Secrets: Did Grandma Spill the Bean?

This Grandma is not spilling the beans!

I was having dinner with my daughter and her friends the other evening and the issue of Grandma Spilling the Beans came up in the conversation. What do I mean by that? Well it seems that some grandparents find it necessary to tell their grandchildren about their parents misdeeds as teens or even as young children. Why would they do that? the young parents asked. We don't want our children think that just because we were stupid they can be too. I could see why they were upset.

One of the grandchildren had been caught driving with younger people in the car before it was legal. When asked why they thought it was okay to do that, the response was that "all the kids sorta ignored that rule". The grandmother that was having the conversation snickered and proceeded to tell all their dad's misdeeds, what trouble he was in and how simply driving with a young person in the car seemed pretty minor in comparison.

Now, I am sure that you would never do that but think about it...aren't you just a little tempted to tell the grandchildren about their mom and dad and how they behaved when they were 5 or 10 or 16? Here is where I warn you to be very careful. Only hold your children up as good role models for their children.

My mother told my children that my husband and I were married when I was 19. While I was not ashamed of it, I didn't want my children to think that getting married at a very young age was a good idea. My husband and I were lucky but a lot of people aren't. I wanted them to get an education and become secure before they took that leap. I would have preferred to share that part of my life when they were adults.

Telling grandchildren about a DUI their father had when he was 17 is not information they need...it opens the window a crack for the idea that it may be okay to drink and drive. The same applies to other pranks or mishaps. That is not information that is yours to share. In fact I would even warn you not to share information on the lack of interest in school. Telling these children that the mom or dad failed in Math is not a good idea.

So, I am just saying. Don't spill the beans all over everyone. It just makes a mess!

b+

How to stay young! Spend time with children.

     I have always loved being a grandmother...well most of the time.  I didn't like to be in trouble with my daughter-in-law or my children.  I didn't like it when my grandchildren tested my powers or brought me to my knees with crying shrieks.  Still, when I look back to the beginning, I think I always loved it.  Now 19 years later my second grandchild will be graduating from high school.  How can that be.  When this child was born I felt very young, like a parent myself.  I thought of my children as my peers and I moved with the same energy they had.  I have come to believe that I feel as youthful today as I did then.  Maybe, just maybe the grandchildren are the reason.  I know they say laughter keeps us young.  If that is true, I will never grow old.
     This grandchild is the one that wanted to know when his grandfather and I were going to get real jobs like his mom and dad.  We were retired and he was worried we were lazy. Following this line of reasoning he decided one day that I could get a job at the "untying store" because I had managed to untangles a very long string that was connected to his lego set.  He was thinking there was hope for me after all.
      This is the grandson that would hang onto the timeout chair with all his life.  It was as though he thought it would fly away if he didn't.  He flew around himself and had only his own actions to judge the chair by.
      This is the grandchild that knew the value of a dollar.  I sent him to the dollar store one time while I shopped for fabric.  He bought three rolls of electrical tape.  He knew the power of electrical tape and called his mom to tell her about the good deal he had made.
      This is the grandson that bought me a water tight box for my ipod just in case I ever fell out of a canoe.  He valued my ipod a lot.  I have never been in a canoe and don't plan to be.  But just in case....
      This is the grandson that was sent home from the baby sitters because he wanted to share his new big boy underwear with superman on it. The sitter was upset when he pulled down his pants in the back yard.  Several years later he discovered the pee hole in his underwear and wondered if grandpa knew about that hole in big boy underwear.  It was the most convenient thing he had ever discovered.
      I took this boy to watch houses being built and made his grandfather stop so he could get a good look at big trucks and construction equipment.  I thought it was funny that he thought I was the one that would love seeing the houses and went along willingly.
      He and his sister stayed at home for several summers in a row with me and I drove him to the velodrome so he could ride bicycles there.  I watched him develop courage at speeds that blew me away.  I am very grateful I was the one that was allowed to observe him on that course.
      So you tell me.  Where did the time go?  He is 18 and I still feel very young.  Is it possible that we will enjoy adulthood together?  Grown up people living in the same world?  I am willing if he is.
      So my grandson E-man,  Congratulations!  I hope you have loved being with me as much as I have with you.  Thanks for the memories.

I love you,
Grandma b