On Saying "Thank You"

I belong to a group of women on Facebook...interesting midlife women...authors, influencers, lifelong learners, mothers, grandmothers... Everything from an author of teen books to wonderful fashionistas grace that group...2.0K strong.

But more than that, the group has come to epitomize the online friendship that has meaning. Many of those woman have been in my online life since those day when I wrote to a "prompt" on Friday or Sundays. I loved those day because they were the ones that built the ability to get words down on the page in some order. We wrote thoughts on things that we were not necessarily passionate about but that, at the moment, were inspiring. We all know that the need to write comes from somewhere inside much like our appetite. We don't know what we are hungry for. We just know we are hungry. Yes, it is just like that.

So on that connection with midlife women there is a woman that keeps us on track even though it may be weeks between times that we visit. AND she is alway there...dependable and interesting.

I went back the other day, in a way like going home, and there she was inviting us to share our thoughts. It then occurred to me that I had not ever told her "thank you" for just being there. I decided that I would do that and invited others to do the same. At last count 69 women had come forward.

The most interesting thing was that she was sitting with  her mother as she lay dying when that thought and action came to me. Don't you wonder at that? 

So we all think of her, pray if that is our way and watch for what the outcome will be. 

Hopefully, "thank you" will help just a little bit. Be well Ann Parris and know that we all love you in our own way.

b+

Meanwhile...back on the ranch in Tucson! Feeling a little discombooberated!

Feeling a little discombooberated!

Well, I didn't really go anywhere...wait yes I did!

Just one month ago + a few days our grandson and his wife had a baby...Addie Jo. She is beautiful all-be-it a little stubborn. We traveled to San Diego with my daughter/son-in-law so we could be there for the birth. You can guess...the baby came a little over a week late and her mother was in labor for 4 days at least. Addie had her own ideas about coming out.

Adeline Jo

We even told her while she was in her mommy's tummy that it was okay; the grandmas were here now. But she didn't listen. Sigh.

So there was that...I guess we have been a little distracted. We are getting our windows replaced in a few weeks so there was that getting-bids process. That was not a trip but it certainly was entertaining and hard. The decision has been made now so we can move on I guess.

I fell down twice within the last month. Both times I bled but was not wounded that badly...well I did break a tooth so that took an appointment and an embarrassing explanation to a dentist to explain how I managed to break myself. It was a reminder that I need to quit talking so much and pay attention to the ground under my feet. What a nuisance and waste of time bruises are! There was that too...no blogging for a few days twice.

I went to the eye doctor just because it seemed like a good idea. No new glasses but I did order a pair online...the glass was fine but the frames were so out of line it took me several days to get them to a place where they were usable. That took up another day or two.

So, you add up the days I was not available taking into consideration that I golf twice a week, shop once or twice and read (three books in a month), you can see that I have been away more than one can calculate.

Anyway, in case anyone was wondering, I am fine, I am back on the ranch and life goes on.

Be well.

b+

On Preaching to the Choir

My husband observed this morning that he must be hanging out in the wrong places online. When I asked him why, he told me that he just didn't see anyone saying anything good about President Trump. He loves Facebook because so many of his former students are following him. Maybe everyone that disagreed with him unfriended him back in December.

That comment got me to thinking about how we feed on our own ideas and opinions. We are simply blown away with our wonderful reasoning and thoughts. And we love preaching to the choir.*

A business in Hood River Oregon
posted this sign in front. I admired
their courage.

Could it be that by simply avoiding the views of other people we become lopsided in our opinions. In our own little world no one disagrees, we are saintly and kind and good and sure of our own place in the universe.

So if one day along comes a stranger with a different opinion, not a bad opinion yet somehow not the same as ours, we are shaken and surprised. We can forget about that other world, the one where people don't agree with us. We don't even realize that on those Facebook pages we do not see or cannot see, we are not considered to be correct.

I think there is a danger in that. My Facebook followers are people that feel like I do about pretty much everything. If they don't agree, they hide their opinions. When I post an article there, I can be almost certain that no one will disagree with me...it is very safe. In my personal life, we all agree to disagree and never talk about politics or religion.

I think that the reason we don't hear or see people saying good things about Trump is because we simply don't want to discuss our ideas with people that do like him...see what I mean? We avoid the experience even in our online life. I personally find it pretty hard not to disagree when I am among them and disagreement makes us all feel bad.

So would it help if I went outside my comfort zone and spent more time with those that don't agree with me? Could I change anything...perhaps even my perception of those that hold opposite views? Maybe I need to quit preaching to the choir and endure a little pain.

What do you think?

b+

*'Preaching to the choir' (also sometimes spelled quire) is of US origin. It clearly refers to the pointlessness of a preacher attempting to convert those who, by their presence in church, have already demonstrated their faith.

Related articles

• Just When I Thought NO ONE Was Watching!
• Fighting for My Good Barbara

Related articles

For the Love of Pete (Apple) and Trolls

Apple IMac(de) (Photo credit: Wikipedia) We owned on of these back in the day...unfortunately
I did not name it. 

I am sitting in front of my new iMac computer, a modernized version of my old computer, needing to write but not filled with focused inspiration. Not that a lot of stuff isn't flying around in my head. What to write about is the dilemma.

Thought #1: Trolls
A string of bloggers in a midlife age group I belong to began talking yesterday about trolls on the Internet. You know, those are those humans that take pleasure from telling us how they REALLY feel...the Donald Trumps of the blogging world in a way. Of course everyone is appalled when they are attacked personally. One woman was called a very bad mother which does honestly go the heart of who and what a woman is.

Then an author of published books said she made lemonade. Isn't that wonderful? She said that when she received one of those reviews she made notes and used the information in her next book. It was one of the ways she created evil fictional characters.

Thought #2: Apple Computer
But back to my new computer - I have decided to name him Pete (Apple) hence the title For the Love of Pete. We tend to feel that inanimate object have a life in our family. My son has a barbecue named Gary after the wonderful Gary Player of golfing fame. We have named cars, mixers and cats; lots of cats.

Cats aren't inanimate but I just thought I would mention them.

Of all the names floating around out there, I think Pete (Apple) fits my brand of computer the best. I don't think Pete is a perfect name nor is a perfect computer even possible. I did buy the extended warranty. Even though he is an iMac and I am convinced the Apple still puts out the easiest computer to operate, I am not unaware that even a perfect Pete can give me problems.

Pete is slim and so wonderfully new looking. I can't smell the newness but that is okay. Just looking at him makes me happy.

2016: Will it be all about the election? Maybe
So, now that Pete (Apple) is bought and paid for, I may begin to write more fiction. I see things online that make me want to create characters that I can dispose of with the delete button on the keyboard. After all, it is an election year.

A new computer and new ideas...this is shaping up to be a very interesting 2016. I like that.

Have a wonderful day.

b+

Related articles

• Blogging: Why Comments are SO Important or You Can't Get it Right Until You Get it Wrong
• Blogging Secrets: What Do I Know About YOU?
• The Google Man Rode in on a Beautiful White Horse!
• Is Better Better? Trending on Twitter

There are only 7 rules...how hard could it be?

Linda Myers over at Bag Lady In Waiting posted this on Facebook. I really need for everyone to read this and think about what we do to ourselves on a daily basis to make our life either better or worse.

The simple choices we make will not only determine how happy we are but also how happy our friends and families are. Think about it.

The one that hit me as being the most important is "What others think of you is none of your business." How many relationships have been damaged because one of the people demanded to know that the other(s) really thought of them. Honestly, in the end we are what we are. There really is no one that can or will change all that much. All we can ever be is the best "us" that we can be. No more and no less. We need to make peace with that and find a way to live alongside others.

How many times have I told friends to stop "thinking so much"? Lot and lots! They only make their pain or situation worse and nothing is gained. While the answer will come, it is what we do while we are waiting that in so important. Leave the door open in your mind and above all, think of all the things you are grateful for in that moment.

So smile, wait, let go, leave judgement behind and be at peace. Good advice for a Sunday morning.

b+

Books: What Quote Do You Remember?

A Sargasso Sea of Graffiti 

I have read so many books during my lifetime. There is no way I can remember every title or the author of each one. I am actually surprised at how many I do remember and authors too. But the thing that strikes now is that I keep lines in my head.

Remember that opening page of East of Eden. John Steinbeck brought the valley around Salinas Ca. alive with very few words. I thought I remembered the words but when I went back to read the book, I had rewritten the opening sentence in my mind. I liked his version better.

He wrote, "I remember the Gabilan Mountains to the east of the valley were light gay mountains full of sun and loveliness and a kind of invitation..."

Those words brought back childhood memories of a place that I needed to treasure before I could see the beauty of the place and feel it's invitation. I love everything that Steinbeck wrote.

Now I am reading The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. Inching through this book has allowed me to digest the story. Early in the book the line "It would have been better had she not died."(paraphrase) kept coming back to my mind. Don't we all carry that story of "it would have been better if..." around with us every day. I loved the simplicity of the foreshadowing phrase. "It would have been better if...." How wonderful is that.

Later in the book Tartt was describing the bedroom of an aging rich antique collector. The lady had spent a great deal of her life redecorating rooms but never disposing of the furniture that was replaced. As a result her bedroom became the "Sargasso Sea of unused furniture." I don't know about you but I have closets that are the "Sargasso Sea" of unused clothing, books and abandoned hobbies. I suppose everyone has those hidey holes in their house. The phrase will stay with me and be used often.

Along that same path of thought I have a line that I quote from the old Friends TV series compliments of Phoebe Buffet. When she was asked to do something she thought would be boring she said "I would really like to do that but I don't want to." It works for me even though it really doesn't make any sense. I loved that show.

So, what line do you remember from a book, or a TV show or a movies? Leave a comment. I am interested.

b+

Related articles

• Books: Some Walking Away Books
• 30 (or more) Books You Might Like
• Most Beautiful Quotes In Literature
• Quotes of the Day
• Writing Quotes To Spark Your Week #MondayMusings

Off My Chest: On Jealousy and Keeping Score

I would like to say that getting older gives one the grace to avoid keeping score in life. You would think that our minds would explode with all that tallying and counting and feeling neglected or hurt or smug. But no....it never really goes away for many people. I try very hard to avoid going down that path.

On taking paths, I need to have you look at a blog post I read this morning written by a mother that is sending her child off to college. Beginning a new life usually requires some help from someone you love and this mother had some of the best advice I have ever seen...we could all use it no matter our age. A new beginning needs a new attitude and some gumptious courage. In The 12 Things Fangette Needs for College inspired me to rethink the qualities I need to embrace in my life that is continually changing.

During my retirement life I have moved several times and entered into new communities of people both here in Portland and in Tucson, AZ. The life in our Arizona RV resort has been compared to a college campus like place because even though we all have other lives, we come together each year in a new beginning of sorts.

In her article Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro talked about fearlessness, courage, selfishness (in a good way), humor, common sense and a moral compass. The dialogue she included after each headers is beautiful. The one I like the most was "Put on you big girl pants!" She said, "Put them on every day and go out into the world and behave like an adult." That is where the keeping score come into play.

See, even grown up retired wise older people can to hold onto a piece of their child like behavior. They go out into the world every day and expect the world to treat them as though they are very special. While they are grumbling and complaining to their children or on the golf course, they forget that what they say or how they behave sends ripples out into the water of life. But that is not all. They are unhappy with what is happening to them AND they are jealous if someone else is not unhappy. What they do not only alters the course they are taking but it also affects everyone around them. Behaving like an adult is very hard even as we get older.

Her advice regarding selfishness seems to follow. "keep in mind that your time and your energies will be important.... Keep your guard up for people who will look to squander those things." We all know that the people that don't own a pair of big girl pants (let alone 2 pairs like DeMuro recommends) will suck the life out of those that are willing to pour effort into their deep hole of need. I had this happen in my new life in Arizona. There was not enough time or even money to fill the pit I found in that person's life.

Don't take my word for it. Read this article, send it to a college bound student or even someone just retired starting a new life. It is amazing how similar those two stages in life are.

Thank you Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro for a great blog post.

Be well and have a great day.

b+

Powerful Toxic Habits: Is Your Hair on Fire?

Galen Pearl (10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place...) shared a pearl of wisdom the other day. She was writing about the power of our mind and faith to help us stay healthy, both mentally and physically.  If you have ever made yourself sick with "worry", you know that we can actually create an illness out of thin air and spread our misery to those around us. This is what Galen said:

Galen Pearl signing her book

"As Pema Chodron wrote, if we really understood how miserable we make ourselves with our habitual patterns, we would practice [ridding ourselves of those patterns] like our hair was on fire." (Galen Pearl in a study for A Course in Miracles speaking of Pema Chodron, a renowned Buddhist Nun.)  

Toxic thoughts are not a good thing so ridding myself of them could actually make me healthier. WOW! That is a powerful possibility.  I wanted to know more. This is what I found as I looked further into the idea:

Habitual thinking patterns that cause intense feelings of fear, anger, shame or guilt are not only toxic, but also addictive in nature. (Psych Center, Toxic Thinking Patterns – How Pseudo “Feel-Goods” Put a Hold On Your Brain )

"Be on the lookout for toxic thoughts so they don't wreak havoc. Again, this is why thinking carefully, rationally, and not automatically...is so important." (Psychology Today, Don't Let Toxic Thoughts Cripple Your Relationship 

I had never really seen my thoughts as "habitual" in nature. Still, I do know that there are triggers that will send me into a spiral of bad memories and anger. I suppose that is what they are talking about. But there is hope I think.  Charles Duhigg's latest book, The Power of Habit, tells us that there is even hope for old dogs and new tricks:

"What we know from lab studies is that it's never too late to break a habit. Habits are malleable throughout your entire life." (NPR quotes New York Times business writer Charles Duhigg)

He went on to explain that a habit is your way of freeing up time for other things. I'm not sure what habitual toxic thoughts free you up for if it is not inflicting hurt on those around you and making yourself ill. He says that if you give yourself time, (like going on vacation) you can change your thought patterns. We are retired so we probably have plenty of time. If we don't we should take time...this is important.

Is you hair on fire?  If it isn't, you really should do something about it. The fact is, we make our own misery because our habitual toxic thoughts are our own.  I want you to think about this. What if you are actually making yourselves sick.

It is just a thought.

b+

More: The Courage to Be Happy (It Crossed My Mind Blog)

Related articles

• Pema Chödrön
• Thursday Tidbits: Neurosis Interrupted

Can Google Read our Minds????

I have a new header on my blog today.  Not because I didn't like the one that was there because I think I did. When I woke up wanting to make a change, it was a total surprise to me!  Who knew?

Before

Well obviously Google's blogspot knew because when I turned on my blog, my beautiful header was gone.  POOF!!!  Now how did blogspot, google and maybe everyone in the web world know...well accept for me...that I would be thinking about changing my header?  I had not looked at headers!  I had not even told anyone I was thinking about a change. Google just plain scares me sometimes.

Pia over at Courting Destiny had the same thing happen to her a couple of weeks ago.  Ads began appearing on her FaceBook page sidebar and they were for something she had been thinking of buying but had told no one.  I swear...they are reading our mind!

I just thought you would want to know.  Be very careful what you think when you are at your computer.  Big brother may be watching!

b

New header from Theme Headers
Link about reading gestures:  Meaning of Gestures in Different Cultures