Have I Been Telling the Truth About Retirement?

I was thinking the other day about what how to describe retirement to my children. I know...they have seen it in action for almost 20 years so why would that be necessary? The thing is we may have not been letting them see what "really" goes on in our life. We don't want to be a burden or moan and groan  (oops). We may put on a good face for them. You know, just for show.

2015, 74 years old, blogger for 9+ years,
retired from a career in education since I was 55. I know retirement and
aging because I am living it!

It is hard for me to be totally honest about our life because I write a blog that talks about the positive side of life and that is the way my mind works. The truth of the matter is, I just don't think about the negative part a whole lot. It does not seem necessary.

So here goes some truths about retirement and aging that you will not hear from me very often:

1. You will get bored...really you will. If you're smart and active it won't happen very often but if you can figure out a way to avoid it let me know. Mind numbing boredom will happen!
2. You will fight with your spouse. Spending 24/7 together is not easy and even after our almost 20 years of retirement we are working on not making the other unhappy.
3. Money is an issue. If you are not careful, the list of wants can outnumber the list of "can affords" a whole lot. 
4. Spouses have different needs. Time spent "playing" can be a problem. Women may get very tied up in church volunteer work and the husband may not like spending day after day alone. Men can golf a lot with their friends. "Golf widows" really do exist.
5. Staying healthy is a real job and not for the faint of heart. Food, exercise and real medical issues can take a lot of time. My mother told me once the getting old is very time consuming. She was right.
6. If you live a very long time, things wear out...not you but things. The car, furniture, houses and even the yard. If you think that you can retire and then wear the same clothes you had on the day you retired for the rest of your life, you are not being realistic. If you don't keep your life and your personal appearance up to date, you are going to age a lot faster and you will look and act very old. 
7. Hanging out totally with old people can take it's toll. I need to be around young people often. My outlook simply doesn't fit in a lot of the time.
8. If you are a snowbird one or other of the partners will want to spend less time away. In my experience, women miss their grandchildren and want to go home before their husbands. I suppose it could work the other way around. 
9. Leaving a profession that requires a lot of brain work and losing that intellectual connection can be hard. I always tell you that it is an opportunity to make new friends and build a new life. But it can be hard to find someone that shares your interests. I know this for a fact because I want to talk about science and books and computer technology. My grandchildren are a great help. But in public I struggle. I simply don't fit. 

If you are like me your children may not realize that your life is NOT perfect in everyway. They will be surprised when you say you are bored or need help. Truly, they are surprised in the SURPRISE! kind of way. So you may be surprised that I have even said these things out loud. But, there you have it. 

If I have lead you to believe that life will be perfect or made you feel like a failure if it isn't, I was not being honest. I quoted the Wall Street Journal recently:

All that said, it’s important not to go overboard and expect an entirely positive experience of aging. The key is to hold both positive and negative in balance and really understand and own the aging process.

That my friends is the truth. It is a matter of looking at you glass and ALWAYS seeing it as half full!

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How Do YOU Feel About Aging?

Thoughts on How to Change How You Feel About Aging from an article in the Wall Street Journal By ANNE TERGESEN October 19, 2015

The link to this article was found in a Twit by Ali Davies (@ali_davies)

All those years ago when our country experienced a financial downturn, many people's dreams of retirement went up in smoke. The hopeful retiree began to see aging in a different light. Growing old without a chance to do all those things they dreamed of was depressing. I think their damaged vision of that stage in life may have been a self-fulling prophecy.

It was during that period that I read an article somewhere about how our money was going to go further as we aged. If we played our cards right in some way, things were not going to be as awful as the news predicted. Sometimes I wonder if anyone besides me read that piece. There was so much gloom and doom from every retirement adviser that the likelihood of growing old beautifully could not be seen. 

I think that in the end what we worry about is our money. All of the rest follows.

Aging is a scary prospect when you are 30 or 40 or 50 or even 60. Will one creep around bent over and limping? All that medication needed is expensive and with a retirement income, how will a person ever afford to take care of their aging bodies? Will you be alone, afraid and broke? It turns out that the younger you are, the worse it looks to you.

As a result, people have an image of what life will be that does not reflect how it will be. This last week the Wall Street Journal took a look that poor attitude toward being old and how it could change the course of aging. A person's attitude can make all the difference. Going into aging gloomy will indeed affect their health. Here is what the WSJ said:

Scientists are discovering something very peculiar about aging: How we feel about getting old matters. A lot. 

In test after test, researchers are finding that if we think about getting older in terms of decline or disability, our health likely will suffer. If, on the other hand, we see aging in terms of opportunity and growth, our bodies respond in kind.

So changing a thinking pattern could be the key to a happy old age. Isn't that interesting?

It turns out that people like me that have arrived at "old" are saying that it is not so bad after all. In fact, when the WSJ compared the retired person's sentiment about life in general with that of young people, the older people were more upbeat. Actually 63% felt that they were financially secure compared with 38% of those between the ages of 45-64. They had better social interaction, felt more secure and had more energy to get through the day than their younger counterparts.

Here is a screenshot from that article:

Could this possibly be true? Well if I am an example of what your life will be like, you will travel, be physically active, have enough money to buy what you want and your social community will expand. Let me explain.

Social:

When you leave your work life, you will find that your friendships are going to grow. You are going to meet people outside your profession. You will have time to grow those relationships into something that will give you comfort and strength. You are going to lead a more balanced life. 

Financial:

The article I read all those years ago pointed out that, as we age, we become more secure financially. First of all we actually want less. If we have done anything smart with our money, we will have enough to spend for daily needs with some left over for pure pleasure. We do not need to send children to school or college so we won't need to save as much. Medicare will help with insurance. You will probably downsize to a smaller less expensive home. You will be under less stress and have time to manage your money. 

I might add here that finding a way to do what you dream of as you go along helps a lot. Those that are waiting to start their life until after they retire actually may never get to start their life at all.

Physical:

If you are willing to be active, you are going to be surprised at what you can do. Honestly, I feel better than I did when I was 55. I went to Curves several years ago and found that I was not as old as I thought. I had just forgotten how to use my muscles like they should be used. I don't go to Curves now but I have not forgotten to wake up my muscles and get moving. 

2015 We traveled to Dubai to visit our son. 

We spent 5 days in Munich too.
We walked everywhere.

Do I have enough energy to get through the day? You bet I do. I walk over 1 hour as many days a week as I can. I garden, travel, entertain and generally keep myself on the move. It is not easy people! Who said it was going to be. If you want to grow old healthy and happy, you need to know that nothing is free. It is always going to be work but it is on our own terms. How it turns out is completely up to us!

In fact when people like me look in the mirror we feel younger than we look. All those bad things that young people expect are not happening in real life. 

The Journal article tells about techniques used to help change thought patterns, myths about aging and how to change stereotypical attitudes. 

You really should read it and get the full picture. Toward the end of the article the author put a thought forward that hit just the right note. She said:

All that said, it’s important not to go overboard and expect an entirely positive experience of aging. The key is to hold both positive and negative in balance and really understand and own the aging process.

...understand and own the aging process. Yes, a happy life truly is all about balance. Wouldn't you agree?

Just a thought.

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