Don't you feel like yelling at people occasionally...is anyone living in that house or is the attic empty? I do but then I remember to "be nice". It is hard for me.
Really, it seems to me that listening must be the hardest task ever for most people. Being long winded or even mind numbingly boring may be my problem but I just can't imagine why it feels like no one with listen to what I have to say. Could the problem be with the listener and not the talker? Maybe so!
In a post called at fifty::what I've learned so far written by Kim Tackett on a blog called Fifty/Fifty, the subject of listening came up. I have this article printed and it lays by my computer because it is one of the best pieces of writing I have seen in a long time. She talks about 8 things that she thinks are worth noting of all the things she has learned in 50 years. I loved #3...it was about listening.
But, if you are not listening, you need to know, when you do that, it is hurtful.
Okay, so I go that off my chest. Were you listening?
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Really, it seems to me that listening must be the hardest task ever for most people. Being long winded or even mind numbingly boring may be my problem but I just can't imagine why it feels like no one with listen to what I have to say. Could the problem be with the listener and not the talker? Maybe so!
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| listening (Photo credit: cambodia4kidsorg) |
"Everyone just wants to be heard. They don't need answers, and they sure don't need excuses. But they need to know that you care enough to listen to them, to see them. This one also works in reverse: I don't always need you to fix me, just to hear me."In my experience, if they are listening, people will have an immediate solution for any issue I bring up. As Tackett says, most of us don't want you to fix our problem. We just want you to listen and make clucking sounds. Okay?
But, if you are not listening, you need to know, when you do that, it is hurtful.
Okay, so I go that off my chest. Were you listening?
b+
"I don't always need you to fix me, just to hear me." From my studies in psychology the above statement most often comes from a female. They want to relate their problems just to be heard not to be fixed. But for men, most are attuned to "fixing" that is what we do. So, men have a hard time just listening it is not in our nature. We often don't relay our problems because we intend to fix them ourselves. Communications between the sexes is often strained for that reason.
ReplyDeleteBut then again all we bloggers, male or female want to be heard don't we
I did not know that RJ! It explains a lot though doesn't it. A man would not talk about a problem unless he wanted help fixing it...right? Thank you.
DeleteDuring a conversation most people, male or female, do not spend their time listening to the other person; they spend their time thinking about what they're going to say next. So . . . this is a good reminder for all of us.
ReplyDeleteYou are so very right...we are thinking "when is it my turn to talk?" Listening is a very difficult exercise for the mind. I know I need to be reminded that I don't need to leap in with a quick easy solution. Most problems go very deep and what we are told is only the surface of the water.
DeleteI was listening. It's a good reminder.
ReplyDelete