Snowbird Lifestyle: The Other Place

I was talking with Linda Myers of Bag Lady in Waiting a few weeks ago. The other places came up in the conversation because I had said that, if I were alone, I would go to Starbucks to read the paper or maybe a book. I thought it would comfort me and keep me from feeling so isolated in a life without a partner. I thought maybe I could just pretend it was my living room and lots of people had come to visit. I like the idea a lot.

Friends from the other place!

Have you ever hear the phrase before...the other places? There is a Broadway play titled The Other Place and a pizza parlor chain in Iowa and Kansas with that name. There are many Facebook pages with variations on the name and someone has claimed it as their Twitter name. Linda told me there was a barista near her called The Other Place. But I for one had never heard the phrase or even thought about it. I liked the idea that a person could call several different locations home...the coffee shop, a pizza parlor or even the local pub. Much like the Cheers of the by gone TV, when you walk in every one will know your name.

For those of you that are thinking about becoming a snowbird and want to live in two different yet equal locations, you are moving toward a time when you  call more than one place "home". No matter where you are, there will always be the other place! In fact you will always be IN the other place.

I don't know why I wanted to bring this up today. It could be that the idea is comforting for me. My world did get a lot bigger when my husband and I became snow birds. Our circle of friends has grow. Each of our places is separate but connected in some strange way. We have a wonderful life. I do miss friends from the other place when I am in the other place...but I know or at least hope that we will be back together again soon. So, if you come to visit and I am not at home, don't worry, I am probably at the other place!  I will be back in a jiffy!

Have a wonderful day!

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Life Lessons: Keep digging for gophers!

Is illness and aging a necessary part of life?  It is the age old question and on the surface seems almost silly. Yet when you get it you get it. And get it Sally Wallach did.  See, she figured out that illness and aging are side issues in our existence and can be separated from living.  Illness/aging should never be the tail that wags the dog. How we spend our days is our choice. Here is what she said:

A Dogs Life: Happiness is pretending to drive the car! 

Maggie the magnificent magpie died very suddenly Sunday. I've been doing the Oprah/Choprah meditation on total wellness program, and have been puzzling over their declaration that illness and aging are not a necessary part of life. It has come to me that, with two exceptions (Al, the crazed Dalmatian, and Murphy the Terrier who came to me with kidney disease) all of my home companion animals have lived until they died. Even Murph, who was given up for lost by my vet several times, died while digging wildly for a gopher. It's not about outfoxing death, I realize; it's about living until it's time to move on. 

This is one of the best things I have read...ever...about living our lives. Think about it. We all know that life is not perfect for animals or humans. Pain, sadness, rain and the occasional empty food dish can make a day long. But those things do not need to be replayed in the mind. The difference between the dog or cat and we humans is that animals do not bother about the past for one second. They don't count on the future and live for what might be. They forgive and forget. It is as though they are genetically wired to be happy and good from the moment they are born. No one need teach them about love or happiness because they just are.

As Sally so wisely pointed out, we can never outfox death or aging or illness. In fact we will live until we don't and how we live is ours to decide. So take a lesson from Sally's beloved Murph who suffered from kidney disease but just kept digging for gophers, wagging his tail until he drew his last breath. He knew somehow his life wasn't about "outfoxing" pain. Life was about digging until he couldn't dig anymore...living until it's time to move on.

Be well.

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RV Resort Living: Girls just want to have fun!

Carole (center) on the golf course!
Girls having fun!

We have had a lip-sync show almost every year since anyone can remember. This is one of the traditions that has remained here in our RV Resort. But it seemed that this is one tradition that might go away. Time has taken it toll and it could be that this will be the last show, at least for a while.  We know how to create our own fun and have the ability to pull almost anything off but a leader that has the talent for this type of thing is pretty rare.

When my friend Jack decided that we needed a show just one more time, the young people planning our activities for us didn't believe that such a thing could be done. Imagine their surprise when the show went on last night to rave reviews with a very large crowd in attendance. Over 275 tickets were counted at the door, people were slipping in the back way and the hall was filled to the rafters. People stood around the edges and everyone laughed through an evening of outrageous fun.
The show director is well into his eighties and suffers some pretty serious maladies, none of which he is willing talk about.  His zest for life and talent at bringing out the best in those around him is something we treasure. The show has been his baby for more years than anyone can remember. A few years ago he gave it up...too old you know. Imagine our delight when he decided to give it one more try. This is hard because not only do you have to have a great idea for a show but then you have to convince people to get up on stage and act silly. I never doubted he would do it. See, I understand how durable and strong older people really are.

But the doubt by those youngers that live among us is palatable. They really don't appreciate the talent that we all have can survive until we are this old. But survive it does. We are living proof that we are in here, in these bodies alive and well.  And we are still very, very good after all these years. We all know the show must go on!

Here is my friend Carole performing a lip-sync piece of the old Cyndi Lauper song "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". Even here in the 55+ RV resort, the girls are kicking up their heels. Enjoy.




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Communicating: Talk to me...please!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs this morning. It was all about those many conversations he had with his family on Skype or the telephone. May of us that are older have a routine of calling family or friends on a special day each week.  It could be that running out of things to say is normal.   Here is what happens:

Hi How have you been?

Fine, you?

Fine.

What's up?

Oh you know...same-old, same-old!

I was told one time that I was a great conversationalist...that is a polite way of saying I talk a lot. Still, I do exactly the same thing. Why is it so hard? Why do we do that? Is it that we don't want to revisit our own lives but would really love to hear about the other person's? Then when the other person talks, we wonder why we asked so we let it go?

I might have a solution...a list of things to talk about so the conversation will take the direction we want.

You need to remember that words that will make people think are usually why and how.  Here are some ideas.

1. What have you been reading? Was it good/bad....why?
2. Did you see Lincoln (or any movie you have loved)? How was it? 
3. I'm looking for something new. What have you done that I might like? Why?
4. Are you watching ___________on tv this year? Why do you like it? 
5. What do you think about me going to ________? I need your advice.
6. (When on Skype)....take me for a walk around your house. I need to see something familiar.
7. I bet my weather story is better than yours.
8. I am learning to zumba, line dance, etc. What are you up to? 
9. I like what you are doing but I don't know how to make that happen. Can you help me?
10. Tell me about your children/grandchildren/neighbors. I need to keep up on the news.
11. What's up at work? 
12. Talk to me! I need to hear your news.

There are some subjects that are off limits:

• worries
• organ recitals (all our aches and pains)
• complaints about neighbors, relative.
• husband/wife litanies.
• rants (most of the time)

Really, it isn't very hard. Connecting with people that we don't see very often is important but being satisfied with simple "same-old, same-old" does not constitute a conversation. This is one time when you can brag...I give you permission. You will surprised how people will rise to that bait with something better. s:-)

If you are one of those people that have children that do not answer their phones...busy you know...I want to urge you to begin using the text function on your phone.  You will find that you can communicate in more than one way and it seems that email is passe!  I am just saying!

Do you have some better ideas?

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Powerful Toxic Habits: Is Your Hair on Fire?

Galen Pearl (10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place...) shared a pearl of wisdom the other day. She was writing about the power of our mind and faith to help us stay healthy, both mentally and physically.  If you have ever made yourself sick with "worry", you know that we can actually create an illness out of thin air and spread our misery to those around us. This is what Galen said:

Galen Pearl signing her book

"As Pema Chodron wrote, if we really understood how miserable we make ourselves with our habitual patterns, we would practice [ridding ourselves of those patterns] like our hair was on fire." (Galen Pearl in a study for A Course in Miracles speaking of Pema Chodron, a renowned Buddhist Nun.)  

Toxic thoughts are not a good thing so ridding myself of them could actually make me healthier. WOW! That is a powerful possibility.  I wanted to know more. This is what I found as I looked further into the idea:

Habitual thinking patterns that cause intense feelings of fear, anger, shame or guilt are not only toxic, but also addictive in nature. (Psych Center, Toxic Thinking Patterns – How Pseudo “Feel-Goods” Put a Hold On Your Brain )

"Be on the lookout for toxic thoughts so they don't wreak havoc. Again, this is why thinking carefully, rationally, and not automatically...is so important." (Psychology Today, Don't Let Toxic Thoughts Cripple Your Relationship 

I had never really seen my thoughts as "habitual" in nature. Still, I do know that there are triggers that will send me into a spiral of bad memories and anger. I suppose that is what they are talking about. But there is hope I think.  Charles Duhigg's latest book, The Power of Habit, tells us that there is even hope for old dogs and new tricks:

"What we know from lab studies is that it's never too late to break a habit. Habits are malleable throughout your entire life." (NPR quotes New York Times business writer Charles Duhigg)

He went on to explain that a habit is your way of freeing up time for other things. I'm not sure what habitual toxic thoughts free you up for if it is not inflicting hurt on those around you and making yourself ill. He says that if you give yourself time, (like going on vacation) you can change your thought patterns. We are retired so we probably have plenty of time. If we don't we should take time...this is important.

Is you hair on fire?  If it isn't, you really should do something about it. The fact is, we make our own misery because our habitual toxic thoughts are our own.  I want you to think about this. What if you are actually making yourselves sick.

It is just a thought.

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More: The Courage to Be Happy (It Crossed My Mind Blog)

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Your Health: Bugs, dust and snowbirds!

No matter where my husband and I travel we always check to see if there are any vaccines that we need. Even when we are traveling in the United States, we educate ourselves to make sure we are taking the proper precautions. We don't like our trips spoiled by a preventable illness. 

For example, an article on the front page of the Tucson newspaper talked about the dreaded Valley Fever (Coccidioidomycosis). Anyone that is a regular visitor to the SW United States knows that this malady is nothing to mess around with. They probably also know that it is misdiagnosed a great deal of the time. 

My husband contracted it several years ago and probably suffered for several weeks before I even realized what was going on. He was fatigued, suffered from night sweats and even broke out in a blistered rash. By the time we arrived home in Oregon he was in such bad shape that I feared for his life.

The Oregon doctor was so uncertain of the cause and unwilling to listen to the information we had that I was led to take action and make an appointment with a pulmonary specialist on my own. It was only after a pulmonoscopy that definite determination as to his condition could be made. We were very relieved because we thought that it was cancer...the xrays looked very bad.

Xray of patient with
Valley Fever

Others I know have been take into surgery for the same problem. I know people that were treated for a bacterial infection with antibiotics and they only suffered more. According to the newspaper article, the antibiotic kills the good bacterial that actually may help fight the Valley Fever fungus. I think that is the biggest problem...there is not much to be done for the fungus and the action recommended by the physician can worsen the condition.   

Believe it or not the wind carries the fungus spores and many locals here in Arizona simply don't go out on a windy day any more than necessary. We think my husband contracted it while playing golf when the wind was so strong the ball would not stay on the tee.  I was playing that day too but did not have a problem.

Asian Tiger Mosquito, has been found to be a vector of West Nile Virus. 

When you travel to Florida the dreaded mosquitos are a problem. Be careful of bug bites and use a repellent.  Encephalitis can strike as a result of a bug bite. Even in the northwest we have our share of culprits. Tick bites that lead to Lyme disease can be a problem and West Nile Virus or encephalitis can strike that far north as well.  

It could be that the problem with all of these diseases is that they won't generally show up until you are back home and your local doctor may not be as knowledgable about maladies because they don't strike locally.  So you, the traveler, need to be aware and pro-active.

If you are a snow bird you are probably thinking about heading back home within the next few weeks. Please make yourself aware so you can protect yourself. Travel is fun but you still need to be careful.

English: Erythematous rash in the pattern of a “bull’s-eye” from Lyme disease (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Retirement and Encore.org: Living a Meaningful Life

Marc Freedman, has a message for retirees. He thinks that boomers can continue to have a real social impact after they have left their careers to retire. In the article that appears in the Harvard Business Review, A New Vision for Retirement: Productive and Meaningful, the founder and CEO of Encore lays out the foundation for his ideas.

I am on Freedman's mailing list and I receive information from time to time about what he finds interesting for people like me that write about retirement. The email I received from him yesterday caught my attention because it dealt with something I learned about several month ago...the Prudential Day One Stories TV and bill board ads:

You’ve most likely encountered Prudential's Day One stories campaign, telling us we need to prepare for a seemingly endless retirement. On billboards and bus posters, in radio and television ads, Prudential says we’ll be retired for 6,000 days – or many more – after working for 12,000. The financial services company’s campaign amounts to scenario planning through the rear view mirror – bolting the new longevity (longer, healthier lives) to the old retirement lifestyle. This retrograde vision is neither sustainable, nor attainable – and it isn't desirable.

I hated those ads the first time I saw them. Prudential has provided the image and the music for a stage in life that no one dreams of or wants. The day you leave the work place is portrayed as (dare I say it) depressing! Freedman, on the other hand is seeing this part of life as fulfilling, useful and, above all, important. He thinks that we need to view retirement as a start of something bigger and better. He says that he thinks the retirement population "represents a human capital bonanza for the social impact sector and for the nation more broadly." He goes on to say, "It's time to fulfill the true promise of longer lives — which is a better society."

I have been retired for almost 16 years and I am here to tell you that my life was not set in stone on day one. Why? Well first of all there was the transition to retirement that comes with the stages that happen financially (Prudential's focus). Social Security, Medicare, IRA programs do not all kick in at the same time. All of these programs plus a retirees changing needs give the retiree a financial lift over a period of years. There are many "day one" financial events.

Then there is the changes that aging brings to our lives. We become wiser, we want different things, our goals change and evolve over time. There really is no such thing as a one day one for the rest of our lives. In fact, if I were to give you a list of our new beginnings in the years since we left the work force, you would be amazed. My experience has taught me that growth in knowledge and experience is very real and important and will be for all of my life. In fact, on day one I was like a babe in the woods.

But Freedman's article left me thinking about what I had expected when I retired. I cannot tell you the joy that I experienced knowing that we would no longer be tied to a place, our qualifications in the work force or even how much money we had. We were free to make choices based on what gave us satisfaction. Then the realization hit that our choices were open and we honestly had no idea what those choices were.  What were we going to do for the next umpteen years? The only thing I truly knew was that I did not want to do what I had been doing for the last thirty years.

The idea of a new "career" in the traditional sense of the word made me feel a little sick to my stomach. A lifetime of commitments and worry had me feeling fed up with the whole idea. Even now I get that feeling when I remember those years. When I read Freedman's article this morning I could only wonder why anyone would want to go back to work in the traditional sense of the word...I know I never have.  But I also know that being productive, no matter my age, is very important. I want to contribute to society just as I did when I was a teacher but I want to do it my way...thank you very much. After a second look, I realized that Freedman was actually talking about what I had done. Unfortunately, he was not around to help during those beginning years.

In spite of my thoughts that a second career was the last thing I wanted, I did begin one without the realization of what had happened. I think that is what happens when we follow a passion and not the money (although I do not object to earning money doing what I do). When I began writing about retirement on this blog, I made a commitment that has lasted for many years. Why? Because I love this job and it is of my own making. It has all come together for me...my encore career has given me the satisfaction I needed. Hopefully, somewhere along the road I have helped others understand retirement thereby making a social contribution.  Even if I haven't, I have tried.

The article that Freedman wrote in HBR should draw attention to what Encore.org is doing for people at a transitional point in their life. I, for one, am very impressed. For example, they have a program for Encore Fellowships  that offers money for continuing education so that people can reinvent themselves in retirement. Their handbook The Encore Career Handbook: How to Make a Living and a Difference in the Second Half of Life (click here for Amazon link) talks about the new the paths you can take following retirement. A review on Amazon said this about the handbook:

From Encore.org, the leading organization in the field, comes a road map to every step of the encore career journey. Here’s how to plan the transition. How much you need to make. The pros and cons of going back to school. When to volunteer, and when to intern. How to network effectively and harness the power of social media. Who’s hiring and for what jobs? (Check out the Encore Hot List of 35 viable careers)....

The Encore Career Handbook: 
How to Make a Living and a Difference in the Second Half of Life

I encourage you to read the article and take a look inside the handbook on the Amazon website. Retirement is fun...especially when you can see all the possibilities. This is one of the pieces in the retirement puzzle that can be extremely helpful.

Encore is helping people find passion, purpose and a paycheck in the second half of life. (See more at:http://www.encore.org/#sthash.GDbVYJ7W.dpuf).