have a great day!

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What do you call a party with Ladybugs and Sidewalk Chalk?

The perfect summer evening gathering for grandchildren and their parents always includes the word party!  You can serve a boiled egg and call it a chicken party.  You are golden.  So I say "Grandpa and I are having a party...come on over!"  The evening instantly become magical.

Ladybug House...purchases at Saturday Market
How to Build a Ladybug Habitat on Squido

After the Ladybugs have been released into the home that
has been soaked in water.

Granddaughter playing with the Ladybugs.

Now I need sidewalk chalk (we already have a pair of 3-d glasses so any old colored chalk will work), Ladybugs and a party name! Maybe you have some ideas because I am plum out of ideas today.

Colored chalk and charcoal make the perfect
Ladybug Art!

Oh, and do you know where I can find some Ladybugs?  They seem to be very illusive and I somehow don't think they will come and live in my pretty little house unless I invite them specifically.  Maybe I should give a ladybug party!  Hmmmmmm!

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On Raising Daughters...Where Do Grandparents Fit In?

I just finished reading and article my son wrote for the organization he works for in China...he is a school administrator.  The words revolved around raising girls and what a daunting task that is. Even in this day and age it is assumed that boys will be fine but girls...well they will have to work harder and longer to arrive at the same place.

The article began with this paragraph:

From the moment our children are born till the day they leave the house and strike out on their own, it is amazing to observe how they grow, learn, and develop into adults. As a father of two daughters this process scares me to death, but I do want to have strong, independent, and creative daughters! A Father's Role in Raising Amazing Daughter

I loved that turn of phrase strong, independent and creative daughters! Isn't that what we all wish for our children both boys and girls?  But that is not the point...the point is how we go about doing that.  How do parents raise daughter and sons that believe in themselves and believe that nothing is impossible.  Can we help them believe that somethings are harder than other but nothing is impossible?  That the impossible just takes a little longer? 


This article cites Michael Mitchell and a piece he wrote called  “50 Rules for Dads of Daughters”. We as grandparents and parents can learn so much from both of these men.  I know we are suppose to be leaning toward a genderless society but sometimes it is worth our time to think about our children as individuals and as boys or girls.  That is what I am asking you to do today.  It does take a village to raise our children and the whole family can be involved and influential.

Andrew and Amelia, age 4, getting ready
to snorkel in the Viet Nam...a little afraid but prepared!

That is where we as grandparents come into the picture.  My son mentioned me telling stories about my mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and great-grandmother. Each of these women were strong but in different ways.  The way they were all the same though was that they all did the "impossible" and did it with grace and style.  I know that their influence in my life was profound and I never stopped talking about them.  They were held up as an example for my children and now, they are still doing their magic for my grandchildren.


In parallel to these stories about the women were stories about the men, equally as amazing and heroic.  These people too inspired through their honesty, courage and tenacity.  


Think if I had never told my children the stories of their heritage...wouldn't that have been a shame. In the article he talks about how he "was brought up to both admire and respect the powerful role that women have had in my life and in the history of my family. It is that powerful and important presence that I wish to build up in my own daughters."  


So, grandparents or aunts/uncles, tell your family stories.  Tell about how individuals fixed what could not be fixed or had the courage to admit failure when the impossible turned out to be just that. Find ways to convey to your family how they can  make their lives work in the face of loss or financial difficulty.  Do it with stories that set an example.  I don't think that my family was extraordinary in anyway.  Everyone has stories to share and marvel at.


Strong parents do raise strong children.  In the case of my granddaughters, I think that is very cool that they have grandmothers and aunts on both sides of their family to emulate.  At the days end it will make them better people.


Be sure to read the article written by Andrew Torris and Michael Mitchell for some wonderful guidance on the role of a father in a daughter's life.  We can all learn a lot from them.


Be well.


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