Is it Possible to Find a Place on Earth that is Untouched?

Sapa Market...Sue Mae (oldest sister) and me (no bath, no hot water, no makeup)

There really are places you can go see the past. There may not be a McDonalds so you might not be able to get a burger. I am sure you will survive. But it is tricky. Did you see that 1000 people were lined up at base camp to climb Mt. Everest in the last few days of the climbing season? One thousand people dropping oxygen bottles and trash on the highest most remote mountain in the world! What was an adventure enjoyed by only a few has now become a tourist destination! It is getting hard to find places where the McDonalds culture has not evaded. But it can be done.

The New York Times featured at article in the Art and Design section about a region near Oaxaca, Mexico. A village close by has remained untouched by the modern world. The article was aptly titled The Past Has a Presence Here.

The past is visible in the landscape. The past casts a sharp shadow here, wherever you look. You see it on mountaintop plateaus, where the ruins of ancient pyramidal staircases and capital-I-shaped ball fields hint at mysterious rituals that disappeared over a millennium ago.

When you stand on a flattened hilltop above the village of Atzompa, some seven miles outside of Oaxaca, and look over at a nearby peak, you can glimpse the immense ruins of Monte Albán, a pre-Columbian plaza of breathtaking expanse used for ceremonies and games. Below those ruins, where perhaps 25,000 people lived in the early part of the first millennium, you can make out faint remnants of terraced farming on the hillside. New York Times, June 15, 2012

The Times article pointed out that even in this place the stalls in the market feature Sponge Bob Square Pants t-shirts. And yes, McDonalds came to Oaxaca in 2002. In this case, you must travel the 7 miles from Oazaca to Atzompa to escape the omni-present fast food business. The truth is, in order for a person to get a glimpse of what was, most humans must be left behind...a distant hill or village has to be the destination.

H'mong woman

When my husband and I visited Sapa, Vietnam this last winter, we could not believe our good fortune. The food was authentic and the only tourists we saw were trekkers. There was not a McDonalds in sight. We shopped in markets run by H'mong people that did not call Vietnam nor China home. They belonged to a culture of their own.  The H'mong women that were sent to town each week for a few days followed us relentlessly asking us to buy their trinkets. I was adopted by a woman named Jan. She trailed behind us like a puppy for a whole day. She could not read nor write. Western culture had not ruined her true nature. The face she showed us was one of a childlike innocence. She let us know that all the women talked about our family. My husband and I were a rarity because of our age.

When we were in Hanoi, the real Vietnam was still very much in evidence. Vendors began crowding the street to set up stalls at 5:30 a.m. so people that lived in that neighborhood could do their daily shopping. They brought the produce on their shoulders to the street balanced like a scale while riding bicycles. A loud speaker outside our bedroom window woke the neighborhood at 7:00 am with daily announcements. (Shades of Good Morning Vietnam with Robin Williams)

French Villa style setting.

Here again, the difficulty of getting to the place determined how authentic the places would be. We flew into Hanoi from Shanghai on a Vietnamese airline that was actually held together with duct tape on the interior.  The trip to Sapa required an overnight train ride and a bus ride north to a place at the foot of the Himalayas 40 kilometers from the Chinese border.  

Night Train...open windows?  WOW!

Cat Cat Village, Vietnam

A few French villas left from the times of the French colonization dotted the hillsides. The people in the country side lived as they has been living since heaven knows when.  But, in order for us to see that, we walked down stairs and paths that made the adrenaline rush as the thought that, if you fell, you would die flashed through the mind.  It was only then that we saw the H'mong people  living much like generations before.  

I suppose the lesson here is that the real cultures of the world are disappearing at the speed of light and, if we want to see something authentic, we need to dress in suitable clothes, bring a helmet in case you fall and wear good walking shoes.  It is not physically easy.

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I recommend you read Seth Kugel, of the NYT.  I especially recommend this article he wrote about Mexico.  

Picking a Spot, Any (Undiscovered) Spot, in Mexico

By SETH KUGEL

New York Times and Me: Dancing to Roy Orbison on Main Street

I wrote this post in 2012 and it did not get read back then. I think my readers now will appreciate a glimpse into life in a very small town. It is a response to an article Dave Berry wrote for the New York Times. Even after all this time, this is one of my favorite. Here is the comment I made in the Times all those years ago. Remember it was an election year so everyone was seeing ghosts of things past and what it all might mean in the future.

• Retire In Style Blog by Barbara
• Hillsboro, Oregon
Small town America simply refuses to die. It could be that it will take the death of the last of "breakfast club members" sitting in a small diner to end that rural community era.

In the meantime, retirees like me will continue to dance to Roy Orbison in the middle of main street and not fear for our lives. It is what it is!

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http://www.retireinstyleblog.com
• Oct. 18, 2012 at 5:34 a.m.

Dan Berry used to write a column at the New York Times called This Land. It was about the unremarkable corners of small and large towns. He looked at more than just the news...he talked about the people. Back in 2012 he wrote about Elyria, OHIO and the owner of a small diner in an article called "With a New Menu and a Makeover, a Promise to Keep Going". There was and maybe still is a small restaurant on a Middle Avenue in Elyria called Donna's Dinner. 

I've never been in Ohio but Donna's sounded just like the Main Street diner in every small town I have ever known. A place like that was where I stopped after school to have a coke with lemon or a maraschino cherry. That was over 50 years ago. Little restaurants in my home town have been closing and reopening over and over again since that time. Any given day could the the last day the restaurants will be able to stay open. One mistake and they are gone.

New York Time Interactive Page here

Life on Main Street in small town America never changes. Even in a very small town there are those people that see themselves as important and like to call the shoots while staying our of the line of fire. That is the Main Street I worked and lived near. They gave unsolicited advice and made decisions that were not their's to make.

In those places the "movers and shaker" met in their diner over coffee or pie both in the morning or afternoon. They call themselves "the breakfast club" in a lot of places. Politics and the high school football teams might be discussed. This is where coaches are fired, teachers gossiped about, and mayors demoted to figure heads. 

Communities are shaped in places like Donna's without the town ever realizing what is happening. The "breakfast club" always meets in a quiet back corner booth. Times will change but as long as small towns breed those that will participate in "breakfast clubs" the diners will be around. Only when the last of the morning breakfast club dies and people quit playing western music will that era be gone.  It may be next week or it may be never. Who knows?

The characters in the story by Berry written back in 2012 could have been my neighbors or gone to school in my husband's high school. The Grandmother's that were pregnant in their teens have grandchildren that are pregnant teens. High school ball players are still living off their high school glory, some burned out by drugs or damaged in some other ways. The banker, lawyers and judges don't stand on ceremony...people mix in the red vinyle clad booths. The only hope for these place with high unemployment is the community college or the satellite campus from a distant University. I am talking about Eastern Oregon but the New York Times was talking about Elyria, Ohio. It really doesn't make any difference. It is all the same.

In the end though, people like you and me, seasoned and experience, know that change is always happening. If we are smart, we will adapt and find a newer version of our home town just so we can feel at home. Lots of us will cling to the important things like good books and friendship and tolerance. We will promote education and dream that technology will only get better. But all that is good and bad in small town American will keep on going...day after day.

The last paragraph in the story segment called A Promise to Keep Going talks about an old fashioned car show on the main street Donna sponsored with her own money said it all:

“One more time for Donna,” the bandleader says. “She works very, very hard.” Then, chuckling, he says, “Now get off the stage.”

The band closes with some Roy Orbison. A fleet of American-made beauties start their engines. And Donna Dove steps down from the stage to melt back into Elyria. (A Promise to Keep Going, NYT, Oct. 17, 2012)

Don't we all...melt back in the streets of our hometowns? So here's to old cars and to dancing on Main Street to Roy Orbison until the end of time! And we should all wish Donna and her diner the best of luck.  She is going to need it.

Be well,

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Are You Sucking the Joy Out of Your Children Leaving the Nest?

This post is worth revisiting. September is here and children have or are leaving the nest for the first time. Are you celebrating their rite of passage or are you making it all about you. Read this and let me know.

I know I have written about almost every issue that Boomer parents deal with. Boomerang kids, downsizing, grandparenting and wrinkles...but I do not believe I have ever taken the time to say what I really think about Empty Nest Syndrome. Boomers going into a deep funk when their children grow up and leave the nest is something I have a hard time buying into.

It took a conversation with my daughter who will become a mother with grown children before long to make me face how I really felt. When I mentioned the fact that parents her age are having a hard time letting their children go, she just wrinkled her nose. She couldn't imagine. We share the life experience of leaving home to attend college. It was a wonderful time in our lives. I believe that neither of us would want to deny the next generation that same opportunities to find a life of their own. My parents did not want to give me any reason to think that growing up and moving on was not the best thing in the world. I did the same for my children.

So you can understand why I think the thing that is missing in the empty-nest conversation is the effects this trendy syndrome has on the growing children. In fact, I think that boomerang kids may be the fallout from parents bemoaning the child's independence in the first place.

But it is all the trend to talk about Empty Nesters and the burdens they must bear. The New York Times carried an article in their Style and Fashion section called Empty-Nest Book Hatchery. It was taking note of all the books coming out right now with "The Empty Nest" theme. In the article one author promoted the idea that previous generations were not focused on their children. I could only think that my generation must come off as a bunch of slackers in that book. I took exception to that notion with more emotion that I thought was possible. Here is a quote from that article:

“There is a huge difference between this generation and previous ones,” said Wendy Aronsson, a therapist in Greenwich, Conn., and the author of “Refeathering the Empty Nest: Life After the Children Leave.” Unlike their forebears, who cheerfully waved goodbye as their offspring headed into the world, “parents today are challenged because they are much more front and center in their children’s lives,” Ms. Aronsson said. “They approach their parenting as a career, regardless of whether they work outside the home.” from Empty-Nest Book Hatchery, NYT

Mother/Daughter Team

Really?  Really?

Later in the article another "expert author", Christie Mellor of Los Angeles, the author of “Fun Without Dick and Jane: Your Guide to a Delightfully Empty Nest", was quoted. She said:

“The next time an empty-nest expert suggests that you might be feeling lonely, sad and abandoned, run as fast as you can in the other direction,” she continued. “You’re not a bad parent because you’re excited about finally having your freedom.”

That is more where my generation fell in the scheme of things. But there was a reason...we rejoiced in our children's opportunities. It was not a given that child would go to college or even have a job and be able to leave the nest. We did not take that for granted and neither did our children.

From the child's perspective, the whole world was waiting to be explored. I even felt that way when I left the nest to go to college. I don't think my parents were unhappy and if they were, they did not tell me. Why should they? I would have had a hard time understanding how they could feel sad when I was so excited and happy.

What is missing in this discussion is the voice of the child...growing up and trying their wings for the first time. Why should any mother or father burden their child with the image of them pining away because the child has done exactly what they were reared to do...fly away? It doesn't seem fair to me. If the child were to be asked, I think they would tell their parents to grow up too. They are all starting a new stage in their life and that is the way it should be.

I might also add that if a child can go to college they are very privileged...there are so many that will never have that opportunity. Finding a job and moving out to become independent is a real accomplishment. Joining the military is an act of courage. I applaud the tenacity of young people today. Let's be happy for them...OK?

What do you think?

Related articles

• The Empty-Nest Book Hatchery - New York Times
• Empty Nest Financial Planning Checklist
• Ever wish your darling girl would move back home? Mine did and its all out war!

The Sound of Our Words...Are You Following Me?

This thought has just been wandering around in my mind for a while. How can we be sure that our readers hear the sound of our written words.

After my rant about the blog post I had read making fun of old people the other day, the author and I carried on a comment conversation concerning the sound of our words. The fact was, not knowing that person's writing style, I did not understand exactly what she was saying. It is one of the glitches that bloggers encounter every day. I suppose that is why we use all those smiley faces and parenthesis enclosed stage prompts to make sure that our readers understand. (Smile now.)

"Are you following me?" is one of those phrases that can be read a number of ways. For example, are you clicking the follow button in the sidebar or liking me on Facebook? (I like that a lot.) OR are you interested in my aging ideas and want to read more OR do you understand my message OR are you just a stalker that might figure out where I live and show up at my front door? Which is it? See, I cannot tell from the words you write unless you are very, very clear.

Once several years ago I responded to a Twitter message from TedInJest. He misread my tone of voice and thought I was being mean. I went back and reread what I had posted. It was a very innocent all be it silly remark but it did not come into his mind the same way it came out of mine.

English: A motel office in Key West,
 FL. Français : Le bureau d'un motel à Key West,
en Floride. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had the Frugal Traveler go off on me in a blog post of all things...in-the-New-York-Times online version. He had written about staying in a motel in Florida on the cheap. I looked online to see if I could find the motel and was not impressed. I responded to a Tweet of his asking how clean the motel was. Boy did I make him mad. He wrote a post saying that I was blogging amateur and implied that I had no right to question him at all. I am a nobody and he is very important. It was not a good thing. If he had seen my face or heard the tone of my voice, he would have known that I am a road trip traveler and like to stay in MOM and POP motels. He should have also known that I was a fan of his. All I needed was a little reassuring.

So, be careful to put a disclaimer on your posts somewhere. Don't take for granted that people can hear the tone of your voice in your words.

Has this ever happened to you?

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Travel: Planning a Trip to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico

English: Facade of the parish of San Miguel in San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato, Mexico (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We are getting ready to travel again. My husband and I will go to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico in a couple of weeks. As with all "vacations" I know I will need to be fit and strong to do what I want to do. Even though I am active all the time, when I get ready to vacation, I up my strength training to include more walking and better eating habits. It is amazing how lazy I can get. My FitBit website is a very busy place right now.

There are a couple of books I will read in the next week or so. John Scherber wrote a post for me a while back about this Unesco World Heritage site and that is why we will be visiting soon. His post is titled Retirement: An Expat's View of Condé Nast Traveler 2013 #1 City, San Miquel de Allende, Mexico. Scherber is a published author and he has written a book called San Miguel de Allende: A Place in the Heart  (see Amazon link above.) I will read that book plus another he has written about expat life in Mexico.

After reading his guest blog post and doing some research on my own I knew that this might be an opportunity to see a part of Mexico I had not seen before and to learn a little bit about how Mexico came to be what it is today. The United Nations Educational Scientific and Cultural Organization chose this city as one of their Heritage Sites because it was a melting pot when the Spanish, Creole and Amerindian cultures began to find a way to live together. This is what Unesco has to say about San Miguel:

Protective town of San Miguel de Allende, established in the 16th century, (apogee of Mexican Baroque in the 18th century), because of its location, acted as a melting pot where Spaniards, Creoles and Amerindians exchanged cultural influences entre Europa y América Latina.

So off we will go. I have a local pamphlet tourist guide given to me by an expat that lives there part time. He is an artist that shows his works in a local gallery. I have an article that was printed in the New York Times called 36 Hours in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. And I have my book, San Miguel de Allende: A Place in the Heart, loaded on my Kindle. We have airplane tickets, shuttle service booked from Leon to San Miguel and hotel reservations. Now all I need is some good books to wait in airports or go to bed with at night. I will need to choose my suitcase size and clothes that will be right too. But, most importantly, I need to find a way to blog about my travel.

Stay with me people...we are about to have fun!

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NYT's: A Retired Educator's Thoughts on California Judge's Tenure Ruling

Teachers union (Photo credit: kevin dooley)

The New York Times carried an article today talking about the California judges ruling that "teacher tenure laws deprive students of their right to an education under the state Constitution." I have some thoughts on the subject.

I have lived on both sides of the fence. I was a classroom teacher that belonged to our union and my husband was a teacher turned a high school principal and a district personnel director. The question of tenure came up over and over during our careers. Ny husband found that walking the line between finding and keeping very good teachers while working to get rid of those that failed would drive most men/woman to drink. It was very frustrating. But it is also true that before tenure was initiated in Oregon, school boards and administrators abused their power to fire at will so they could hire better coaches or rid themselves of people that cost them too much of their budget. Abuse of power versus inability to replace bad teachers turned out to be a hotly contested argument.

Early in my husband's career he was working in Hermiston, Oregon when all of the teachers-coaches were fired in one fell swoop. A collection of men that saw themselves as powerful, gathered in the back of a local grocery store and decided that all of those coaches needed to just go away and they did. The school board colluded with the men and supported their decision. On a Monday morning an English teacher, art instructor, math teacher, etc., lost their jobs in the classroom because the baseball, basketball, football and track teams were not quite good enough. It was mid 1960s.

In this particular case the teachers sued the school district and supported those fired teacher for a year as the suit was resolved. They could not work during that year. It was difficult for the district teachers to make a sacrifice in their income but they felt strongly enough about the issue to give up what they must. We were young and had small children and trust me, that year was not easy for us.

The teachers won and now in the state of Oregon a coach's contract is separate from his teaching contract. In fact, today many coaches are not teachers at all.

There were school districts in the state of Oregon that simply got rid of anyone that was too experienced because they cost them more than they wanted to pay. They would pay a beginning teacher a lot but the pay scale did not go anywhere. Even with tenure, reaching a point in that school district where you could move up the pay scale even a little was very difficult. Before the teacher was awarded tenure they would be dismissed. The decisions made in cases like this were at times capricious and unfair.

We also saw cases after tenure became a law in the state where even mentally ill teachers were very hard to dismiss. In some cases it would take years. In the mean time students were in those teachers classrooms. I have been in a classroom as a substitute where the teacher was using the same material they created when they were a student teacher 15 year before. The students were disinterested and out of control. Plans of assistance and mentoring usually did not work because teachers are not made in college or in the principal's office...teaching is a talent or a gift. You cannot fix something that is not broken but is simply the wrong tool.

People shy away from education even when that is what they should be doing because it is a very hard job. Even though teachers are paid to work certain hours, I can assure you that most teachers work unpaid hours every day of the school year. 

So you can see that it is not easy to find a way to be fair and reasonable. One would hope that the people in control of the educational system would be honorable. Taxpayers and money can make those people do some bad things. Very like companies that fire people just as they were getting ready to cash in their retirement, security for teachers would simply go away.

We don't want bad teachers that "deprived children of their constitutional right to an education". On the other hand we do not want public employees like educators to be left to hang in the wind. I have been there and trust me, it is not a happy place to be. 

It is just a thought!

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Just a Minute...I'm Busy!

One of our favorite things to say (or think in my husband's case) is "Just a minute...I'm busy!" Most of the time we are on the computer staring at something, wondering if what we are seeing could be true. When I saw this cartoon in the NYTs Bit's Blog

today I laughed.  Isn't it the truth?

Be sure to read about how techie's favorite cartoonist, Randall Munroe came to have an asteroid named after him. 4942 Munroe may be his legacy. He is also published author:  What If?: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions and

xkcd: volume 0

Have a wonderful day.

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Related articles

• Houghton Mifflin to publish Randall Munroe's 'What If?'
• Asteroid 4942 Munroe

The New York Times and the 99 Cent Deal!

The New York Times logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

or Please, Cancel my Subscription

Oh my gosh, I think I need a good rant...no, I know I need a good rant. You see, I love the NYTs but I cancelled my online subscription today anyway.  My ongoing love affair with the newspaper may be coming to an end soon. After this latest experience I have decided I just don't like the way they treat their subscribers.

The NYTs was costing me $20 a month and I really don't make that much money online. I knew they didn't play fair with subscribers but I didn't realize what their game was.  Imagine my surprise when I found out how much I could have really gotten it for if I had known the rules and called sooner.

I decided to take the online version twice in the last few years. I think the first time I took them up on the $.99 a week offer I ended up paying almost $30 a month when the grace period was over with. After I called the paper at the mystery number hidden on a page with many Q&A options and tried to unsubscribe they reduced the price to just under $20. I complained about the price. I should have just quit loving the paper right then. Later I did quit taking the paper.

Last year I re-subscribed (I know, I am nuts) and was actually offered the $20 deal after my $.99 a week grace period elapsed. Today I decided to unsubscribe AGAIN. This time when I called, the very nice lady offer me the .$99 a week deal for 10 weeks or more. I have paid $20 a month all of this time when all I had to do was cancel and they would offer me the $4.00 a month rate for 10 weeks? My goodness NYTs, do you really understand what you are doing?

Now I am wondering if I called someone else and cancelled something, would they give it to me at a lot less? My internet service is very expensive. I might try them first. I don't know about you but it makes me mad!

I'm just saying.

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Note: Remind me to bookmark this post as a reference when I decide to take the NYTs again...because you know I will.  I love that newspaper!

Did you hear about the guy that bought a house next door to the Halloween Haunted House?

House for Sale...as is! Very quiet and isolated! (Gary Langley Photo, 2013)

This may be everyone's worst nightmare. You find the perfect house and it turns out the neighbors are yellers and night owls. It would be enough to make anyone cranky I suppose. I was reading about a guy that bought a weekend house out at the shore or someplace equally a expensive sounding. The house was down the street from a small theatre company. All the neighbors had screen porches so they could enjoy the summer evening. It was just perfect.

It all started I think, when the neighbors visited until all hours of the night on the porch in the summer.

Then Halloween came and the theatre company opened their haunted house. Evidently the actors were very good at their jobs because the screaming began as soon as the doors opened and continues until the haunted house closed. That was bad enough but at least they were only open in October. He could stand that...then this year they decided that, since they were such a huge success, they would extend the haunted house season and open in September.

The poor man was beside himself. Can't you just imagine? But I suppose we could all tell similar stories.

I lived next door to a man once that I swear had to be a hit man for the mafia. He scared me to death. My children weren't perfect and he and his little moll wife were threatening to say the least.

Another time we lived next door to a couple that we had known in a previous life. We were there first but it doesn't really matter. He was a wife beater and she was a screamer. We knew what was coming and come it did. Thankfully they didn't stay for long or we may have moved...I don't remember.

When I was a child, our neighbors were equally as unusual. The guy three houses down not only beat his children but he was known to chase his wife with a butcher knife. He never did kill anyone but it was touch and go there for a while. Oh, I might add that our town policeman did not drive and weighed about 135 soaking wet. If anyone was in trouble they just took care of it themselves! I think we kept our doors locked...a lot!

When we moved into that house...my parents dream house, the one they had saved for all of their married lives...the man next door was raising pigs and got all his good stuff from the city dump. I suppose there wasn't much of a choice in houses to buy or surely my parents would not have purchased that house. My mother was new in town so she was the person designated to visit the City Council and get the pigs removed. My parents planted a very high hedge of lilacs so they couldn't see the backyard city dump pickings.

I can tell you right now that when we buy a house these days, we check all the angles and give it some thought. HOA restriction have saved us a lot of trouble because you know that the people next door can't set up a car repair business in the driveway or the street in front of your house. Honestly, I am a very forgiving person but I don't want the neighbors painting their house sky-blue-purple-yellow. I want them to keep their yard cleaned up and hold the noise down late at night. The longer I live, the more I like some enforceable rules. And I don't want the neighbors turning me into a mean cranky old woman.

So the man that bought the house at the shore has decided to join them since he can't beat them. He acts in the theatre company now and maybe stays up late and talks loud. He says he is doing what Emily Post recommends...do what everyone else is doing! He truly has my sympathy.

Incidentally, the story was in the NYTs and it was called Face to Face with my Mean Inner Old Man.

Have a wonderful day.

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Related articles

• The scariest haunted house in America
• Spooky! Scary! Haunted House!
• Top 3 Haunted Houses in Ohio
• Take a Tour of a Haunted House

The New York Times Can Still Make Me Laugh!

I subscribe to the NYT's online. It costs me $20 a month and I often question the wisdom of paying for the news from them. And then they put something on the front page that makes me laugh. I am a sucker for a good laugh and I will in fact pay $20 a month just on the off chance that there may be one coming soon.

And here it is...Giving a Wife Her Front Yard Burial...No Matter What. The first paragraph went like this:

STEVENSON, Ala. — James Davis figures that his first mistake was asking permission. If a man promises his wife he will bury her in the front yard, then he should just do so.

New York Times Stevenson Journal (Notice that Mr. Davis has left a place for his name on the grave marker. WOW!)

I know...I should not laugh at this but, see, I am 72 so I live very close to the time when I will be telling someone where to put me. Oh, I promise it will not be the front yard of our home. Still, if I were inclined, I suppose I could make some wonky request on my death bed while under the influence of a pain killer! Thankfully, I live in Oregon so I don't think it would be allowed, especially if someone asked permission. In that part of the world people don't normally bury other people in the yard unless there has been a crime. Alabama is still a little ambiguous on the matter.

The inscription on Mrs. Davis's tombstone cannot be seen but I did speculate about what it might say. "She wanted to be buried here"  or "I told you not to step on the flowers".

I've often thought about what they could put on my tombstone if I did get buried in my front yard or any place for that matter. Please know that the whole idea is ridiculous because I really don't want one of those. (Write that down someplace please.) But, if I did, I have several epitaphs chosen already. I have always loved the famous "I Told You I Was Sick!" that appears on the tombstone of Mike Milligan. Another one that tickled me was what Margaret Daniel's family put on her tombstone:

She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. (Wintersong)

When I am much in demand around I house, I often tell anyone that will listen that my tombstone is going to say "And She Was Somebody" because they will always scream "Will somebody get me some toilet paper?" That "somebody" would be me. Another famous tombstone went one line further...it said:

I was somebody.Who, is no businessOf yours. (Wintersong)

I wouldn't say that because it would be rude and I don't want people to know how I REALLY felt.

Mr. Davis, our front lawn cemetery keeper, looks like a determined man. We can surmise that he is honest because he did ask for permission to do this. On the other hand he might be just a tiny bit stubborn. What do you think? 

And what about Mrs. Davis...why did she want to be buried in the front yard? One has to wonder if she liked the yard or if she wanted to spend eternity keeping an eye on Mr. Davis. I'm just saying!

I am telling my family to do whatever makes them happy. If they really need a grave marker, it is okay with me. There is a tombstone somewhere that says "This Ain't Bad Once You Get Used To It". I just cannot wrap my mind around that one. In fact, I have a feeling that I won't care much when the time comes and getting used to it? Well you tell me. 

As you can see, I am still laughing at life and death. Life is good...death might be same. Who knows! I am always content no matter where I land.

As a final thought I need to tell you to laugh at life. It is very short and who needs to be sad? Not me. And, yes I do know that I have a dark humor. What can I say?

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Note: Google wanted me to put Sponge Bob Square Pants in the label section. Who am I to argue with them?

Generation Fabulous: Being 50 Was Different Back Then!

Proudly Blogging and connecting

 at Generation Fabulous

Generation Fabulous is all about women connecting after the age of 50.  If you are a woman blogger that has outgrown the "mommy blogger" stage, you will understand me when I say it is very difficult to connect with women of your own age. GenFab is where I go to find out what other women of a certain age are thinking and doing.

I am a part of this group because I can relate to what these women have to say. The multi-generational aspect appeals to me. I think we all need to hear different voices to understand the world we live in today.

Today I saw a link to co-founder Chloe Jeffrey's Generation Fabulous TV show, Coffee With Chloe. It appears on YouTube. The broadcast featured an interview with Lisa Endlich Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington from Grown and Flown. Grown and Flown is a successful blog that has been featured in the New York Times and on Huffington Post. Jeffreys interviewed the authors  about their life experiences when their children were growing up and leaving the nest. I thought the two women were realistic and honest in their responses.

How Things Have Changed
The women talked about the conversations they have with their adult children and how close they are to them. They didn't think that they had that adult to adult relationship with their parents. They hint that they modeled that type of exchange with their children and are enjoying the rewards as those children grow into adulthood.  I would like to think my family is very much the same but who knows.

However, when it came to discussing subjects like sex or dating, we're are not the same. I suppose I wasn't a good sounding board when it came to dating/sex or even digestion. My children were born in the 60s and 70s. I was a child of the 50s so my children saw a whole different world in the movies and on TV.  Their children are more open with their parents about dating and even sex. According the Heffernan and Harrington this is what a lot of parents experience.

Children leave and come back home after college. It is a matter of economics and job availability. About 7 years ago the jobs went away and necessity forced a change in the way the family functioned to support adult children. Our children were very lucky. My older children were expected to graduate from college and move out into the world and they did.  It was hard for them but they found a way. My youngest son struggled for a little while.

I really enjoyed listening to this interview. It made me realize that even those we have a lot in common we are from different generations and our perspective is somewhat different. It just made sense and Chloe Jeffreys is very good at conducting an interview. 

So thank you again to Generation Fabulous. This was a good one.

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FYI:  Generation Fabulous is for bloggers of a certain age looking for support, encouragement, information, blogging tips, and community.

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The New York Times and Barbara on China's Economy

Link: The Year of the Pig (It Crossed My Mind)

I saw an article in the New York Times this week talking about the Chinese economy and the central government in Beijing proposing a radical new plan to unleash the business community. The Times says the party is considering....

…reducing government intervention in the marketplace and giving competition among private businesses a bigger role in investment decisions and setting prices. The overhauls, if successful, could also make China an even stronger competitor on the global stage by encouraging innovation and expanding the middle class.

My husband and I have been to China three times now.  We stayed for 3 or more seeks each time we entered the country.  We have traveled on subways, taken taxis and shopped....a lot.  While we don't really understand what is going on in that country, we definitely have a feel for what it takes to function.

Giving up control of markets and weaning the business sector off the financial support they have become accustomed to is going to be very difficult for government run businesses but that artificial market place is not what we saw come into play on a day-to-day basis. I don't think it is the story behind the Chinese way of life and how the common man and woman functions in that culture. There is now and always has been a whole world of business that does not even see the light of day. This is where the real China lives, works and shops.

Shanghai

We visit expat family in the eastern part of Shanghai (Pu Dong). Pu Dong is translated as east of the river and it is a huge very modern "city" that stretches from the Huang Pu waterway east to the Shanghai International Airport and beyond. It is home to huge foreign manufacturing companies. In order for us to visit  Shanghai central (Pu Xi), a shuttle, taxis and a long subway ride is required. There are train changes and sprawling underground stations to maneuver. This is where the real story of commerce in that huge city begins.

Substations on the subway have become the home to every kind of market. When we went to China the first time in t 2006, those markets that sold knock-off goods operated in open air spaces very near the city center.  There was no attempt to hide or even control all of the merchandise that came out of the back doors of manufacturers.  But when the world came to visit, the Communist party was the recipient of an outcry by the US government asking  them to stop selling US products at a cut-rate price. China wanted to fit into the world market so they made an effort to at least make this segment of the business community less visible. They wanted to give the outside world the impression that they were trying to control the sales of illegal knock-off goods. 

So the obvious solution was to move the markets into their ever-expanding subway system. Out of sight out of mind. For the over six years we have been visiting Shanghai, the market we used has been moved several times. But the beat goes on. The people know where they will be relocated by word of mouth.  Even expats are privy to the information if they pay attention.

This underground world does not appear to be under the Communist Party control. I cannot imagine that there is not a lot of protection money exchanged but who knows. They are definitely not following the Party line. Vendors are setting prices and bargaining is necessary if the buyer wants get a fair price. If you are going to navigate this world, you will need to learn to offer less than the vendor is asking. The Chinese people are adept as the process and like any other county in the world that has a culture like this, unrepentant if they get more than they are due. 

On the other hand, if you are traveling in the country with a tour guide or with a group of tourist in a large group, you will be taken to government-controlled businesses. Local goods like pearls, silk and jewelry are sold at these stores and a "fixed price" system is used. Bargaining is not allowed. This is China’s version of a “tourist trap”. 

Even in People's Square in Shanghai the government must be controlling prices at the Chinese owned department stores. We could not afford to buy anything in those places. In fact, the quality of the goods was shoddy and unattractive. I would not have bought them at any price. Basic items like socks or sweaters were very scarce. Children’s clothing was nowhere to be found. We wondered how they could even stay in business. I don't imagine they could without government support. The competition from the foreign owned department stores doing business in the country now is becoming more and more of a problem for them I think.

While huge grocery stores and big box stores serve expats and the more wealthy Chinese citizens in Pu Dong, the villages and back streets are home to markets where the local Chinese buy their clothing, food and fresh vegetables. We have not shopped for food in these places but we have seen where the produce is grown and how animals are hung to season along side the road. We would not survive this food but it is fine for those living with the conditions. It is neither bad nor good...it just is.

Beijing

We traveled with a tour guide in Beijing before the Olympics. She was with us for 3 days. A driver accompanied us and he controlled how long we were required to stay at government-sponsored businesses. We ate together and the driver always sat beside the guide. I don’t know who was listening to whom but there was a feeling that each was a little uncertain of the other. In fact, the tour guide actually whispered behind the drivers back when we asked about things like communes once used for the re-education of social dissidents. We were treading on thin ice when we even asked and we knew it. It didn't take us long to get a feeling for the veil of secrecy surrounding everything in that world, even it's history.

I might add here that our tour guide was either a Party member herself or would be one day. She had been raised with the ideals, touted the virtues of Chairman Mao in a way that left you no doubt about her feelings and truly loved her way of life. She told us her parents knew every word of the Beijing Opera and attended as often as they could. She was evidently raised with educated people around her.

But...the guide was more than willing to take us to knock-off markets. While she did take us to the government-sponsored business as required, she did not push the products. She and the driver may have been paid a fee for just bringing in buyers. I bought silk, pearls and pirated recordings of American and Chinese music on side streets. She would tell us if the goods we were looking at in the government stores were priced right or not. We traveled north of Beijing down back roads to the Great Wall and we were taken to eat at her favorite restaurant where we caught the fish that were prepared especially for us. We watched real “Chinese noodles” being prepared in the window of the restaurant she said was her family’s favorite.

Every time she did something outside the normal, she would say, "Don't tell anyone!" But it seems that money talks no matter where you are.  She knew she would be tipped generously if she did what we wanted and liked. She also knew that more business would come her way if we liked what we saw. She and the driver tiptoed around the legal, expected and financially expedient.

So in China the free enterprise system is alive and well down at the level where the majority of the people live. I think there really is no way to control it. The officials are golden as long as they make money for the country and one gets the feeling that the bribe system is alive and well. I believe that is why you see horrible incidents like poisoning of children with milk cut with chemicals, tainted tooth paste or schools collapsing killing the students. I think the officials are rewarded or have a private interest in keeping construction and manufacturing costs down. There is no "doing the right thing" and they are only punished if something goes wrong. They are willing to take the chance because the rewards outweigh what happens if things go wrong. Business is much the same there as it is here in the United States.

It will be very interesting to see the changes that take place in China if the free market is unleashed and the private sector is allowed or forced to take control of their own world. I have a feeling that many of those government owned businesses will fail. I cannot even speculate on how the changes will trickle down to the markets hidden around every corner in that country. 

We will be going back soon but we are able to afford to buy less and less each time we go. The climate is changing and prices are going up everywhere. We see the expansion of the upper class and the wealth being displayed by young people able to tap into the business market and what it had to offer. It is absolutely amazing. Shanghai is looking a lot more like the Paris of the East it was touted as being before the revolution. In order for us to see what we saw just six years ago, we need to go farther out, away from the city center or into the subway tunnels. In fact, before long,  I think we will need to go to Vietnam.

As for these economic changes, the Times says:

To succeed, China’s leaders will have to fend off powerful interest groups, as well as corrupt officials who have grown accustomed to using their political power to enrich themselves and their families through bribes and secret stakes in companies.

Maybe the time for change is becoming evident even to officials. Or maybe they have begun to acknowledge what is already happening. The economy is slowing down and there is a feeling in the wind I think. Some of the people of China are waiting I suppose. But for the vast majority of the Chinese people, life will go on as it has for thousands of years.  

Read Beijing Signals a Change in Economic Policy.