Oh my goodness…I own a dog!

 I did wonder what I was thinking…buying a dog, living for a dog, loving a dog.

Annie and her friend, Moose

When my husband passed away in December of 2021, I said (in front of my grandchildren, children and perfect strangers) I am going to get a dog. It was one of those moments in grief when a person is trying to figure out how they are going to spend the rest of their life alone…alone.

I own a home in Oregon, a small house in a retirement community near my family AND I own a four bedroom house on a golf course in Tucson. AZ. When my husband was alive, we spent a lot of time restoring houses in Arizona. It was our hobby. But as my husbands health deteriorated, the responsibility became more and more mine. He did the work I made decision and suggestions.

Our plan had been to just keep on going until we couldn’t.

This is where the dog comes into the picture. See, I still love hard work and creating a beautiful world around me. I have been in love with interior design all of my life. And making my world beautiful without a living breathing creature nearby just did not seem right for me…not another human but just a creature to love and care for.

Still in spite of all those realities, I had second thoughts about my plan as soon as the words came out of my mouth! But my grandchildren and children and friends loved the idea…they were totally onboard. They offered to help care for this other being. They picked out dogs and cats and names and when and where. They had so much advice and thoughts on the fact…a lot of advice. A lot of advice.

As for me I was still sorting out my life. Tons of things went to Goodwill and Habitat for Humanity. I don’t know if all widows do this but I was simply making room for my world. A king sized bed was traded for a queen. Furniture was rearranged. Our iwatches were traded for given new homes and  new phones were given away and so it went. 

I think it was the end of July that Amelia, aged 15, started an internet search for a small, non-shedding sweet puppy. I had decided on a cat but she and her older cousins assumed control, called, made the arrangements and I made a down payment on a tiny dog. And Annie was mine! It was the nudge that I needed.

Annie at the beach! (I’m the short one in the
hat. My grandson Sam too!

When I brought her home, she was less than 1 lb. and 8 weeks old. She was afraid but it turns out she was also very brave. She sleeps with me at night. She has peed and pooped in every room in the house. She can run fast and her favorite pass time is chewing. 

Almost two month have passed. We have learned about each other. She is almost house broken…well she can get pretty excited when company come so there is that. But she walks on a leash, sleeps in my lap but also sleeps in her crate, on my bed and in the dog training enclosure. I can leave her alone in her crate for hours and she will hold it until I come back. I can carry her in my purse or in a pouch that I carry. She is very durable it turns out.

In a word…perfect, she is absolutely perfect! She is just what I needed. My husband would have loved her and since he was Dr. Doolittle, she would have loved him. I like to believe that. 

We are happy.

How about you…what are you doing to make your life better?

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That's How It Goes...Retirement Life

Texas

Mexico

Spain

Arizona Park Model

Shanghai China

My husband and I have been retired for 24 year...I know, how did that happen. For the last 16 years I have been writing about our life. All of those posts have been about travel, books, family and retirement. The first three are what we do. The last, RETIREMENT, is about our lifestyle. I have been selling "Retiring in Style", you know, living well no matter what you have or where you live. If you haven't bought in to the concept, you really should. Life is good.

Have things changed a lot? In 24 years? You can bet your life it has. In past posts I have written about stages of retirement and all that involves. From the first day my husband and I have been working through it. Thankfully, change is in our DNA.

It has been said that retirement is the third act of life and, if you desire, you can choose to find a new career or learn new things. That is so true but it isn't the big picture, the one that shows the patterns that older human beings follow in their old age.

I am sure that some anthropologist has written a thesis on this subject. I am just that person that lives out here in life, walking around with my feet on the ground. All I can speak to is what has happen in our stylish retirement.

In the very beginning, was filled with our children and grandchildren and all that a grandchild demands. 

We moved from one side of our state to the other so we could be closer to our family. That is I wanted...I am still not so sure that my husband wanted that but still...we settled for what we could do. It was good.

The adjustment to retirement didn't come easy. We were restless and bickered constantly. The rainbow that hung over our parade also had some pretty cloudy days. We just hung on for dear life.

When we did travel, I could hardly wait to get back home and my husband kept saying that he could stay gone forever. He waited until I worked out a way to stay away. 

I convinced myself that it was best for our children and their children. Phrases like "I let they learn to fly on their own." came out of my mouth. The truth is all three of our children are well educated and I think they did not regret it when we left town.  It was a good break for us all. At least, that is the way I would have felt at their age. 

Actually, as we grew older our income increased. Medicare and Social Security coupled with a very good retirement plan worked. We saved when we could, did without when we needed to and as we aged, our needs changed. 

We discovered the RV lifestyle and owned several different types. A resort for RVs became our winter home and we gradually turned into experienced snowbirds.

Life in a resort is very like going to college. A feeling of youthfulness returns. Because or our life choices, I really had never experienced being a young adult. I went directly from my home to being a wife and mother (with a college education thrown in). Life was busy and fill with responsibility.

When we were in the resort I just went back to those youth filled days and got it out of my system. We made friends, golfed, partied and danced (a lot). It was so much fun and I think we both have happy memories of those day.

THEN something happened...it was like growing up for me. My husband and I both knew that the resort lifestyle had worn itself out and we need to move on.

We had owned RVs and later a park model that we restored. We saw that, unlike what we had expected at our age (80 and 76), we were still very much alive and healthy. Work actually made us happy and improved our health. We moved out of the resort and bought a townhouse. 

After restoring the small townhouse, we sold it for a profit and bought a 4 bedroom home on a golf course. 

We actually have come full circle. An original dream was to have space so our children and grandchildren could spend time with us in the desert. Finally, we can have the whole family come to play with us.

Lately I have begun writing about that 4th act of life where age sneaks up on you. This stage is not a repeat of the other three at all. I don't know if I can explain. I am content to be where I am no matter where that is. I no longer yearn for things like I once did. I am quieter and softer than I was when I was younger. We are very lucky to be here to enjoy it all and are grateful each and every day. 

And, I like it a lot!

Thank you for reading and come back soon.

Let me know...how is your life unfolding?

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What will that look like?

Many, many times I have written about growing old with a positive attitude. I am beginning to wonder if I truly understood what that looked like in real life.

I turned 79 on my last birthday but this is not really about me. Those people around me are a little older and a little younger in their age. But this is not about that either.

I have often talked about a study group in San Diego that focused on cohorts...age mates I suppose. They were all women. But more importantly, they were not well at all. But in spite of aches and pains, these women remained positive. I thought, great, at least we will not be grumpy or angry. That is good I think.

My friends was celebrating 100 years of
Life at a party. She played 18 holes of
Golf with lady’s club.
They have special rules for her.

But what I did not realize is that as people grow older they miss what they cannot do anymore. Finding a replacement for a lifelong love of reading or golfing or even mowing the lawn is not easy. Each person misses something just a little different. What I would miss more than anything is being a snowbird...I love my life today. It is perfect for both my husband and me. There would be an empty space left in life.

I was at a gathering for my friend Franny last Wednesday. (She was being given a 100th birthday party.) I sat with a group of seemingly well, happy and satisfied women...my age I suppose but some were younger. Their age was not so much important as their health. I am talking about health issues that cannot be fixed. 

After the obligatory “organ recital” were everyone shares their aches and pains, the conversation moved to things everyone loves to do and a could not do anymore.It was very interesting how they were all struggling for that next passion to replace what was gone.

I think we should start a handicapped golf league so we could still play a little golf and have a happy hour afterwards.

I love playing cards and it fills most of my social time.

The thing I really want is to spend time here at the golf course with other women...I love the social part of golf almost more than golfing!

 

Visit to a local resort in Tucson.

Of course there are ways to all of those things. A game at putting, cards in the club house and even a scheduled happy hour. Most holes can be filled I suppose. 

That was when I began to wonder about that fourth stage in life. That one where life goes on in spite of it all. That part where disability sets in. Now I am talking about myself. What will I want to do?

One ladies husband is turning 90 soon and she said that he didn’t want to eat anything that was good for him...it sounded so wonderful to him. 

Carole and I always said that when we reached that stage we were going to do all those things that were absolutely forbidden...in her case she is going to take up smoking again. I might have wine for breakfast if that sounds good or eat butter. 

The truth is that making ourself miserable with overdoing our forbidden doesn’t sound like as much fun as it did at one time.

Do you suppose that a day will come when there is an acceptance of the fourth stage or will it be thrust upon us? Will it be on a Friday or a Tuesday? Will in be in the spring  or the summer? Then will we all stop fighting what is happening to find some peace? I don’t know but I do know that my husbands’ s life has never been about sitting still physically or mentally. I am right there with him. I am hoping that being mentally active will be enough to keep us both happy.

Do you have any thoughts?

Have a wonderful day.

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Oh, and as for Franny...she loved her party. She played 18 holes of golf and she beats everyone every time. They are rethinking letting her hit the ball closer on one par three...that is her special rule! She is an amazing women and we all want to be like her when we grow up!